


Risking Everything for You

by juli_with_a_chance



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Multi, potential fluff, potential smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-12 17:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7943356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juli_with_a_chance/pseuds/juli_with_a_chance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh what's this? A new story while I'm still working on several others? Don't we all as writers fall into this trap? You're working on one thing, get bored and find yourself starting another? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one folks.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh what's this? A new story while I'm still working on several others? Don't we all as writers fall into this trap? You're working on one thing, get bored and find yourself starting another? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one folks.

-Laura POV-

“Hello Dr. Hollis.” My receptionist Betty chimes as I walk into my lobby.

“Hey Betty, how are you this morning? And I’ve told you, you can call me Laura.”

“Doing very well thank you. You have a few new patients today. I left the files on your desk, your father called, he said he couldn’t reach you, something about your number being out of order?”

“I changed it to avoid his persistence.” I sigh, rolling my eyes. “I’m twenty-eight and he still treats me like a child. He has a separation disorder or something.”

“Don’t try to pick at his brain, you know better.”

“Yeah I do. Anyway, I’ll be in my office.” I say, walking down the hallway towards the large oak door. I sigh taking in the isolation before having to see patients. I love my job, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy picking apart people’s brains when they are most vulnerable, seeing them confess their secrets to me, someone who is nothing more than a stranger you pay to tell these things to. I mean, I guess it socially acceptable to pay an educated stranger to listen to your problems rather than finding someone on the street or in the subway. There is a slight knock at the door. “Come in.” I call out from behind my desk, looking down at one of the files, a twenty-two year old who was referred to me by a doctor from upstate.

“Hey doc.”

“Hello Laf, what are you doing here?”

“I need a favor, and if I called you, you know Perry would be all over you in two seconds, the woman has super sonic everything.” Laf says, flopping down on the couch.

“You have five minutes, my first appointment is at ten.” I say, looking down at my watch.

“That’s fancy, did Danny get you that?”

“Are you kidding?” I scoff. “Danny can’t even buy me a magazine when I want it, she’s going to get me a watch like this?”

“You’ve been with her for five years now, you’d think she’d get over herself already.”

“Sometimes I have to ask myself why I’m still even with her.”

“It’s your fear of being alone, I know that. Anyway, Perry, it’s her birthday coming up and I wanted to do something special for her but I think she’s tired of my ideas. So I want yours.”

“Here’s a suggestion, don’t blow up the bathroom this year.” I tease.

“I haven’t blown up anything in a while. The last time I blew something up was at work, the class loved the unintentional lesson I gave them.” Laf smiles.

“Just take her to dinner, some place quiet, something normal for once.”

“Normal isn’t fun.”

“But Perry likes normal, take her to the MOMA, she loves it there, and then take her somewhere for dinner. Do something like that.”

“Alright, I’ll let you know. Maybe I’ll do a surprise party or something too, her work friends would like to do something like that probably.”

“Good. Now if you don’t mind, our time is up and I will see you tomorrow.” I smile.

“Later frosh.”

“Bye Laf.” With a sigh, I lean back in my chair and rub my eyes. I hear another knock at the door and then look at my watch to see it was before ten. I take a deep breath and smile. “Come in.” I call out.

“Hello.” The woman says sternly, walking into the room with an arrogant attitude.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Hollis.” I say, getting up from my desk and walking over with an extended hand, she looks at it and doesn’t react. “You must be Miss Karnstein?” I say, glancing at the folder before grabbing an unused notebook from my shelf. “You can take a seat wherever you want.” I smile, sitting down behind my desk. Something about her is hostile, that was easy to pick up right away, but at the same time she’s careful about herself. Her guard is quite clear from the moment she walked in; it was something that was going to be taken down piece by piece. “So Miss Karnstein – ”

“Please, I don’t like being called Miss Karnstein. My name is Carmilla, cupcake.”

“Okay, Carmilla. That’s a very nice name, very unique.” I smile, getting locking in an unintentional staring contest. “So would you care to tell me a bit about yourself?”

“There isn’t anything to tell if you read through my file on your desk.”

“I didn’t read through it just yet.” I say, jotting down different things as we go along. “So what do you do? Your file doesn’t say anything about your personal life, only your mental health so…”

“I go to school, I’m studying philosophy.”

“Interesting choice to study.”

“I like knowing that there are different ways to think and understand our meaning in life. I enjoy knowing there are other thought processes.”

“What about your home life? Do you live with parents, have any siblings?”

“I have a younger brother and a stepsister. Well I think my mother adopted her, but it was before I was born so it’s easier to call her my stepsister. My father passed away when I was twelve.” She says quietly, looking down to break eye contact with me.

“What about your mother?”

“I don’t have a relationship with her. She’s a bitch.” Carmilla says, before we knew it the hour was over and she was getting ready to get up.

“I would like to see you again in a couple of days. I would like to keep you on a Tuesday, Thursday schedule.” I say, writing down a few more things before closing the book and putting in on the shelf.

“Whatever you want doc.”

“Same time Thursday okay with you? I don’t want to interfere in your classes or studies.”

“Ten on Thursday is alright with me.”

“Okay, I’ll walk with you.” I say, gesturing for her to walk out ahead of me.

“Ladies first.” She smirks. We walk over to Betty, Carmilla’s attitude changing the minute we stepped out of my room.

“Betty, please write Carmilla in for Thursday at ten please.” I chime.

“No problem.” Betty says, jotting the note down in the computer and handing Carmilla the appointment card.

“It was very nice to meet you Carmilla, I look forward to talking to you again.”

“Yeah, see you Thursday.” She shrugs, walking out of the lobby.

“Danny called while you were with your patient, she said she’s going to be late today.”

“She’s always late.” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair and walking back into my office, sitting down at my desk to review Carmilla’s file. I reach for it before stopping myself. “Let’s keep this one a mystery, Laura. Let’s learn about her on our own.” I say to myself.

* * *

I walk through the door of my apartment with a sigh. I turn on the light and drop my keys in the bowl by the door before kicking my shoes off. “Hey!” I call out when I hear noise in the kitchen; I walk in to see Danny digging around in the cabinets.

“Hey, how was work?” She chimes. “You’re late today.”

“I thought it would be fun to be later than you for a change.” I say, walking into our bedroom to change.

“Why did you have to say that?” Danny asks as I walk back into the kitchen, opening the fridge to get a bottle of wine.

“What are we doing Danny?” I ask, opening the bottle of wine and pouring it into a pint glass half way, filling the rest of it with ice.

“What do you mean, I’m making us dinner.”

“No, not what I’m asking.” I take a sip of wine, holding the bottle in the other hand; I use it to gesture between us. “This isn’t going well anymore.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“What do you think I mean?”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“I – I don’t know. But I feel like we’ve been growing distant, you don’t talk to me so much anymore, you’re always late. I just fell like we’re slipping. Maybe we should talk to someone.”

“The shrink wants to see a shrink? That makes sense.”

“You’re pulling away because of your fear of commitment, if you don’t want me to shrink you to size then don’t question what I want to do.”

“Why would you say that anyway?” 

“Because it’s true.”

“No it isn’t. It’s not true at all.” Danny says shaking her head. The room grows awkwardly silent for a moment, both of us on opposite ends of the kitchen looking down at our feet. “You jump to stupid conclusions too fast all the time.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do.” She says, reaching into the pocket of her apron and tossing a box at me. I stumble to catch it, watching Danny storm past me. “Happy Anniversary.” She spits on her way out. “Or did you forget this one too? You know, it doesn’t take a fancy degree to know that you’re as screwed up at your patients, you’re just too pompous to admit that to yourself.” I look down and open up the box to see a heart-shaped locket. I put down my glass and open it to see a picture of Danny and I back when we first met in college. On the back of the locked it read ‘DL+LH’. I sigh and take another swig of wine before walking into the spare room to see Danny sitting on the ratty sofa we’ve had since our apartment in college, she’s writing something down in her notebook.

“You still keep a journal?” I ask with a small smile, seeing as it was my suggestion to her.

“It helps. You would know you don’t take your own advice.”

“I’m sorry Danny. I had a long day.” I say, walking over and sitting down next to her. “Thank you for the locket. I love it.” I say, kissing her on the cheek.

“Are we going to get better?” She asks, closing her notebook and looking at me with concern on her face and in her eyes.

“I hope so.” I whisper, leaning in to kiss her.

“I hope so too.”


	2. Chapter 2

-Carmilla POV-

I open my eyes, allowing myself to readjust to the light. I look over, there’s a woman in my bed. A nameless face yet again. I sigh, turning to get out of her grasp. “Where are you going?”

“I have things to do sweetheart, and you need to leave.” I say, finding my pants on the floor and a t-shirt. The girl sighs and curls into my pillow. “Seriously, leave.” I snap, pulling the pillow from under her head.

“You’re an ass hole.”

“Tell me something new doll face.” I chime, walking out of the bedroom.

“Who’s in there?”

“I – I don’t know.” I shrug, walking into the bathroom.

“Carmilla, that isn’t healthy for you.”

“I know it isn’t.”

“But you’re still going to do it.” Ell says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No shit.” I say, rinsing my mouth out.

“I’m worried about you.”

“I promise, everything is going to be fine.” I smile looking at my phone to check the time. “I gotta go. I have my second appointment today.”

“Well good. Don’t make this one crazy.”

“I won’t I promise.” I kiss my friend on the cheek and walk out of the apartment. 

* * *

I walk into Dr. Hollis’ office, meeting with the receptionist first. “Hey. I’m here for my ten o’clock appointment.”

“Sure thing, Laura is expecting you, you can go back.” She smiles.

“Thank you.” I smile, walking past her and towards the large oak door. I knock twice and wait.

“Come in.” I open the door to find Hollis sitting behind her desk reading a magazine, she looks up and smiles, something about it is warm and inviting. “Hello Carmilla.”

“Hey.” I say, walking into the room and closing the door behind me. I sit down on the couch like last time. I feel her eyes on me while I walk into the room.

“So, how are you today?” 

“I’m doing good."

“That’s good. Let’s kinda pick up where we left off.” She says as she turns in her chair and reaching for her notebook, I’m assuming it’s one specifically for me, seeing as she has several different ones. “We ended talking about your father prior to him passing. Let’s talk about you specifically. What made you go into therapy?”

“My mother forced me into it when I was young, around thirteen.”

“I’m assuming that’s when you began going through puberty?”

“Yeah. I started to get quiet, she started to worry.” I shrug, waving off the topic.

“That was just after your father died too, you said you were twelve. Did him dying have something to do with you getting quiet?”

“I don’t know. I told you I was close with my dad, but he worked a lot. I only had time with him when he was off. He understood me the most. So maybe it did have something to do with me feeling depressed.”

“Maybe. I don’t see you as depressed. I mean there is a spectrum of depression, but I don’t think you fall under clinical.” She’s always writing in that book, she barely looks up. I watch her carefully, she writes with purpose almost like she’s going to tear through the pages, her tongue peaking out between her lips. “Okay, so your life. You study philosophy you said, where do you study?”

“NYU.”

“Do you enjoy school? Do you like learning?”

“I like learning without the fact that I have to do assignments.”

“I understand. I felt the same way in school. But it all pays off in the long term.”

“Clearly.”

“Are you in a relationship?”

“I thought it was illegal for doctors to be with patients.” I chime, smirking when I see her blush.

“I – I’m not. We can’t. I’m trying to do my job.” She rambles.

“I am not with anyone, I live in an apartment with my best friend. I moved down here to live with her for the sake of school and a place to stay for cheap.”

“Do you have a sex life?”

“I do.”

“So you just sleep with random guys.”

“Women, I sleep with women. I’m gay.” I admit.

“Oh. I apologize for assuming otherwise then.”

“Is that a problem, it was for a couple of other therapists.”

“Oh no, not at all. I don’t want my patients to feel isolated based on orientation. It defeats the purpose of coming and talking to someone. How could you let yourself go when you’re held back by something you don’t have a lot of control over?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, I don’t understand how people could go into a line of work where they shouldn’t judge people and yet they do.”

“It defeats the point of the job.” She smirks, leaning back in her chair. We stare at each other for a moment. Something we do a lot it seems. I never stared at any of my other doctors they way I stare at her. It’s easy to get lost in her eyes, almost like a trance. She’s my doctor, I can’t give in to things, it’s wrong. I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. “It’s been an hour.” She says quietly.

“Hours fly by when I come talk to you cupcake. My last doctor, an hour felt like twelve.” I sigh, getting up from the couch. “I’ll see you next week.”

“See you next week.” She smiles from her desk and waves as I walk out of the room.

 

-Laura POV-

“Hey frosh!” Laf shouts as I walk up to the table, taking my jacket off and putting it on the back of my chair. “What do you want to drink?”

“Rum and coke.” I smile, fixing my hair. “Hi Perry, how are you?” 

“I’m doing well that you.” Perry smiles, watching Laf walk up to the bar. “Has LaFontaine been around to talk to you?”

“Why?”

“They’re acting weird. Like, weirder than usual.”

“I bet it’s nothing, they probably got new chemicals into work today and they can’t wait to blow something up for science and learning.” I smile, pulling my phone out of my bag.

“You’re probably right. Where’s Danny?” 

“She’s on her way.”

“How are you two?”

“We’re okay. I don’t know what’s happening really, but I know that we’re alright.” I shrug, taking a sip of my drink when Laf puts it in front of me. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” They chime, kissing Perry on the top of her head before sitting down. “How was the wonderful world of verbal lobotomy?”

“That’s an odd way to put it, but it was good.” I chime.

“Hey short stuff.” Danny says, walking up behind me and kissing me on the cheek. She sits down and smiles. “What are you drinking?”

“Rum and coke. Do you want anything?”

“No, I’m alright right now. Hey guys.” She gives Laf and Perry a small wave. The four of us sat and talked about everything that happened during the week. We tried to make it a point to meet every Thursday and catch up as a group even though we spoke regularly.

“I’ll be right back.” I say, getting up from the chair. I kiss Danny on the cheek before making my way to the bathroom. I walk past the long bar and someone grabs me by the hand.

“Who knew doctors could have fun.” I look to see Carmilla smirking at me.

“Hey.” I chime, tucking my hair behind my ear. “How was the rest of your day?”

“It was alright. Are you here alone?”

“Uhm, no, I’m here with friends.” I point towards the table and look to see Laf, Danny, and Perry talking.

“They’re all gingers.”

“Yeah, and?”

“I didn’t know you were into charity work.” She chimes, trying to hide her smile.

“Ha ha.” I smile, rolling my eyes at her.

“You have a nice smile.” Carmilla says, bringing her glass to her lips.

“Carmilla.” I warn.

“What? I’m not allowed to compliment a doctor?”

“I have to go.” 

* * *

“Who were you talking to at the bar before?” Danny asks, as we get ready for bed like an old married couple.

“A patient of mine.”

“Which one?” 

“You know I can’t talk about them.”

“Directly, you can’t talk about them directly, but you usually tell me indirectly and this one I know nothing about.”

“She’s new.” I sigh, climbing into bed. “I just started seeing her Tuesday. She doesn’t seem to have a lot going on, but she is interesting so far. I’ve only seen her twice.”

“Oh, well I hope everything goes well and you help her get better.” Danny smiles, kissing me on the cheek before turning over and shutting off the light. I sigh and stare up at the ceiling. Before I could count to ten, I hear Danny snoring lightly beside me.

“Okay then.” I sigh, carefully getting out of bed.

 

-Carmilla POV-

“So you’re not brining a girl in tonight?” Ell asks as I walk through the door.

“I was just at their place, I slipped out before they could notice.” I smirk, receiving an eye roll from Ell. “Come on, at least you don’t have to listen to that tonight.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?” I say, flopping down on the couch beside her. “You’re jealous that I don’t sleep with you?” I tease, kissing her on the cheek.

“No, you know that I think you’re a shitty lay.”

“Please, we were sixteen when we first did anything, it was sloppy and sucked. I’ve had a lot of practice.” I whisper in her ear, kissing her cheek.

“I know where that mouth has been and I don’t want it on me.”

“What if I go shower and clean up?”

“Nope.” she says shoving me a bit.

“Stand your ground all you want, you know you will end up with me at one point.” I chime, getting up from the couch.

“You know it will take a hell of a lot for me to ever sleep with you.”

“Deny all you want sweetheart!”

“Shut up Carmilla.”

“I love you too.” I call from the kitchen, getting a bottle of water from the fridge.

“How was your appointment this morning? I didn’t hear from you long enough to ask.”

“It was good. I like this doctor very much.”

“Good.”

“I saw her out in the world today, she was a bar with her friends. It was odd seeing her.”

“How was it odd?”

“I don’t know, it just was, I mean I go from telling her everything to seeing that she is a normal person with a life and friends.”

“Well not everyone is antisocial like you are.” She says, patting my butt as I sit down next to her.

“I’m social, I’m being social right now.”

“The only time you are social.”

“I’m social when I bring people home.”

“Bringing people home for a screw doesn’t make you social. Did you tell that to your therapist?”

“I didn’t get that far.” I shrug.

“You’re going to be honest with this one, right?”

“Yeah, I don’t see why I wouldn’t be.” 

* * *

I’m walking through a bookstore with an armful of books restocking shelves quietly before the Friday afternoon rush. The struggle to not read every book I put back is hard, but it’s nice to work at a bookstore where, at the end of the day and on breaks, I could read until my heart gives out. “Carmilla?” I turn towards the voice to see Laura smiling t me.

“Are you following me?”

“Not at all, this is mere coincidence.” She smiles shyly. “I’m assuming you live in Brooklyn?”

“I do, hence why I’m everywhere you’ve been. I’m assuming you live around here too?”

“I live by the bridge.”

“Ah, new money.” I nod slightly.

“What does that mean?”

“All the vegan eating, eco-friendly, yuppies live by the bridge.”

“You’re stereotyping me.”

“No, I’m categorizing you.” I smile.

“You like to pick at people, don’t you?”

“I should be in your line of work then.”

“You can if you out your mind to it. You’re still young.” She smiles.

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-six.”

“How old is your girlfriend?” I chime, watching her blush.

“How did you?”

“I saw one of your charity cases kiss you the other night, unless you kiss all of your friends like that.”

“No I don’t, she is my girlfriend. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” She sighs, running her fingers through her hair. Laura crosses her arms over her chest and stares at me, almost like she’s trying to touch my soul.

“Why do you do that?” I ask, taking a step closer while she takes one back.

“Do what?”

“Stare at me.”

“I’m trying to figure you out.”

“You’re going to have to try harder than just staring at me.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You should know that, you’re a psychologist. Isn’t there something about picking apart people with words and not stares?”

“Staring at someone makes them uncomfortable enough to break down. Anyone that gets stared down succumbs to confessing sooner or later.”

“So staring is a tactic?” I ask with a small smile.

“It is.” She nods. “I – I have to go.” She says, holding up a book, I suppose to show she was buying something.

“I’ll see you Tuesday.” I smile.

“Tuesday.” She calls over her shoulder. I sigh as I watch her walk away.


	3. Chapter 3

-Laura POV-

"I just have to grab some milk." I say turning to Danny. 

"Okay, I'll meet you at the front." She smiles as we part ways. I walk over to the milk and grab what I needed.

"We can't keep meeting like this." I hear someone chime. I turn to see Carmilla standing behind me with a small smile on her face. "Fancy seeing you here."

"So this is happening regularly now? Meeting you in random places?" 

"Probably." She shrugs. "What are you doing?" 

"Getting milk." I say, holding the container.

"Are you alone?"

"No." I shake my head. "My girlfriend is with me."

"Ah, the ginger." She says with a nod. "Wouldn't want her to worry, you better get going." 

"Yeah."

"I'll see you later." She smiles.

"See you later." I say with a wave and walk away from her. 

"What took you so long?" Danny asks, still waiting on a long line. 

"I couldn't find what I needed, it took me a minute." I lied.

“Are you okay?” She asks, wrapping her arm around my waist.

“I’m fine, I promise.” I smile, standing on my toes to kiss her cheek. She smiles, kissing the side of my head. We get back home and put the groceries away and go back to our corners of the apartment. Danny ended up in the spare room and I was in the living room reading the newspaper. “This is what my life is.” I sigh to myself. “I’m going to Laf and Perry’s!” I call out walking out of the apartment. I walk three blocks to Laf and Perry’s apartment building. I ring their apartment three times and they unlock the door.

“Hi Laura.” Perry says when she opens the door. “What happened?”

“I’m living the life of someone who has been married for fifteen years minus the kids.” I say, flopping down on the couch. “Where’s Laf?”

“They went to get something from the store, they didn’t tell me so I’m assuming it’s chemicals or explosives.”

“They know better than to bring it home.”

“Yeah, I know. Do you want anything? Laf should be home soon, we were going to have an early dinner seeing as it’s Sunday. Would you like to stay?”

“If it isn’t trouble.”

“It’s never trouble Laura, you know that.”

“I think I’m going to leave Danny.”

“It’s your choice to make, and if you feel like that’s what you want to do then do it.”

“I’ve been with her for so long though, I feel bad.”

“Your relationship with her has been one that hasn’t been eventful, you two have been together for five years and yet, there is nothing to show for it. I think if you don’t leave soon, you’re going to be trapped in something you don’t want.”

“I don’t want to be alone.” I whisper.

“You can risk moving in here with us, I mean there is a spare bedroom, Laf would be happy to have you here, maybe they’d even curb the science.” Perry smiles.

“I’ll think about it. Thank you for the offer.” I smile, leaning over to give her a hug.

“You’re welcome here any time Laura, you know that.” 

* * *

“Thanks for having me over you guys.” I say, hugging Laf and Perry.

“Anytime Laura, it’s not an issue ever.” Perry smiles.

“Yeah frosh, you can come by whenever you want.”

“I’ll let you know what happens with Danny.”

“Okay, have a good night, be careful getting home.” Perry waves as she closes the door, I turn and start to walk down the hallway when I crash into someone.

“Jesus Christ.” They groan.

“I’m so sorry, oh my goodness, I should have been paying attention, I am so sorry, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Hey cupcake.” Carmilla smiles up at me. “This is the universe’s way of playing a game with me.”

“This can’t keep happening.” I whisper, shaking my head a bit.

“Why not?”

“You’re my patient! I’ve been working in this city for years, I’ve had lots of patients, never once did I run into a patient.”

“Maybe this is meant to mean something.”

“This isn’t meant to be anything. I want to keep seeing you my patient, but if we keep running into each other, it isn’t going to last long.”

“You make it seem like you’re hiding something you can’t admit.” Carmilla says, crossing her arms over he chest.

“I have to go. For the past month I have been seeing you way more than I want to, I will see you Tuesday and _only_ Tuesday.”

“Whatever you say doc.”

 

-Carmilla POV-

“Hello Carmilla.” Betty chimes from behind her desk.

“Hello Betty. Is she ready for me?”

“Always is, you can go back.” I give her a wave and walk into Laura’s office.

“Hello there.” I chime, closing the door behind me.

“Hello Miss Karnstein.”

“Why are you getting professional on me?”

“Because this is supposed to be professional. No calling me cupcake, or cutie. I am your _doctor_ , you are my _patient_.” She says assertively.

“You’re scared of something. I can feel it.”

“And you don’t know what you’re going to get yourself into.”

“Picking at your brain? Is that what you’re referring to?"

“Yeah, I am. Don’t do that.” Laura points her finger at me.

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid of anything. I’m about to cut your session short.”

“Something is bothering you and you’re taking it out on me. Don’t deny that.”

“Please Carmilla.” She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’m moving this session.”

“No, don’t do that.” I say, getting up from where I was sat, walking over to her. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re my patient.” She whispers, looking at me sadly.

“So. I’m allowed to spill my secrets to you, but when it comes to the patient feeling concerned about the doctor it becomes a sin?”

“It isn’t professional.”

“It’s human.” I say, looking into her eyes. We fall into one of our staring contests again. I get lost in her golden brown eyes, something about that is mature and innocent all at once. She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“I want to know how you’re doing. How was your week a side from running into me again?”

“It was good.”

“How many girls did you sleep with since Tuesday?”

“None.”

“Really?”

“Yep, I haven’t slept with anyone all week actually. My roommate can even tell you.”

“I’m proud of you. That seems like a big deal for you.”

“It is. I haven’t had the desire to do anything like that. I just write in my journal like you recommended to me. I enjoy that a lot.”

“Good. You may take a seat.”

“Sorry.” I say, walking back over to the couch.

“You were being human.” She smiles sadly.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t like to show people your human side. I’m beginning to pick up on that.”

“Why is your girlfriend so freakishly tall? I haven’t asked before, but it’s been bothering me.”

“Why would it bother you?”

“The fact that she could squash you like a bug is what bothers me.”

“Oh.”

“There’s trouble in paradise, isn’t there?”

“When did this become a session for me and not you. I’m the one with the degree.”

“You’re the one that spent thousands on a fancy piece of paper that says you can practice this legally. It doesn’t take a lot to ask questions to the point of making someone uncomfortable enough to answer.”

“You’re a know it all.” She scoffs, leaning back in her chair with a small smirk.

“You like to be playful, and you don’t like that you can’t be playful with me.”

“You’re not right.” She shakes her head at me.

“I am right. You change the way you are when you’re getting too attached. Or letting yourself go.”

“I’m not going to keep reminding you that I am your doctor.”

“I got the news flash since day one, you’re the one that’s reminding yourself that.”

“Because it’s wrong.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Feeling something for a patient, it’s wrong.” She whispers, looking down at her desk. “It’s wrong, it’s unprofessional. Running into you every day makes it hard…”

“Hard how? I don’t think anything of it.” I shrug. “If this is too hard for you, if me being around is putting a wedge in between your life I will find another therapist. If this is some transference thing…”

“You know what that is?”

“I’m not ignorant, I read a lot and know a lot.” I say, getting up from the couch.

“Don’t go.” She sits up and reaches over her desk grabbing my wrist.

“Why? You know, asking me to stay is contradicting.”

“You’ve only been here for half an hour, you still have the rest of your hour to talk.”

“Well I don’t know what there is to talk about. I see you twice awake in this office that I feel like is a borderline prison cell. I mean, the walls are like school building yellow, you have two degrees on the walls from your SUNY School you went to and yet you want to think you’re this high and mighty psychologist. Who even knows if you graduated at the top of your class, you need at least a 2.0 to get the shitty piece of paper, but assuming your degree choice may need a higher GPA, I’d say you graduated with a 2.9 or 3.0 which, in all honesty, isn’t that impressive seeing as you didn’t really graduate from Columbia or an Ivy League.”

“Why are you belittling me? You’re nothing more than a pompous brat that was probably given everything like and yet hates it. You hate the fact that your mother is successful, you probably hate that fact that your brother is successful, that’s why you don’t talk to either of them. The only one you talk to is Mattie and that’s only because she’s just as much of an outcast and you feel you are. Meanwhile if anyone should be sitting in this office with the problems like you, it’s your sister. You have no right to come in here and try to pick at my brain.”

“You think you know me, doc, but you don’t. I know you don’t. You barely touched the surface.”

“You think you’re so cool and no one can touch you. You want everyone to think you’re this high and mighty person who is so content with being a loner when meanwhile you crave human attention so much you would rather sleep around to feel better about yourself than actually settle for someone halfway decent.”

“Says the person that can’t commit to being in a five year relationship with someone. Let alone leave the person who treats you shitty.”

“You know nothing about my relationship.”

“Oh please. The couple of times I’ve seen you outside of this office, you’d run off as soon as I’d say something sweet to you to go back to Danny. You made it seem like what I said was so foreign that you had to run back to the shit to remind yourself of something.”

“This makes no sense, you’re making no sense and you know nothing.”

“I know that you have fears just like everyone else in the world. I know that sometimes you wish you were on the other end of this professional relationship. But what does it say if a shrink has to see a shrink?” I say, watching her carefully.

“Get out.”

“Oh, but I still have fifteen minutes.” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes at her.

“You know, you’re twenty-two, but you act like you’re sixteen.”

“And you’re twenty-seven but act like you’re forty. Learn to have fun; you seem like the least fun person I’ve ever met. You always act professional, you’re such a stuffed shirt.” I say, storming out of the room. 

* * *

“I. Hate. Her. So. Much.” I say, pronouncing each word with a punch to the punching bag.

“You have a fetish and you don’t want to admit it.” Ell says beside me with her hands on her hips.

“Yeah, I know. But at the same time, she thinks she just knows everything, she’s so annoying.”

“She’s a shrink, it’s what they do. You know this.”

“She isn’t giving in as easy as the others did. She’s making me work for it.”

“Why do you have an obsession with being with your therapist? It’s weird.”

“I don’t know. I just get a rush from it. Something about the forbidden love, it just makes me hot.” I smile, holding the bag from swinging back and forth. “Speak of the devil.” I look in the reflection of the mirror to see Laura walking into the gym with a yoga mat under her arm.

“She’s hot.” Ell says when she follows my gaze.

“I told you.”

“Don’t go over to her, just finish your workout and let’s go.”

“But I wanted to start my yoga lesson today.”

“You’re not flexible. You will make an idiot of yourself.”

“But I want to train my body to be.”

“No, I’m not letting you do it. You can’t. There is nothing good that will come out of it.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll just finish what I’m doing.”

“Good. Now, let’s run for twenty minutes.” Ell says, dragging me over to the treadmill.

“We walked here, and we’re going to walk home isn’t that enough?” I whine.

“We’re taking an Uber home.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” Ell smiles. “You’re getting better at running by the way. I meant to tell you that the other day. Ever since you quit smoking so much, your breathing is labored or anything.”

“Ah the perks of having a personal trainer as a friend. I get your services for the price of an Uber.” I chime, stretching my legs a bit before getting onto the treadmill.

“You’re lucky I’m cheap.”

“Well if only I could pay you in other ways.” I whisper, resulting in her turning up the speed of the death machine, I mean treadmill.

“I’m seeing someone.”

“Since when?!”

“Yesterday we made it official, that’s why I haven’t you.”

“Who is the lucky son of a bitch?”

“He’s going to come over tomorrow night for dinner, please be nice. I don’t want you scaring him off.”

“I have never done such a thing.”

“Oh you’re such a liar. My last boyfriend literally told me he had to break up with me because all you did was throw daggers at him with your eyes.”

“Well he was an asshole and he hurt you. So that should have been allowed.”

“True. But still. This one is sweet; he’s as threatening as a small child. There is nothing to worry about.” Ell smiles.

“Whatever you say, I will be on my best behavior.”

“You better be.” I shake my head and look over into the room where they held the yoga class; the instructor forgot to close the blinds so I got my share of a view when everyone stretched into unrealistic positions. “Stop staring at your therapist. It’s creepy.”

“Sorry, but I was looking at everyone, not just her. There’s a blonde in there with a nice ass.” I say, wiggling my eyebrows.

“You’ve been good, why don’t you just ignore it.”

“It’s been a week. I haven’t had sex in a week. That’s a fucking lifetime for a Karnstein. My family name is suffering.”

“Because you and Will are still keeping a twisted tally?”

“This week long dry spell is really affecting my score.”

“I don’t care. Keep yourself the way you are.”

“Okay, whatever you say.” After finishing the workout, Ell insisted on changing, while she was in the locker room changing, I waited outside the room where the yoga class was taking place. I smile when I see the girl I was watching, as well as realizing that Laura had to talk to the instructor after class.

“You were watching me.” The blonde chimes.

“How did you know?”

“The mirrors reflect off of everything.” She whispers. “It gave me a view of this entire place.”

“I see.”

“So were you enjoying your show? I thought I saw you trip getting off the treadmill.”

“I didn’t trip. I jumped.”

“The redness in your cheek tells me otherwise.” The girl chimes. I smile slightly, seeing that I was dealing with someone similar to myself.

“Why don’t you tell me your name and number, and let’s say we pick this conversation up over drink and when I’m less…”

“Sweaty?” The girl giggles.

“Yes, sweaty.”

“I’m Elsie.”

“I’m Carmilla.” I say, handing her my phone to add her number.

“Text me so I know it’s you. I have to go.” She winks as she walks past me and out of the gym. I look down at my phone and smirk before shoving it back into my pocket.

“You got a number didn’t you?” Ell asks, walking over to me.

“No.”

“That look on your face begs to differ.”

“The first in a week.”

“Whatever, let’s go.” She says, pulling me out of the gym.


	4. Chapter 4

-Laura POV-

Carmilla walks into my office, her usual pissed off attitude present as always. There is something different about it today though, we haven’t run into each other the past couple of days, although she doesn’t know that I saw her watching me at the gym, I didn’t give in to her that day. It took a lot, but I refused to give in after the way the session went. “Hello Carmilla.” I say sternly, trying to remain as professional as possible before she breaks into my brain. “How are you?” I turn to grab her notebook off of the shelf, I write so much I feel like I’m going to need a second one before I’m through seeing her, if I ever get through seeing her.

“I’m good.” She sits down and avoids eye contact with me.

“Just good? How were you the last couple of days? How were your classes yesterday?”

“Good, everything has been good. Nothing new to report.” She playing a game, I’ve seen this before, she’s playing a game to get a rise out of me.

“If you aren’t going to talk for the next hour, this session can be voided.” I snap, closing the notebook with a small smack, putting on back on the shelf and turning my attention to my computer.

“What’s crawled up your butt?”

“Nothing, I’m not going to waste my time with you if you don’t want to talk about anything, I have other things to attend to before I see more patients.” She sighs.

“My classes are okay, I mean there isn’t much to tell about Philosophy without wanting to rip your hair out sometimes. The other day I went to the gym after our session, my friend is a trainer, she trains me for the price of the Uber back to the apartment. I got a girl’s number and slept with her. It was the first time I slept with anyone in over a week.”

“Was that worth the stubbornness?” I chime, getting her notebook and jotting down different things. “Would you say you’re somewhat addicted to sex?”

“I enjoy it, but my life doesn’t revolve around it. I have friendly competition with my brother.”

“So you do talk to your brother? I don’t know if we touched base on that so much.”

“Yeah, we talk weekly, not so much daily, he still lives up in Westchester. He comes down every so often.”

“Why didn’t you stay up there and commute to school?”

“It’s easier to hop on the subway and be there in twenty minutes rather than having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to be on the train for over an hour.”

“That makes sense.” I say, taking notes. “What’s this competition you and your brother have going on? I’m assuming it’s a test to see who gets the most girls?”

“You’d assume right.” She says with a shy smile.

“You don’t see yourself being a very monogamous person, do you?”

“Being with one person for the rest of my life? I don’t know. I don’t think I would want to live that way, but at the same time I don’t give anyone enough of a chance to see if I would like that.”

“You’d be willing to consider it though wouldn’t you?” 

“Yeah. I mean if I found the right person who made me feel like I could conquer anything and everything, the yes, I would consider being with that person for the rest of my life.” She says, finally looking up at me. There is always something hypnotic about her eyes. I get lost in her nearly pitch black eyes. Carmilla smirks as I stare at her; she always knows what she does to me, like she does it on purpose. “Do you workout Dr. Hollis?"

“I don’t see why that’s any of your business.”

“It’s just an observation. I mean, I can tell you’re in top shape, even seeing you with clothes on, I could only imagine what you look like without them.” She smirks and I feel my cheeks get hot. “Based on the redness of your cheeks, I’d take that as a yes. What’s your workout routine?”

“That isn’t your concern?”

“Well I’ll tell you mine. Depending on the day and how much my friend decides to torture me depends on what my workout will consist of. My favorite thing I do is kickboxing. I mostly use the bag because I sparred with my trainer and she almost killed me for bruising her rib.” Carmilla shrugs. “It helps me get all of my aggressions out. I think I’m going to try my hand at yoga, I need to start becoming more flexible and I think that will help me out.”

“Yoga is very good for that.” I say quietly, not realizing what I said.

“Oh yeah? Do you know anything about yoga?”

“I take a class here and there. It helps relieve stress too.”

“Good to know, the next time I’m at the gym I’ll have to take the class.”

“Y- yeah you should. Did anything else happen?”

“Nope not much more than that.” 

* * *

“Hey babe!” I call out, walking into the apartment.

“Hey.” Danny smiles. She walks over to me, picks me up and kisses me hard. “How was work?” She whispers against my lips as she carries me over to the bedroom and drops me on the bed.

“It was good.” I mumble as I try to put myself I the place she wanted me to be seeing as she was kissing me and taking my clothes off. I couldn’t bring myself to allow her to do something like that. It was hard for me to comprehend doing this with her again. She begins to pull at my skirt; I reach down and put my hands on top of hers. “I can’t. We can’t. This can’t.” Danny sits up and looks at me confused.

“And why can’t it?” She asks sternly.

“Because it just can’t okay.” I get off of the bed and walking over to the closet, finding something to change into.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Bull shit.”

“I just don’t want to Danny, I’m not feeling it right now.”

“We haven’t had sex in months, every time I want to, you have a headache or just don’t feel like it. You never let me touch you anymore, what’s going on?”

“Answer that question yourself as well. What is going on Danny? You work all sorts of hours, you’re never home. Today I was surprised to see your keys in the bowl before mine. You never make time for me like you used to. I don’t know who you are anymore.”

“And I don’t know who you are. Are you falling for a patient again? You seem to get this what when that happens then you practically jump me when you transfer them to another doctor…” She trails off, standing over me with her arms crossed over he chest.

“I don’t know why you would assume that.”

“Because it’s happened before.”

“Well it isn’t happening now.”

“You’re a shitty liar, you know that. Who is it this time? The new patient with a troubled past and mommy issues?”

“It’s you! Okay I don’t want to be with you anymore!” I scream. “I don’t love you anymore Danny! It’s been years and we’re trapped in this same fucking place, you haven’t made a move to marry more or get out of this apartment, you haven’t done anything.”

“Why am I expected to do that? Why not you?”

“Because I feel like it’s more your place to do it. I don’t know. You never bring it up and talk about it. You never talk about the long term, or kids, or anything like that. We never even got a puppy! We never fell into the stereotype of people who have been together for years. There has been no progress and I can’t keep waiting for you to get it together. I’m leaving you. I’m sorry.”

“Where are you going to go? Where am I going to go?”

“This is your place, your name is on the lease. I’m going to go live with Laf and Perry for a while, they offered me the spare room.”

“So you told them this before you told me?”

“I discussed it. They didn’t persuade me one-way, or the other, they both told me to do what I feel is right. And leaving you feels right.” I whisper.

“If that’s what you want to do. Then it’s what you want to do.” Danny says quietly, walking out of the room. 

* * *

“Is this everything?” Laf asks, carrying the last box into the room.

“Yeah, I have to bring that truck back.”

“I’ll do it. I picked it up with you; it shouldn’t be a problem if I bring it back. You stay here and unpack.”

“Thank you Laf.”

“No problem frosh.” They smile.

“Laura do you want anything? I just put a fresh batch of cookies in the over.” Perry smiles as she walks into the room.

“Thank you Perry, I’m okay right now.”

“Okay, I’ll leave you to get settled.”

“Thanks.” I smile before she walks away. I turn to the boxes and sigh. It was strange to be with someone for five years, only to not be living with them a week later. I had to cancel my appointments last week to take care of the move, so I haven’t seen Carmilla at all, which was bittersweet. It gave me a chance to not be annoyed by her and at the same time I missed being annoyed by her. I finish unpacking my things and lie down.

“Laura?” Perry asks, knocking on the door lightly.

“Yeah?”

“Laf and I are going out for a little bit. I just wanted to let you know.”

“No problem Perry. Don’t worry about me.”

“Okay, we’ll be back later.”

“Okay, I have to go shopping anyway, I need a few things.”

“There’s a cabinet next to the fridge that was cleared out for you.”

“Thank you Per.”

“No problem Laura, I’ll see you later.” I hear the boor close and sigh. I find my bag and keys and walk out of the apartment, locking the door behind me.

“Hello Hollis.” I her Carmilla chime behind me. “Do you live here now?”

“I’m watching my friends’ place.” I lie.

“I missed out session last week. Was everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just had to take care of some personal things.”

“I hope everything is okay.” Carmilla says quietly, looking down shyly.

“Personal things Carmilla. Don’t worry about it.”

“I will worry about. You’re not the same when you’re going through personal things.”

“Because it takes a lot out of me.”

“I know this is a stupid question, but I feel like I would regret it if I didn’t ask it. It’s wrong, don’t lecture me, but I can’t help wanting to take you out.”

“You can’t do that if you want to keep seeing me professionally.”

“Then transfer my file. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been transferred.”

“Do you do this often?”

“Do what?”

“Fall for your therapist, get transferred, put a notch on your bedpost and move along? You seem like you do this for sport. Talk about your sad life, your mommy issues, manipulate someone into sleeping with you because there is something about sleeping with a professional that gets you so wet you cant even function. You’re not the first person to do this to me, you’re just the first one I’m telling off.” I say, walking towards the elevator.

“So little miss perfect has a twisted side?” Carmilla says, walking behind me. “Tell me more.”

“I’m not doing that again. It happened once, I made a mistake, and I’m not doing it again.”

“It’s human, you don’t have to be scared. I’m willing to transfer doctors.”

“Why?”

“It’s more than just getting with a doctor.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I mean it.” She says, following me into the elevator.

“You’re my patient. End of discussion.”

“I’ll transfer myself by Tuesday.”

“And what, that will automatically make me go out with you? I don’t think so.”

“Casual coffee. We’ll do casual coffee.”

“No.” I say, stepping out of the elevator.

“Then we’re back to running into each other by the milk.”

“Whatever Carmilla. You can change therapists if you want to, I really don’t care if you want me to listen to you or not.” I turn and walk in the other direction that Carmilla started walking in. Trying to get away from her as quickly as possible.

* * *

“Has Danny tried to talk to you?” Laf asks as they join me on the couch.

“No, I haven’t heard from her since I moved out.”

“Are you okay?”

“I feel like a weight was lifted from my shoulders a bit. I feel bad though.”

“You were with her since college, of course you would feel bad, but you weren’t going anywhere with her. It was going to be a waste and you know it.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Cocoa for Laura, tea for Laf.” Perry chimes, handing us mugs.

“Thanks Perry.”

“Thanks sweetie.” Laf smiles as they stand up to kiss Perry on the cheek before moving to the armchair.

“You’re both welcome.” There was something domestic about being with the two of them, but not a tired old domestic, a fresh content domestic, the type where they still enjoy each other’s company. It pisses me off.

“I’m going to the gym."

“It’s ten o’clock.” Perry says nervously.

“The gym is two buildings over, and it’s twenty-four hours.” I state, going into my room and changing. I stretch my legs before getting onto the treadmill, turning the speed up fast enough to run without killing myself. After a few second I begin to feel less pissed off, that is until I notice Carmilla out of the corner of my eye. I don’t give in to her, I hope she doesn’t notice me, I keep my head up avoiding eye contact until I see her face in front of me with a smirk. “Go away.”

“This is public space, I can be here just as much as you can.”

“Okay, go away from me.” I chime, stopping the machine and walking away from her.

“Workout with me.”

“No thank you.”

“Come on, throw a few punches, I’ll hold the bag.” She chimes, holding a pair of gloves out for me. I sigh, taking the gloves from her and pulling them on. “Ready when you are.” She says, taking hold of the bag. I start punching with all my might, causing Carmilla to grunt a bit as she tries to hold the bag steady. “You’re strong.”

“I’m picturing your face.”

“Is that any way to treat a patient?”

“When the patient is as annoying as a mosquito, yes.”

“That’s offensive.”

“You don’t want to be my patient anymore, so what does it matter.”

“I’d still like to see you.”

“No chance in hell.”

“What about on Earth?”

“Still no chance.” I say, throwing a final punch. “Why won’t you understand that?”

“I’ve never been told no before.”

“Well you’re being told no now.”

“I’ll see you Tuesday at ten then Dr. Hollis!” She calls out to me as I walk away.  


	5. Chapter 5

-Carmilla POV-

Walking into this office was starting to get on my nerves. It’s been five months, five months without Laura budging. Today was the first day in all of those months that I actually had to sit in the stuffy waiting room, playing Candy Crush on my phone.

“Carmilla, you can go back.” Betty chimes. I sigh and walk back into her office.

“You made me wait.”

“I was in the middle of a call.” She says, getting the fucking notebook.

“What do you write in that thing?”

“I write about how annoying you are.” She says with a smirk. “How are you?”

“Still waiting for you to give in to me.”

“Not going to happen.”

“I’m not going to give up.”

“It’s been five months, I’m not giving in anytime soon.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m not going to be a prize to you.” She says, closing the book, I can tell she’s making this about us and not the session.

“I never said you would be a prize.” I watch as Laura gets up from behind her desk, she walks over and sits down on the coffee table in front of me. I sit up straight and we fall into a staring contest. “You lose.” She smiles.

“What did I lose?”

“You lost the staring contest. You blinked.”

“I thought the staring was always a way for you to get me to talk.”

“This time it was for fun.”

“You have a beautiful smile Hollis.”

“I can’t.” She whispers, bowing her head.

“You’re not letting yourself.” I whisper, lifting her chin to look at me. “You’ve been saying how you can’t for months and your only argument is that I’m your patient. It’s only a phone call to change that. Do something outside of the box for a change. You live such a sheltered life, you need to have fun.”

“You know nothing about my personal life.”

“But I want to learn about it. I want to learn what your favorite TV shows are, and what your favorite color is. I want to know if you snore in your sleep, or mumble. I want to know where you came from, how you grew up. This whole therapist thing has been one sided. You know everything about me, so I get to take the time learning about you.”

“It’s wrong.”

“We can make it right! We can stop seeing each other professionally and make it right.” She surges forward and kisses me hard, knocking me back against the couch and straddling me. My lips reacted faster than the rest of me did, after a second I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me. “I’m sorry.” She whispers against my lips desperately before getting off of me and walking out of the room. 

* * *

“She kissed you!” Ell screams when I tell her the news.

“Yeah.”

“She did it, not you?”

“No not me.”

“What made her do that?” Ell asks, sitting back in her chair as she sips her coffee.

“I don’t know. All I know is that she jumped off of me right after and disappeared. I have no idea where she went.”

“She just left in the middle of a session?”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t know where she went in the building, but she didn’t come back after a while. I just left.”

“So you sat there, thinking she would come back?”

“Pretty much.” I say, resting my elbows on the table.

“What’s going to happen now?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I mean I’ve wanted that to happen since the first day I saw her. Now that it did… I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, the next time you see her, talk about it.” 

* * *

“Oh hello Carmilla, I’m sorry but Dr. Hollis won’t be seeing you anymore.” Betty says.

“Well I didn’t get the memo.”

“I tried calling you, I left you a message.”

“My phone’s been acting up, I’m waiting for a new one.” I say, storming into Laura’s office.

“You can’t go back there!” Betty calls after me.

“What the fuck is going on?” I ask, closing the door in Betty’s face as I walk into Laura’s office.

“I’m through treating you.” Laura says, not looking up from her computer. “This is over Miss Karnstein.”

“So you jump me and now you’re not going to treat me? Meanwhile it was _your_ fault.”

“I can’t do this anymore.” She says, running her fingers through her hair. “I can’t treat you, I can’t see you, and I can’t talk to you. We never met, this never happened.”

“So you kiss me and now you’re trying to erase me?” She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. For the first time in months she’s breaking down in front of me. Laura is allowing herself to crack in front of me.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow. “You’re fucking sorry?”

“Yes Carmilla, I am sorry.” She gets up from her desk. “I am really sorry.”

“I don’t know what you’re sorry for.” I say quietly as she walks over to hand, handing me the notebook that I hated for the past five months. “I don’t want this.”

“Take it.”

“No, I’ll toss it in the gutter on my way out of here.”

“Then toss it. I don’t care.”

“So what, we’re just strangers who run into each other on line at Starbucks and exchange polite smiles when we make eye contact?”

“I guess so. There is no class on what to do when you start to have feelings for your patient. They don’t teach that because it’s fucking illegal.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well I do. So goodbye Carmilla.” She drops the book at my feet and walks back over to her desk without a word.

 

-Laura POV-

It’s been a week since the last time I saw Carmilla in my office, I haven’t seen her anyway and it’s starting to bother me. I know she lives in the same building as I do, and yet there hasn’t been a trace of her anywhere. I know I shouldn’t be bothered by it, but I am. I told Betty to cancel my appointments for today, I needed time to myself, and the only way I could have that time, was taking the subway to Manhattan and walking through the park. It was nice this time of year; the leaves were starting to change on the trees, making everything different shades of oranges and red, with flecks of yellow in between. I find a bench and make myself comfortable. I feel my phone go off in my pocket; I look to see it was my dad. “Hi daddy.”

_“Hello pumpkin, what are you up to today?”_

“I’m just sitting in the park today, I needed time off.”

_“Come out here today.”_

“Why?”

_“You know I miss you, I haven’t seen you in a while. Come on it’ll be fun. I’ll pick you up at the train station and we’ll take a ride out to the Hamptons or something. What’s Danny doing, why don’t you bring her along too?”_

“I broke up with Danny a while ago. I was just so busy I didn’t tell you. Why don’t you come this way? I’ll meet you at Penn Station and we can do lunch.”

_“Okay, that sounds good.”_

“Text me or call me when you’re at Penn.”

_“Okay sweetie. I’ll see you soon.”_

“Bye.” I sigh and stick my phone back in my pocket.

“Hey Hollis.” The voice makes me dizzy; I look up to see Carmilla standing in front of me with a smirk on her face. The smirk that always drove me wild. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well. How are you?”

“Hanging in there.”

“Did you find a new therapist?”

“No, I refuse to see anyone else.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” A silence falls between us. “I – I’m sorry for the way things ended for us professionally. I didn’t mean to get that mad. I was upset with you.” Carmilla is referring to the last moments before she left, in some fit of rage and aggression; she pushed over one of the large bookcases by the door, the thing nearly breaking in half due to the force of it hitting the floor.

“You’re just lucky it didn’t hurt anyone.”

“I know.” The silence comes again; there is no avoiding it. She wants what I can’t give her and she isn’t letting up. “I would like it if we could start fresh.”

“No Carmilla.”

“Why are you rejecting me so much?”

“You’re a player. I’ve dated people like you before and I swore to myself I wouldn’t do it again. Players are only out for themselves, there is no getting around the fact that you want to play with me and then toss me aside. I’m not going to be a notch on your bedpost Carmilla.”

“You think that. For some reason you think you’re going to be another notch and you aren’t. I don’t want that for you. I want to try. I want to see what all the fuss is about when it comes to monogamy. I want to know.”

“Why me?”

“You’re fucking hot.” She smiles. “You’re hot in both your body and your mind. You are someone who can go from dorky to sexy in the blink of an eye. You don’t give yourself enough credit for certain things, I want you to see just how amazing you are.”

“I’m sorry Carmilla.”

“There you go running away again!” She shouts as I start to walk away from her. “You have such an obsession with being with someone, and yet you don’t even try to let _me_ be that someone for you!” I stop dead in my tracks and sigh before turning on my heels and walking back towards her.

“Just to shut you up, I will give you the satisfaction of going out for coffee with you tomorrow.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, so please shut up and leave me alone.”

“I need your number.”

“I have yours so I’ll just text you.”

“You won’t regret it cupcake.” Carmilla smiles before I roll my eyes and walk away.

* * *

“There’s my little girl.” My dad says, wrapping me up into a big hug.

“Hi dad.”

“How are you, how is everything?”

“Everything is going great dad. No need to worry."

“You know I’ll always worry about you.” He says as we begin walking towards his favorite pizza place. “What happened with you and Danny?”

“We were having issues. It didn’t feel right to be with her any longer so I called it quits.”

“She was a nice girl. Very protective of you.”

“I know dad, but I needed some time to myself.” I lied.

“That’s okay princess. Where are you staying now? I’m assuming you moved out.”

“I’m living with Perry.”

“Does Laf still live there?”

“Of course dad, Perry keeps an eye on everything they do so they don’t blow something up. There haven’t been any issues just yet.”

“Good. At least you’re okay Laura, that’s all that matters.”

“Thanks dad.”

 

-Carmilla POV-

“Where are you off to?” Ella asks, walking into the bathroom while I get ready.

“I have a date.”

“No shit. You have a date? Like not just a fuck, an actual date?”

“Yes, Carmilla Karnstein is going out on a date. Would you like to put the memo into the Times or should I?” I snap, glaring at her through the mirror.

“Who are you going out with?”

“That is classified business.”

“Your former therapist?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“Whatever you say Carmilla.” Ell winks as she walks out of the bathroom. I finish getting ready and make my way to the nearest Starbucks; seeing that Laura insisted they had the best hot chocolate. I walk up and see that she is walking in the store already. I take a deep breath, suddenly feeling more nervous than ever before. I walk in and look around to see that Laura has found a table by the window and was looking down at her phone. I took the liberty to order her a hot chocolate and a coffee for myself before walking over to her.

“Hey.” I say, startling her a bit, she looks up and smiles. “Sorry I scared you.” I place the cup in front of her and sit down.

“It’s okay. Thank you.”

“You mentioned hot chocolate the other day, that’s what I got you.”

“Thank you.” She smiles. “So you have the floor, ask me whatever you want to.”

“Are you going to give me half assed answered?”

“No, I promise.” She smiles.

“Where did you grow up?”

“I grew up on Long Island. A little shore side town.”

“Did you like living there?”

“I did, I enjoyed it. I had an easy life, just me and my dad.”

“Where’s your mom?"

“She passed away when I was little. I don’t really remember her all that much. My dad always tells me I look just like her.” She says sadly, playing with the lid of her cup.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It is what it is.” Silence falls between us, I don’t know what the hell I’m even doing, and I don’t even know how to try. “You’ve never done this before, I can tell.”

“I don’t usually do this, I’ve told you that.” I say, feeling my cheeks get hot with embarrassment.

“This is hard for you, isn’t it?”

“Kind of, I don’t know how to get to know someone. I don’t understand what it’s like to learn about someone.”

“It’s okay to be nervous.” She reaches over and places her hand over mine. “Want to take a walk? We can go over to the Park. Or we can sit here and try to talk some more.”

“Sit here.” I say quietly, looking up into her eyes.

“That’s fine Carmilla.”

“I just don’t know what to say, I’m lost.”

“It’s okay to be lost. You know that. This is a stressful thing for someone who usually gets a number and never hears from the person after they’ve slept together.”

“You’d think that would be more awkward.”

“But it isn’t, it’s easier to have sex when there isn’t love or anything involved. The intimate part goes away in order to make way for the animalistic instinct we have as humans. That’s why there’s a difference between making love and fucking. It’s easy to fuck, it’s harder to make love.”

“I suppose so.” I say quietly, sipping my coffee.

“I’m assuming you’ve only ever fucked.”

“That’s my business.”

“You would have answered me if I asked you that question last week.”

“Yeah, but now I can actually feel obligated not to answer.”

“You were always given the choice to answer or not. You just always chose to answer my questions rather than not answer them.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I know I’m right.” Laura chimes with a smirk.

“How you always known you were gay?”

“I always felt like I was. I mean, I tried to be with guys in high school, but I hated it. I was single for a while until I met Danny is college. What about you?”

“Always knew. I never tried it with a guy; I just always was attracted to girls from a young age. My mother didn’t like it, but I really didn’t care about what my mother liked.”

“You seem like you were very anti-mom and rebellious.”

“I was, I was very against what my mother wanted and what she expected of me. She wanted me to be all frilly and girly and that wasn’t me. I couldn’t even give her the satisfaction and pretend to be something I wasn’t.” I say, shacking my head a bit. “That’s why I don’t get along very well with my mother.”

“That’s why you wear leather pants and black.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Well it looks good on you, I would be able to imagine you dressed in anything else.”

“Thank you. It must have taken a lot for you to compliment me.”

“Not as much as you think.”

“Oh really now?” 

“Really.” She shrugs. I catch her eye for a moment; she smiles as we get caught in a stare off. Her eyes are soft this time, unthreatening, and not intimidating.

“Have I ever said how pretty your eyes are? I know I’ve said a lot of things to you but…”

“I think you’ve mentioned it.” She says with a small smile. “Once or twice over the past couple of months. Seeing as all you ever did was hit on me.”

“I couldn’t help it.” I lean my elbows on the table and rest my chin in my hands. “There is just something about you…” Suddenly her phone starts to ring.

“Time’s up.” She teases, looking at her phone and furrowing her brow. “I have to go.”

“Why?”

“Work. I’m sorry. I have to see a patient. They came to the office all hopped up and nervous Betty says.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

“You can walk me to the subway.” She smiles.

“I feel like this was a session outside of the office.”

“We’ll do something another time”

“Oh so there will be another time?”

“Maybe.” She chimes, stopping when we get to the entrance to the subway. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” I say quietly. Laura smiles at me before standing on her toes and kissing me on the cheek.

“Bye.”

“See you later.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little chapter to hold you over. Hopefully you like it :) 
> 
> I would also like to thank everyone for supporting this story so far, I'm surprised everyone is enjoying it as much as they are which makes it easier for me to write for you guys :)

-Carmilla POV-

“What are you going to do?” Ell asks as we sit down on the couch to watch a movie.

“I’m going to wait to see if she calls me.”

“Okay, but what if she doesn’t?”

“Then I’ll call her.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Are you gonna fuck her and dump her? It is serious question so don’t get mad at me.”

“I know it’s a serious question, and I don’t think I am. I actually have feelings for her. Like full on, what you read about in romantic novels type feelings.”

“You’ve read a romantic novel?” Ell asks, nearly choking on her drink.

“Once, I read one once, and it was only because I joined a book club at the library due to the fact that the leader of the club was hot. So my motive out ways the fact.”

“You never told me that.”

“There’s a reason why I never told you genius.”

“Either way, it’s still shocking.”

“I suppose so. Anyway, I think I’m actually going to try. I want to try with her.”

“If you fuck up, I’m not going to bail you out. I’m telling you I warned you.”

“I know, I know.” I say, reaching for my phone when I feel it vibrate in my pocket. “Hello.”

_“Hey Kitty.”_

“Hey Willy Boy, what’s up?" _  
_

_“What are you doing tomorrow? It’s time for a tally check in.”_

“Oh really now?”

_“Yes. So what are you doing?”_

“Nothing, I’ll meet you at the usual place at like six.”

_“Why so early?”_

“Don’t ask questions.” I say, hanging up the phone. 

* * *

“What’s been going on with you?” Will asks as we sit down at the bar.

“Things.” I say, taking a sip of my drink.

“Fucking?” He chimes.

“Lack of, little brother, lack of.” I say, pulling out my phone.

“What is your tally before we talk about you lacking.”

“Ten this month. You?”

“Nine.” He sighs. “How do you always beat me?”

“Charm, little brother, something you are lacking.” I say, snatching the hundred-dollar bill out of his hand. “Pleasure.” I smirk.

“So why are you lacking, not like it matters anymore until next week.”

“I think we should stop this little wager.”

“Did you meet someone?” He asks, his head snapping up from looking at his phone. “You did this to me once before. But that didn’t last longer than a week.”

“Not this time Will, I think I’m going to stick to my word this time.”

“Who is it?”

“Don’t judge me…”

“We fuck for sport. There is a lack of judging.” He says, taking a sip of his drink.

“My therapist. Well former.”

“Oh and how is that going?”

“We went out for coffee, I haven’t heard from her in a week. But she is busy so.”

“You’re a smitten kitten aren’t you?” He teases, leaning back in his seat.

“That is not to discuss just yet.”

“We’ll see how long this lasts. Cheers to that.” He says, raising his glass.

“Cheers to that.” I say, sipping my drink. 

* * *

“Hold the elevator please!” I hear a voice call out; I hold my arm out to stop the doors from closing but don’t look up from my phone. “Thank you Carmilla.” I look up to see Laura smiling at me. “How are you?”

“I’m good, how are you, would you like some help?” I ask, seeing as her hands were filled with packages from shopping.

“Uhm… yeah. If it isn’t too much trouble.”

“Not at all.” I say taking some on the things out of her hands. “We live on the same floor.” I state, seeing as she didn’t hit a different floor.

“I suppose so.”

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” She asks quietly.

“I don’t know…” I shrug, looking up to see the floors ding by.

“Look Carmilla, I know I haven’t gotten back to you in like a week, I’ve had a lot going on. I had to go home I – ”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” I say, putting my hand up to her. “We’re our own people. You can do whatever you want, and I can do whatever I want.”

“I slept with my ex.” She blurts out staring at me, seeing if she’ll get a reaction.

“That’s your business, not mine. We aren’t together, it doesn’t matter.” The doors of the elevator open and I step out first. I turn to see Laura sigh before leading the way to her apartment. She opens the door and we walk in, I notice it is laid out exactly like my apartment and I walk into the kitchen and put the bags on the counter. I turn to walk out of the room and jump slightly when I see Laura standing in my way. “Jesus Christ.”

“Sorry.” She says, walking past me to put down the things in her hands. “Look Carmilla.”

“You’re holding back something, stop beating around the bush.”

“It’s nothing to do with you and me. It’s just the point that I don’t know what to do about this.”

“What is there to do?”

“Figure things out.”

“You would think this whole relationship thing would be a lot harder for me than it is for you.” I say watching her smile sadly.

“I know, but it’s just really, really hard for me for some reason.”

“What would make it easier?” I take a step towards her. Laura takes my hand in hers and leads me through the apartment to a bedroom, we walk in and she closes the door behind us.

“My roommates, or friends, I don’t know what to call them anymore. They will be all over both of us if they walked in and saw we were in the kitchen.”

“And here I thought you were going to have your way with me.” I chime, sitting on the bed. Laura rolls her eyes and smiles, sitting down beside me and taking my hand in her.

“You’re unbelievable.” She says, shaking her head at me. “I don’t know what my life would be life if I didn’t meet you.”

“Is that your way of indirectly thanking me for being a persistent jerk to you and wanting to be with you?”

“Maybe.” She shrugs. I get lost in her eyes, I always do, and we both know that cause we get lost in each other’s eyes all the time. “Carmilla?”

“Yeah?” I say quietly, not wanting to disrupt the moment. She leans in and kisses me softly, pulling away and resting her forehead against mine. “What are we doing?”

“I’m not sure, but I know I want to figure it out.” She says, caressing my cheek and smiling shyly.

“Okay.” I whisper, kissing her again.

“Hey Frosh! Per let me rent this movie from the library and – oh, sorry.”

“It’s okay Laf.” Laura says, blushing slightly. “This is Carmilla.”

“Hey. I’m LaFontaine.” They say, walking over to me with an extended hand.

“Carmilla.” I say, trying to be as polite as possible.

“I’m sorry I interrupted you. I’ll just.” Laf says, pointing towards the door and walking out.

“Sorry about them.” Laura says quietly.

“The perks of having a roommate.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go. Spend time with your friends, watch the movie they rented.”

“I’ll text you.”

“Text me when ever you want to cupcake.” I smile, getting up from the bed. Laura reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me back down.

“I don’t really want you to leave. Do you want to just hang out with us?”

“I’m not a people person.”

“I know you aren’t. I think socializing in small groups would help you out though.”

“So you’re back to analyzing me?” I tease.

“It helps sometimes.”

“I know, but I’m not ready to hang out with your friends.” Laura looks down at our intertwined hands and starts playing it my fingers. “Look, before you know I will be ready to do a lot of things, right now we should just focus on whatever _this_ is.”

“Okay.” She nods.

“Soon cupcake, before you know it you’ll get sick of me being around.” I smile  
“Probably.”

“Thanks for the reassurance doc, no really.”

“You know I’m kidding you.” She says, leaning in to kiss me.

“I know.”

“I’ll walk you home if you want me to.”

“You can if _you_ want to.” I say, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“It’s not like it’s twenty minutes away.”

“Then you can walk me home.” I smile. We get up from the bed and walk out of her room. We walk into the living room to find the ginger twins sitting on the couch.

“Perry, this is Carmilla.”

“Nice to meet you Carmilla.” Perry chirps.

“Nice to meet you too.”

“I’m just going to walk Carmilla to her apartment, it’s only a few doors down.”

“No problem, do what you want.” Laf says. Laura and I walk out of her apartment and into the hallway. We walk to my apartment and stand outside the door.

“Well that you for helping me before.” Laura says.

“No problem. Thank you for walking me home.”

“It was so far away, I didn’t want you walking all alone.”

“I don’t know if I would have made it.”

“Well if it wasn’t for me I don’t think you would have.” I look at her and smile.

“You’re a dork.”

“Yeah well, you have yet to witness the whole Laura Hollis Experience.”

“Wow, so you’re an amusement park attraction?”

“Ha, ha.” She says, rolling her eyes. I lean in and kiss her softly.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.” She says quietly as she turns on her hears and walks back to her apartment.

“Why are you walking in here with a smile?” Ell asks as I barely make it through the door. “Was that cutie your therapist girlfriend?”

“You peeped didn’t you?”

“Well yeah I did, I heard you talking and couldn’t help but look.”

“You’re nosy.”

“And she’s hot.”

“No really, I had no idea she was.” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes. “She isn’t my girlfriend by the way.”

“She didn’t make it into your bed within the three minute exchange just now, that I call a success to which she is your girlfriend.” Ell chimes as she sits down on the couch.

“Whatever you say Ell.”

“You have a fear of commitment, that’s why you get pale at the thought of having a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, well.”

“Get over it and get her.”

“Okay.” I say quietly, walking to my room.


	7. Chapter 7

-Carmilla POV-

I’m sitting in class trying not to fall asleep as the professor discussed the book we had to read, Kierkegaard’s _The Sickness unto Death_ , when I feel my phone go off in my pocket. I check it to see a text from Laura.

(11:30) How’s class?

(11:30) Boring, I’m going to fall asleep.

(11:35) That sounds fun :p

(11:40) So much fun.

(11:43) What are you doing after?

(11:44) Are you asking me out cupcake?

(11:51) Don’t get your hopes up. No, yeah, I was wondering if you wanna grab lunch?

(12:00) I’m finished in fifteen; I’ll meet you at your office.

(12:01) Sounds like a plan :) 

* * *

I’m standing outside of Laura’s office building playing a game on my phone. “Hey.” Laura chime, starling me a bit. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” She smiles, leaning in to give me a quick kiss.

“It’s only, I needed my daily dose of scared for no reason today. Where are we going?”

“Where ever you want to go.”

“I’m craving a burrito.” I say, patting my stomach.

“Burrito it is.” She smiles, taking my hand in hers. Thankfully the place that we went to wasn’t far from Laura’s office, nearly on the same block. We ordered our food and found a table by the window. “How was the rest of your class?”

“It was good, I managed to stay awake.” I say with a mouthful of burrito.

“That’s good. What were you talking about?”

“An essay, or book, I don’t know how to classify it, but it was written by Kierkegaard, it’s about death and how different things could contribute to how we die. The thought of death is really a sickness that shouldn’t be.”

“Interesting.”

“Tiring. I mean the thought process of his is interesting, but overall, listening to a professor talk about it in a monotone, if you didn’t text me I may have passed out.”

“Well you’re welcome from saving you from the embarrassment of falling asleep in class.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time I fell asleep.” I shrug. “How’s work?”

“It is what it is, I can’t talk about patients.”

“Just like you can’t go to lunch with them.” I tease.

“You aren’t my patient anymore, are you?”

“No ma’am I am not.”

“So there you go.” She chimes, rolling her eyes at me. “You’re annoying.”

“You have no idea.” I chime, smiling at her. I wipe my mouth with a napkin and can’t help but lean over the table and kiss her.

“You taste like hot sauce and sour cream.”

“Is that a complaint?”

“No.” She says, shaking her head.

“Good.” We finish up our lunch and walk back to Laura’s office. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.” She says quietly, looking up at me and smiling. “We should do something.”

“That’s a vague request.”

“Well, we’ll make it more specific when we figure out what we’re doing.”

“I have a question, not to like ruin the moment or anything, but I didn’t want to ruin lunch and it’s been clawing away at me.”

“Okay. I don’t have much time, but what’s the question?” She asks, looking at her watch, her tone going from playful to serious in half a second.

“The other day when you said you slept with your ex, I know it’s not my business, but did you?”

“It’s not your business if I did or didn’t. We aren’t exclusive, I don’t have to answer that.”

“Why do you get angry when I ask something like that?”

“Because it isn’t your concern.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to get annoyed with me for asking.”

“You shouldn’t be asking things that aren’t your business.”

“Bye Laura.” I snap, turning around and walking towards the subway. I get home to find that Ell wasn’t home from work just yet, which gave me time to brood without an audience and questions, I walked into my room and tossed my bag onto the chair by my door before stripping my clothes and putting on something comfortable. I walk into the living room and turn on something mind numbing.

“What happened?” Ell asks, walking into the apartment.

“What makes you think something happened?”

“You’re home, in sweats, and watching… House Hunters at two in the afternoon. Something happened.”

“Nothing happened, I just asked Laura a question, she didn’t answer it and I got annoyed.”

“That’s something happening genius.”

“Okay, so that happened. Why do I always have to explain myself when something happens?"

“Because I’m your best friend, I am given the right to know everything that’s going on.”

“Speaking of that, what happened with you and that guy?”

“We had sex and it sucked so I never called him back.”

“I see I’m rubbing off on you.” I tease. “Cheers to that.” I say, raising my drink to her.

“I suppose so. What happened with Laura?”

“Nothing, it’s stupid. She got mad at me because I asked her if she really slept with her ex or was just saying it to get me to leave her alone or something like that. She went from being cute to be professional and it pissed me off.

“You are in unchartered territory for you, you know that.”

“What does that mean?”

“She’s older than you by, what, five years or so? You’ve never been with someone older than you by that much.”

“I don’t know how that matters.” 

“She’s a professional person, she’s older than you, and she may see you as immature or something like that.”

“Before that happened, she texted me and we went to lunch, so I don’t understand what you mean.” 

“So then she’s just a confusing lady.” Ell shrugs before walking to her room.

 

-Laura POV-

“Hello?” I call out as I walk into the apartment.

“Hey, are you okay?” Danny asks, walking over to me.

“Y-yeah.”

“You seemed urgent when you called. Regardless of anything, I still care about you.”

“I know you do.” I smile, stepping forwards and giving her a hug.

“What are you doing here? Really?”

“I’m confused.” I whisper.

“What about?” She mumbles into the top of my head.

“Everything. I think I’m going to go stay with my dad for a week. I need to think.”

“What’s there to think about? Why are you telling me this? You haven’t been living here for weeks now, we only slept together that one time you came over, but that was because we were both wasted and hopped up on our emotions. Laura, I don’t understand why you’re here, and I don’t think you even know why.”

“I miss you.”

“Missing me doesn’t change anything. I’m sorry.”

* * *

“Laura, sweetie, you’ve been in bed all day. Betty said you didn’t call her to change anything with your schedule.” Perry says, walking into my room.

“Tell her to reschedule everything. I’m taking the week off.” I say from under my covers.

“Okay. LaFontaine went to work, I have to go to work soon, are you going to be okay?”

“I’m a grown up Perry, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Perry smiles before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. I get out of bed and start packing a small suitcase for the week. After I finished packing, I made sure I had everything I needed several times before walking out the door. I open the door to find Carmilla standing with her fist raised like she was about to knock.

“Oh. Hi.” She says, her face turning pink.

“Hi. Excuse me.” I say, pushing past her.

“Where are you going?”

“Away.”

“Where’s away?”

“Not your concern.”

“Okay, you’re right.”

“I don’t know what we’re doing Carmilla.” I say, stopping halfway down the hall and turning to face her.

“I thought we were just going with it.”

“What is it? What are we going with?”

“Life, us, whatever we want this to be.”

“I don’t know what I want it to be.”

“You’re confusing.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be confusing to this extent; I just don’t know what I want from you, from us. If there is going to be an us I don’t think I want anything. I don’t know.”

“You talk in circles when you’re nervous. You need to calm down Laura.” Carmilla says, walking over to me and putting her hands on my shoulders. “You need to calm down and realize that I want this. I want for you to be happy with me, I want you to want this too.”

“I don’t know what I want right now. I have too much going on, I miss my ex, and I want to be with you. I have too much going on with work… I just need some time to think. I need to go away for the week and think.” 

“Think all you want, I don’t know how much it’s going to help, but you can think all you want and see what happens. I just know that I don’t want to be without you.” She whispers. “I’ve never felt this way ever and I know that whatever happens I want to be with you.”

“And I don’t know if I really want to be with you.” I admit, watching her face fall a bit.

“Is that how this is going to be? We’re going to be playing a twisted game of cat and mouse until we sleep together, then you’re going to realize that I will be there when you wake up in the morning and then you’re going to feel better about everything you’ve been debating. But if I’m gone when you wake up, even if I had class to go to, you’re going to be upset and realize that you’re a notch.”

“You don’t understand Carmilla.” I say, pinching the bridge of my nose. “You will never understand.”

“Try me. Make me understand Laura, help me understand!”

“I’m scared!”

“Of what? What is there to be scared of? Do you think I’m not scared? I’m scared shitless Laura, I’m so fucking scared I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m scared I’ll screw things up, I’m scared I’ll say the wrong thing, I’m scared I’ll make a jerk out of you and myself. The list of things that scare me go on and on, but I try to not let that get in the way of what matters.”

“What matters?” I ask, wiping the tears on my cheeks.

“You. You matter more that you’ll know. I’m struggling because I don’t want to fuck up for the sake of you.”

“You’re scared of commitment.”

“And you’re scared of being alone.” Carmilla says. “If you ask me, your fear outweighs my fear. It’s easy to get over not wanting to commit, I haven’t found someone to commit to in the right ways, and the thought of never finding that person scared the shit out of me. But a fear of never being with someone will never go away if you don’t get someone a chance to show you that you will never be alone.”

“I still need time to think. I’m going to visit my dad for the week. When I get home or feel better, I will call you.”

“Whatever it takes to make you feel better.” She says, kissing me on the cheek before smiling and walking back into her apartment.

 

-Carmilla POV-

I hear someone knocking at the door; with a yawn I get up from the couch and walk over opening the door to find Laura standing there with a small smile. “Has it been a week already?”

“It’s been three days. I had to come back; a patient had an emergency and refused to wait to talk to me. Can I come in?” I step aside and let her walk though the door.

“I’m sorry for the mess, my roommate has been away for a couple of days and the place gets messy when she isn’t around.” I say, ridding the coffee table of dirty dishes and empty beer bottles.

“It’s okay. I didn’t assume you were a clean person.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re general laid back attitude and evident laziness gave it away. My job is to read people sweetheart.” She teases, taking a seat on the couch.

“Do you want anything?”

“No thank you, I’m okay.” I walk over and sit on the couch across from her. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I just wanted to come say hello. I did some thinking as promised. I think I’m done dicking you around.”

“Oh really now?”

“Yeah, I mean. I have a lot going on in my head, I try to cope with it, but sometimes I need a good kick in the butt.”

“I’m assuming that’s what you got?”

“My dad is a very wise man, he did some butt kicking, yes.” She smiles. “We talked about a lot of things, he is my best friend. I don’t really keep anything from him. Anyway, he told me to go with what feels like the right thing to do and listen to my heart. My heart wants to be with you, and I know that when the time comes we will be officially, but for right now, I don’t want to make it any more serious than just dating. Like coffees and lunches, I don’t want to be forced into a relationship.” 

“Cupcake, you sound like me. I want all of that too. We’ll start really slow and the work it up from there. I promise, you won’t have to worry about my motives. We can work at whatever place you want to.” I say, getting up from the couch and crouching down in front of her, taking her hands in mine. “Everything will work out, and not for the wrong reasons.”


	8. Chapter 8

-Laura POV-

“Thank you for helping me, you really have no idea how much this means.” I say, standing in the doorway of my new apartment.

“Not a problem cupcake, you know that.” Carmilla smiles as she puts the last box next to the door before pulling me in for a kiss. She and I have been together for about a month now, officially, after a lot of tugging back and forth we both talked things out and decided to go at a snails pace. “Do you want me to help you unpack?”

“You can stay if you want to, you don’t have to though.”

“It’s fine sweetheart, I’ll stay with you.” She smiles, kissing me again.

“Okay frosh, the bed has been put together.” Laf says walking out of the bedroom.

“And the kitchen and bathroom have been scrubbed to my standard.” Perry chimes, trailing behind Laf.

“Thanks guys. Really, thank you so much.”

“Once you’re settled we will have a party and invite everyone.” Laf chimes.

“Sounds like a plan.” I smile, hugging Laf and Perry before they leave. I sigh and lean back against the door. “Now the fun part.”

“Unpacking all of you knick-knacks.” Carmilla smiles as she begins rummaging through random boxes. “What’s this?” She chimes when she pulls out an old yearbook.

“Oh god, Carmilla.”

“What? I wanna see how cute you were in high school.”

“Please spare me.”

“Why?” She says, opening the book. “You’re hot with glasses.” She glances at me over the top of the book. “Even with braces. You know, some people can’t pull off braces, but you did it quite well cupcake.”

“Thanks.” I mumble as I roll my eyes and walk over to her.

“You’re embarrassed about something. There is something that I’m going to find and it scares you.” She says, pulling the book away when I try and snatch it from her.

“Come on Carmilla, can I have it back?”

“Nope, not until I find you secret.” She flips through the pages. “School paper, you were in the school play, you played volleyball. How the hell did you manage everything?”

“I made deals with the teachers. I went to Volleyball three times a week, and the paper I did twice a week and during lunch, and I mainly did the sets for the play so that was fine for after practice and weekends.”

“And you still managed to pass and graduate?”

“I passed with all A’s.” I shrug.

“Toot your own horn all you want cupcake. I find this something to be proud of no matter what.” Carmilla chimes, kissing me on the cheek.

“You had to have done some stuff like that to get into NYU.”

“Not really.” She mumbles, closing the book and putting it on the table beside her.

“What do you mean? What did you do in high school?”

“I slept through my classes, pulled mostly C’s. The only reason I got into NYU was because my mother didn’t want me going to a community college, she’s all about status, so rather than donating money to an Ivy League, she put money into NYU in order for me to go to school there.”

“How does your mother have that kind of money?”

“She’s kind of the CEO of her own company that is the head of a bunch of little companies all over the world.” Carmilla shrugs.

“You come from an international business family? Why did you never tell me this?”

“Because I don’t like my mother. She’s all about status and things like that. She wants to know that her yacht docked in the Mediterranean is the biggest one there. She doesn’t care about anything but status and materials.”

“Your mother has a yacht in the Mediterranean?”

“Yeah, we also have a flat in London, a beach house in the Hamptons. She has an apartment in Tokyo. You name it; she probably has a house or apartment there. The only reason I say ‘we’ when it comes to London and the Hamptons is because those are my two favorite places to go when I’m not in school.”

“Can we go one day?”

“Where?”

“To your flat in London? Maybe even your house in the Hamptons one weekend?”

“Whenever you want to go. I just have to call JFK and let them know when we want to leave.”

“You have your own plane?!”

“No, it’s my mother’s plane. That’s one of the things she lets us kids use when it’s available. The helicopter is on standby to go to the Hamptons whenever I want to go.”

“Holy crap.”

“I don’t want this to get in the way of what we have going on Laura, I just want you to know that.”

“It’s a perk, not a wedge, I promise.” I say, kissing her softly.

“So now you’re with me for the perk of my mommy’s money?” She teases, kissing me again.

“Again, it’s just a perk. I promise, now make yourself useful and finish unpacking.” 

* * *

“Am I going to get fed for helping you?” Carmilla whines as she flops down on the couch after we’ve been unpacking for a few hours.

“I didn’t know I had to feed you.”

“Well I’m not asking you to pay me with money so I was hoping.”

“I mean I guess I’ll feed you.” I say, flopping down beside her and picking up my phone. “What do you want?”

“Whatever you’re offering.”

“Pizza.”

“Perfect.” She smiles, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek. We finish unpacking some boxes in the kitchen while we wait for the pizza to arrive; when it does we stay in the living room to eat. I open a bottle of wine and sit on the floor next to Carmilla. “Pizza and wine? You are quite classy aren’t you?”

“The classiest.” I chime.

“To new beginnings for you, and for us.” Carmilla says, raising her glass.

“To new beginnings.” I smile, tapping my glass to Carmilla’s.

* * *

I open my eyes to see thick dark brown curls and smile.

“I can feel you staring at me cupcake.” Carmilla mumbles as she turns to face me. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” I smile, brushing her hair out of her face. I watch her open her eyes, blinking a few times in order to adjust to the light before looking at me and smiling. “How did you sleep?”

“I like your bed.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Pretty much.” She chimes, leaning up to kiss me quickly.

“I have to get to work, and you have to get to class.”

“But I can skip it.” She says, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“That may be, but I can’t skip work.” I say, kissing her one last time before getting out of bed.

“Being a grown-up isn’t fun.”

“But it’s rewarding.”

“How?” She asks, sitting up in bed and stretching.

“I have a good job, that allows me to do what I love and be able to afford a place like this to live, as well as have money for other things I like.”

“Okay, I have all of that too.”

“But you’re mother is rich. I had to earn everything the old fashioned way.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Carmilla snaps, getting out of bed and walking over to me.

“I didn’t mean for it to sound like that, I just mean that I’ve had to work hard for different things and – ”

“And what? I got handed everything in life because my mommy is rich? Newsflash Laura, that’s _her_ money, okay. It isn’t _my_ money. My mother is rich not me. You want to know how much money I have in the bank right now? I have $300, that’s supposed to last me until I get paid in two weeks. It may seem like enough, but it isn’t. I have to pay my shitty bills with that money and feed myself for two weeks, which after I pay my bills, leaves me with like forty bucks for food. Thankfully I live with someone who doesn’t worry about me paying a portion of the rent because she knows a crappy bookstore job won’t even pay for it. And living that way is easier than asking my mother for a hand out when I need a few bucks in my pocket. The only thing my mother pays for me is tuition, and that’s because she want to brag that I go to NYU. So don’t try to act like I’m privileged or that I don’t know what it’s like to work hard. Whatever I told you are just perks to having a rich mother, but it doesn’t cover up the fact that she wouldn’t care either way if I was homeless or starving!”

“Carmilla, I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

“No you didn’t think.” She says, walking around the room to pick up her clothes.

“What are you doing?” I sigh.

“Leaving.” I was over to her and grab her arms. “Let go of me.”

“I’m not letting you leave Carmilla. There is no point in you leaving at all.”

“Well you’re going to watch me leave.”

“Carmilla, stop.”

“Why Laura? So you can tell me how much you think you know me? So you can act like you know everything about me because I was a patient of yours?”

“No, I want you to calm down. Look I’m sorry.”

“Oh you’re sorry, Laura Hollis is sorry. Stop the presses, she says something stupid and then is sorry for you, you know what Laura I don’t care how sorry you are, you were quick to assume and that’s what pisses me off.”

“I didn’t mean to piss you off. You just seem like you come from a background that doesn’t have to worry financially.”

“My mother, sister, and brother don’t have to worry financially. My mother has all of the money, my sister makes her own money, and my brother is so far up my mother’s ass that he gets everything he wants without hesitation. On the other hand, my mother hates me and therefore leaves me to fend for myself until I get to the point where I have to crawl on my belly to her in order to get a couple of hundred bucks to buy food.” I sigh, hitting a nerve with Carmilla is something that doesn’t go over very well, she doesn’t like to be thought of as anything less that how she holds herself, she want to be fine, she wants everyone to think she is fine.

“I’m sorry I said anything. I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you still going to leave?"

“Y – yeah I want to leave.” She says, looking down at her feet.

“Fine, leave. I won’t stop you. Go.” I step away from her and point towards the door and walk into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. After a moment I hear a light thud against the door.

“Laura, I’m sorry.” Carmilla says through the door, her voice muffled. “Cupcake, come out of there please. I didn’t mean to lose my temper; I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.” I sigh, but I don’t give in to her. “Laura Hollis, come out here, I don’t want to be a jerk for leaving you like this.” I open the door and see her standing there with a small smile. “I’m sorry. That’s the third time I’ve said it and I never say I’m sorry to anyone, so you better feel special.”

“And I sorry I upset you. You’ve never told me about your mother and the relationship you have with her.”

“Maybe I didn’t tell you for a reason.” She says, placing her hands on my waist. “Some things I’m allowed to keep to myself no matter what.”

“I know, I know.” I say quietly, placing my hands on the back of her neck. “We’ll work through everything. There is no way there won’t be disagreements and arguments between us, but I just want to know that we will find a way to get over them and work through them as best as possible.”

“I think that’s fair.” She whispers, resting her forehead against mine.

“I care about you Carm.”

“I know.”


	9. Chapter 9

-Carmilla POV-

 

“So you remembered where you live? I was starting to worry.” Ell chimes as I walk through the door.

“Shut up.” I snap, walking into the kitchen to fix myself a cup of coffee.

“What’s wrong, trouble in doctor lover paradise?”

“No, it’s just.” I sigh. “We had a slight argument this morning, it was about mother and finances.”

“So you told her you are rich?”

“I told her mother is rich.”

“But you hate that you too are rich and gave the ‘I have no money, I’m really poor,’ story to make her seem sympathetic towards you and to not make it out that you’re a snobby rich kid that needs therapy.”

“I really fucking hate you sometimes, I hope you know that.”

“No you don’t. You may hate that I’m always right, but you’ll never hate me.”

“Whatever you say Jiminy Cricket.” I chime, taking my coffee and going into my room.

“Always let your conscience be your guide.” She sings, laughing as I flip her off and close the door behind me. I sigh as I walk over to my dresser and turn my on my stereo before getting ready to start my assignment. After a few hours and getting everything done, I made my way out of my room and into the kitchen. “I thought you died.” Ell says as she fixes dinner for herself.

“Me, die? Never.” I say, stealing a tomato from the bowl.

“Those are for you.” She says, using the knife to point at the table. I look to see a bouquet of flowers in a vase. “I think they’re from Dr. Love.”

“Hell no. Do _not_ use that word at all.”

“You and I both know you do.”

“Shut up.” I snap, turning to the flowers, sunflowers to be exact. I smile slightly and take the card out of its holder. _‘I know you said you forgive me, but I hope this little gesture helps a bit more. I remember you saying you liked sunflowers :) - Your cupcake.’_ I take the vase into my room and place it on my bedside table before looking for my phone and calling Laura.

 _“Hey.”_ She says, after two rings.

“Hey cupcake, thank you for the flowers.”

_“Oh, you’re welcome. Did you only get them now? They were supposed to be there like two hours ago, I don’t believe it.”_

“I was working on some assignments and was in my room for a while, they may have gotten dropped off a while, but my friend knows not to bother me and all, so I only just got them now, well saw them now.”

 _“Oh, okay. Well you’re welcome either way. I – I hope it cheered you up.”_ She says quietly.

“It did cupcake.”

 _“Good.”_ A silence falls between us. _“Do you want to come over? I was going to make dinner and when I went to the store I kinda bought too much and I was wondering if you would want to come over and cook and spend time together or something.”_

“What did you plan on making?”

_“I was going to make vegetarian lasagna.”_

“I’ll be over soon.”

_“Excellent. I mean not excellent, but I’m happy you’re going to come over.”_

“So, excellent?” I tease.

 _“Yes.”_  

* * *

I take a deep breath and fix my shirt before knocking on Laura’s apartment door. I hear some muffled cursing before she opens the door with a smile. “Hi.” She chimes.

“Everything okay?” I ask, walking into the apartment.

“Yeah, I just hit my head when I heard you knocking, I was looking for a pan in the cabinet.”

“As long as you’re okay.” I say, walking into the kitchen to see that she was beginning to prepare dinner. “You started the fun without me?” I tease.

“I started setting up the fun.” Laura chimes, taking the bag I was carrying. “What’s this?”

“Oh, seeing as you were making dinner I brought dessert. I got cookies from that bakery you like.” I say quietly, feeling my cheeks get warm.

“That’s sweet. Thank you.” She says, kissing me on the cheek. “Okay, wash your hands, take off your jacket, and roll up your sleeves.”

“Yes ma’am.” After doing what Laura told me to do, I rejoined her in the kitchen. “What do you need me to do cupcake?”

“Are you good in the kitchen?”

“I don’t like to brag, but I can make a mean PB&J.”

“So I’ll take that as a no.” She chuckles.

“Yeah, not really.”

“Do you know what this is?” She smiles, holding up a knife.

“It’s a knife, cupcake. I know what a kitchen is and what’s in it, I just don’t cook that much. Ell likes cooking and doesn’t like when I bother her while she cooks.”

“Oh, okay. Would you mind using this to cut some vegetables?”

“No, I’ll do whatever you want me to.” I smile, taking the knife from her.

“Thank you.” She smiles, kissing me on the cheek. After a little bit I see her out of the corner of my eye peering over my shoulder to see how I was doing.

“Anything wrong?”

“Nope, you’re doing perfect.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She says, patting my shoulder before going back to what she was doing.

“I’m done cupcake.”

“Good, I’m going to throw this together quick and put it in the oven.”

“Do you need help?”

“No, what goes into the seasoning is a secret, you can’t know what’s in it yet.” Laura smiles, kissing me quickly.

“Can I at least stay in here and watch from a distance?”

“I guess, pour us some wine then. The bottle is over there, I opened it before.”

“You let your wine breathe?”

“Of course, if you don’t it doesn’t taste as good.”

“My mother would like that about you.”

“Let’s not talk about your mother, seeing as the result wasn’t all that good last time.” Laura says as I hand her a glass of wine.

“I suppose that’s a good idea. Tonight is just about you and me.”

“To us.” She smiles, raising her glass.

“To us.” I say, touching my glass to hers and taking a sip before leaning in and kissing her softly. “How long until this amazing meal is ready?”

“It has to bake for at least a half an hour." 

“Whatever shall we do in that time?"

“I could think of something, but not what you’re thinking.”

“Oh really, and you know what I was thinking?”

“I always know what you’re thinking.” She smirks, putting the pan in the oven, making a show of bending over.

“You’re killing me Hollis.” I say quietly before taking my sip of wine.

“What was that?” She asks closing the over door and setting the timer.

“Nothing.”

“I’ll let this one slide.” She smiles, taking her wine glass and walking into the living room.

“Laura?”

“Yes?”

“Is this your mom in this picture with you?”

“Yeah, it is.” She says as she sits down on the couch.

“You look a lot like her.”

“Everyone says that.”

“D – do you not want to talk about it?”

“No, not really. If that’s okay.”

“It’s more than okay Laura, don’t worry.” I say, sitting down beside her.

“I just miss her a lot and it hurts to talk about her but…”

“Sometimes you want to talk about her?” I ask, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah, she passed away almost a year ago now. It’ll be a year November first.”

“That’s not too far away.”

“No it isn’t, she had cancer. She fought the long fight.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t. I just wish she didn’t get sick and pass away, or at least held on a bit longer.”

“I know you do, but that’s life.”

“I know, you live and you die.”

“But think about death is what leads us to it faster, if you dread the inevitable, it could drive you into a state of mind that is hard to get out of.”

“You sound like a book.”

“Well that’s basically the book I was reading for class a few months ago. That’s how I interpreted it.” I shrug.

“You’re very smart, Carmilla.” Laura says quietly.

“Thanks cupcake.”

“I mean it, I’ve had patients that are twice your age and aren’t intelligent like you are, you’re very smart for your age.”

“Thank you cupcake.” I smile, leaning in to kiss her. “You’re not too bad yourself.” I tease, laughing when Laura shoves me playfully.

“You’re an ass hole no matter what.”

“Of course, I can’t let anything get in the way of that.”

“I can’t believe you sometimes.” She smiles, leaning in to kiss me again.

“Can’t believe that I am amazingly smart, talented, and extremely good looking?”

“I don’t know what your talent is, but the other things are easy to go along with.”

“I have an amazing hidden talent.”

“And when do I get to see what this talent is?”

“I don’t share my talents until the third date.”

“We didn’t even have a second date.”

“I consider this a second date, we prepared a meal together, there’s wine, I brought cookies. I think this classifies as a date.”

“I suppose you’re right.” She shrugs, kissing me on the cheek before getting up from the couch. I follow her into the kitchen and lean against the doorframe, watching her with a small smile on my face. Something about her makes me so much happier than I ever thought possible. “You’re gawking at me.” Laura smiles, breaking me out of my daze.

“I’d never gawk at you. I was observing your beauty.” I smile, walking up to her and wrapping my arms around her waist.

“That’s a polite way of saying you were gawking at me.” She smiles, placing her hands on the back of my neck and playing with my hair.

“Basically.”

“You’re adorable.”

“No I’m not. I’m the broodiest brooder you’ve ever met, I am not _adorable_.”

“You’re an adorable badass.”

“I suppose that is acceptable.” Laura grins as she leans in to kiss me on the cheek before attending to what she was cooking once the timer went off. “Carm, can you set the table? Plates are in the cabinet over the coffee pot and the silverware is in the drawer next to the sink.”

“No problem.” I set the table while Laura finishes up the final touches of our meal before we sit down at the table. “This looks good cupcake.”

“Thank you. You can dig in. I’ll get our glasses from the living room.”

“I’ll get them, you sit.” I say, getting up from the table.

“Thank you.” She smiles, sitting in her seat, I walk back into the kitchen and grab the bottle off of the counter before sitting back down at the small table. “Help yourself Carm, seriously.” I smile, taking a helping of lasagna and bread, as well as some salad on the side. “Do you like it?” Laura asks as soon as I take a bite.

“It’s delicious Laura.”

“Thanks babe.” She chimes before she starts eating. “It’s my mother’s recipe. She was a vegetarian, so my dad and I were made to eat that way, not that I minded it; everything she made was delicious. On Sundays she would make my dad a steak though, he always looked forward to Sundays.” Laura chuckles, before I realized it, I ate my entire plate. “You can have seconds, you can eat the whole thing.”

“It’s so good cupcake, I never enjoyed something so much. You’re an amazing cook.”

“I’m glad you appreciate it.” After I finished nearly half of the pan while we had light conversation, I cleaned up the table and the dishes. I meet Laura back in the living room after making us coffee and bringing the cookies with me, placing everything on the coffee table.

“I can’t get over thanking you enough, cupcake. That was the best meal I’ve had.”

“I’ll cook for you whenever you want me to.”

“Well now you’re never getting rid of me.” I chime.

“I guess that’s okay.” She teases, reaching for a cookie from the box. “Can I ask you something?”

“If you must.”

“Are you doing anything this weekend?”

“No, not really. Why?”

“Do you want to come with me to meet my dad?”

“Whoa, that’s a big step.”

“It’s not that big, I mean, we’ve been together seriously for a little over a month, but I’ve known you for a while. I don’t want to go by myself, and I want my dad to meet you.”

“I don’t know cupcake.”

“Please, it’ll be fun. We’re just going to be there for the weekend. But my dad will only want to do something the first night, then Saturday we can do whatever we want to.”

“I’ll think about it. I promise.” I smile, leaning over to kiss her.

* * *

“It’s going to be okay Carmilla, I promise.” Laura says as we get on to the train. After days of begging and convincing, I agreed to spend the weekend with Laura and her dad.

“I know, I’m just nervous. I – I’ve never met a parent before.”

“Really, you’ve never met a girlfriend’s parents?”

“Nope, I was never into the dating thing, it was easier that way. I don’t know what to do or what to say. I’m scared.”

“Don’t be scared, everything will be okay. My dad is going to love you.” She says, kissing me on the cheek.

“Is he picking us up?”

“Yeah, he is. Everything will be okay.” Laura takes my hand in hers and gives it a small squeeze. The ride on the train seemed to go by faster than I thought, we get off the train and walk off of the platform to see a middle aged man standing at the curb, his arms crossed over his chest and a baseball cap on his head. Something about him seems as threatening as a Chihuahua. “Hi daddy!” Laura shriek, running over to the man who breaks into a large smile, wrapping his arms around Laura tightly.

“Hello sweetie. How are you?”

“I’m doing well dad.” She smiles, turning towards me and waving me over. “Daddy, this is my girlfriend Carmilla. Carmilla, this is my dad.”

“Nice to meet you sir.” I say, extending my hand.

“Nice to meet you.” He says sternly, looing me up and down before looking at Laura, his eyes softening when he looks at her. “Let’s go girls, I want to miss out on the traffic.” We get into the car, Laura insisted on sitting in the back seat with me, something her father didn’t argue with. We pull up to a small house after a twenty-minute ride. “Welcome to my home Carmilla.” Mr. Hollis says as we get out of the car. “I would ask for you to treat this house with respect, you will be staying in the guest bedroom.”

“Dad, no. I’m twenty-seven years old. I should be allowed to have my girlfriend sleep in the same room as me.” Her dad sighs as we reach the front door.

“No funny business, okay.”

“Deal. And don’t worry daddy there will be no funny business of any sort.”

“Okay.” He smiles. “Show Carmilla your room, I would like to have lunch with you two, at least, before you go gallivanting around.”

“No problem.” Laura says, taking my hand in hers and leading me towards her bedroom. “Now, before we go in here, my dad hasn’t really changed much about the room since I moved out, seeing as I didn’t take a lot of things with me, he wanted to keep the room as a shrine almost.” She says rolling her eyes.

“And why are you telling me this?”

“Don’t laugh.” She says, opening the door to reveal a Laura Hollis nerd cave. The walls were covered in everything from Harry Potter posters, to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and ever Dr. Who. I smile, taking in the innocence of the bedroom. “Are you laughing?” Laura asks as she sits on her bed.

“Of course I’m not laughing, I promise.” I chime, lying down on the bed beside her. “The room is very you, cupcake.”

“And what do you mean by that?”

“Nerdy.”

“I’m not a nerd!”

“Say that to the Tardis mug you have next to your coffee making and the Hufflepuff pajama pants you have in your drawer at home”

“Okay, okay.”

“I think it’s cute that you have a nerdy side.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, it’s admirable, I mean I love Harry Potter as much as the next millennial.” I shrug, smiling as Laura leans in to kiss me.

“Laura!”

“Coming dad! We have to go.” She says, kissing me quickly before getting out of bed.

“I don’t wanna.”

“I know, but you have to just do lunch with him and then we can take a ride.”

“Want to go to my beach house?” I ask, following her to the dining room.

“Yeah, I would like that.” She smiles, kissing my cheek as we reach the room.

* * *

“Your dad is a threatening as a teddy bear. It’s so funny how he tries to make himself see like he isn’t.”

“Yeah, I know. He just always wants what’s best for me and puts on his best scary face to make sure the people I’m dating don’t hurt me.”

“I would never hurt you cupcake.” I say, reaching over and taking Laura’s hand in mine.

“I know that, and I think he knows that too.”

“Good. Pull in here.” I say, pointing to the gated driveway. I get out of the car and punch in the code.

“I would have done that.”

“If mother knows I gave out the code, she would change it and not tell me.”

“How would she know?”

“There’s a camera that can see who’s driving, and if she sees that I told it to you and didn’t do it myself she’ll make it an issue.”

“Your mother is very…”

“Crazy? I know.”

“I was going to say, she’s peculiar.”

“But crazy is the better choice. You can park in front of the first garage door.” Laura stops the car and we both get out, I meet her in front of the car and take her hand in mine as I lead her towards the front door, looking for the proper key in the process. “I’ve never brought another girl here ever. Not even Ell.”

“Well aren’t I special.”

“You are cupcake.” I smile, kissing her softly; I open the door and allow Laura to walk in first. “Welcome.” I whisper in her ear.

“Carmilla? Is that you?” I hear a familiar voice say from the living room.

“Fuck.”

“Who’s that?”

“Hello sweetheart! It’s been ages.”

“Hello mother.”


	10. Chapter 10

-Carmilla POV-

“Sweetie, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Then again I don’t remember when I saw you last. How are you? Who is this?”

“This is Laura, Laura this is my mother.” I say quietly, not being able to get over the anxious feeling.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Karnstein.” Laura says politely, extending her hand to my mother.

“Please dear, call me Lilita. Welcome to my beach house, are you girls planning on staying long?”

“No, I was just going to show Laura around and then head into town.”

“Oh, come on Carmilla, at least stay and have dinner.”

“No thanks mother. Come on Laura.” I say, taking her hand in mine and leading her towards the back of the house.

“I’m guessing you didn’t know she was going to be here.”

“No, I didn’t know that she was going to be here. I hate her.”

“Carmilla, she seems nice.”

“Only because I was with you. You don’t know her yet like I do cupcake. I don’t want you to know her.”

“I would like to get to know her, I mean, we are dating and you’ve met my dad. Why can’t we just talk with her?”

“But we can’t say how we met. We have to make up something.”

“We met at a bar.”

“No, not that. How about the cliché of ordering the same coffee and reaching for it at the same time?”

“Because that is more believable.” Laura says, rolling her eyes.

“I don’t know then. Oh wait, we met at a museum. And me being the oracle of knowledge that I am, I couldn’t stop myself from talking about the history surround the exhibit.”

“Okay, what exhibit were we looking at then?”

“The dinosaurs, duh.” I chime, causing Laura to smile. “You got me talking about the prehistoric monsters and you couldn’t help but laugh at how much I was trying to obviously impress you.”

“Too bad that isn’t how it really happened.”

“I know. But I think the way we met was meant to be.” I smile, leaning in to kiss her. I sigh and take her hand in mine, interlocking our fingers. “Okay let’s go. Follow my lead.” I lead the way back towards the front of the house. “And that was the time I was caught running ass naked from the patio to the ocean. Mother didn’t believe that Will dared me to do it. And a Karnstein never backs down from a dare.”

“You did it on the fourth of July with all of the neighbors outside. I couldn’t face them for weeks.” Mother says, shaking her head with a small smile on her face.

“Well you can still thank Willy boy for that one.” I say as Laura and I sit down on the couch. “Do you want anything?”

“Water, if it isn’t trouble.”

“No problem.” I say, kissing her cheek before walking into the kitchen.

 

-Laura POV-

Once Carmilla was out of earshot, Lilita looked at me with a smile. “So, Laura, what do you do?”

“I’m a Psychologist in Manhattan.”

“Oh that’s nice, where did you go to school?”

“I went to a local SUNY school, graduated at the top of my class.”

“That’s good. Would you mind me asking how old you are? I don’t mean to be rude, but you seem to have accomplished a lot if you’re the same age as my daughter.”

“I don’t mind, I’m twenty-seven.”

“I see, and how did you meet Carmilla?”

“We met a the museum mother. One day I was bored and felt like going to the Natural History Museum, Laura was looking at the prehistoric exhibit, some giant turtle beast and I couldn’t help but strike up a conversation with her.”

“You went to a museum like that by yourself? At least if you went to the Met…”

“I didn’t feel like looking at art and I had to do an assignment for one of my classes.”

“And I was there with my little cousin, who was visiting with me.” I say.

“Oh, well it’s sweet either way.” Lilita says, pursing her lips.

“What’s the matter?” Carmilla sighs, throwing her hands up on the air.

“Nothing sweetheart.”

“Something has to be wrong, you always do that lip thing when something’s wrong so what is it?”

“I think you’re lying to me about how you met.” Carmilla sighs and looks over at me, almost like she was looking for me to give her an answer, all I could do was shrug.

“Laura _was_ my therapist.” Carmilla says quietly, not wanting to make eye contact with her mother.

“So you had an illegal affair with my daughter?”

“It wasn’t like that ma’am. You’re daughter here was very, very, _very_ persistent and wouldn’t stop. I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t developing feelings for her at that time, I was. But I knew I couldn’t act on it. As soon as those feelings came to be, I stopped seeing her as my patient and tried so hard to avoid her…”

“It turned out her friends live in the same building I do. So one thing led to another and here we are.”

“Here we are.” I say quietly.

“Here you are.” Lilita says, sitting back in her chair. “I don’t condone the way you met at all. But I think you handled it properly. Do you care for my daughter?”

“I care for her very much.”

“Then I think that’s all that matters.” Lilita smiles. “Now I don’t know what my daughter has told you about me or her life growing up, but I would like to let you know that it was a lie. Carmilla was raised very well and in a loving home, I was never as evil as she thinks I was. Just because we don’t agree on things and never got along to the full extent, does not mean I don’t like my child.” I look over at Carmilla to see her cheeks turn bright red, her gaze at the floor, refusing to look up at her mother or me. “I’ll leave you girls alone. It was nice to meet you Laura.” Lilita says, walking out of the room.

“Don’t.” Carmilla says once her mother is gone.

“Why did you put up a front like that? Why didn’t you tell the truth?”

“To make my life seem more exciting, more of a reason why I would need therapy.”

“I don’t understand your logic, there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to needing a little help.” I say, placing my hand on her knee. “Why come up with some story other than knowing you need help?”

“The only thing I made up was how my mother treated me, everything else is fairly true…”

“We’ll talk about this another time, okay? I don’t want to get caught up in something that’s going to just take away from the now.”

“Okay cupcake.” She smiles, leaning over to kiss me. “Would you like to go down to the beach?” She asks quietly as she rests her forehead against mine.

“I would like that.”

 

-Carmilla POV-

We walk down the beach hand in hand, enjoying the soft sound of the small waves crashing to shore and the seagulls as they fly overhead. I look down at my feet as I walk through the shoreline, allowing the cold water to wash over my feet. “If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?”

“My mother dying.” Laura says almost instantly. “What about you?”

“I think it would be my father leaving. I know that’s something I never really talked about but it’s something I would want to change instantly. Sometimes I wish I had the power or the tool to do that.”

“Like a time-turner?”

“Yeah, like a time-turner. But then I think about what my life would be like if I did that. You know, like the butterfly effect. What if I did that and my whole entire life was different than it is now? I may have never met you; I may not be living where I am today, or going to school. I know my mother would still be rich, but maybe my father would have influenced different things…”

“I understand what you mean. I feel that way about my mother, like yeah she’s only been gone for eleven months, but those months could have been so much different had she been around and healthy.”

“If only it was as easy to do it as it is to say it.” I say, bringing Laura’s hand to my lips, kissing the back of it.

“I know. But that’s life and I can’t change it. No one can.”

“Want to go into town? There’s this bakery you may like.”

“I’d like that.” She smiles, leaning in to kiss me softly.

“Let’s go before it gets too busy. It’s starting to get late.” We go into town and get some cookies to take back to Mr. Hollis. Laura wanted to walk around and window shop a bit, which I didn’t object to. We walked through the streets hand in hand, the crisp fall air starting to get chilly as the Sun began to set.

“Hey Carm?”

“Yes?”

“Can we come out here more often?”

“Whenever you want to cupcake. We can come every weekend if you want.”

“I like it out here, it’s peaceful. Even though there’s a lot of people, it’s still peaceful.”

“We can stay out here as much as you want to.” I say, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to kiss her.

“I think we should start heading back to my dad’s, I don’t want him worrying.”

“Whatever you want to do cupcake.”

* * *

“So, Carmilla, tell me a bit about yourself?” Mr. Hollis asks as he walks into the living room, placing a beer on the coffee table in front of me while Laura was still in the kitchen getting snacks ready for when we started watching a movie.

“I’m a student at NYU studying Philosophy.”

“How old are you again?”

“Twenty-two, sir.”

“Now, I feel like you are a bit too young for my daughter, but the way you treat her and look at her… I would be lying if I tried to object to what you two have.”

“I care about your daughter very much, sir. I will never hurt her, and if you need to hear that every single day, at least three times a day, I will tell you that. If it means I get to have your daughter for as long as possible.”

“You can call me Sherman.”

“Did my dad just say you can call him by his name?” Laura asks, walking into the room with a bowl of popcorn and a bag of cookies leftover from earlier.

“I did. Carmilla here has no reason not to.” He smiles.

“You didn’t even let Danny call you Sherman.”

“I never liked Danny. She was too… tall and annoying.”

“I hear you on that one Sherman.” I say, raising my drink to him.

“You never even met Danny long enough to form an opinion.” Laura says, sitting down beside me.

“But she just gave off that vibe.”

“I guess.” Laura shrugs, curling into my side; I kiss the top of her head as I wrap my arm around her shoulder. I see Sherman smile out of the corner of my eyes before he turns to the TV and begins watching the movie. 

* * *

“I was great meeting you Carmilla.” Sherman says as we ride to the train station.

“It was great meeting you too sir.”

“I want you girls to come visit again. Whenever you want to you can come visit.”

“We will dad, don’t worry.” Laura says as we get out of the car. “Have a good week daddy, I’ll call you tomorrow.” She says, kissing him on the cheek as she gives him a hug.

“You too sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you too.” She smiles.

“Take care of my daughter.”

“I promise.” I smile, as Laura takes my hand in hers.

“Be good you two, have a good week. I’ll talk to you soon. Both of you.” Sherman smiles as he gets back into the car. Laura and I get our tickets and go to wait on the proper platform.

“I think that was a success.” Laura smiles, kissing me on the cheek.

“I think it was too. I like your dad.”

“You like my dad?”

“Yeah, he’s a nice man, he worries about you to no end, but he does it in a way that makes it admirable.” I say with a small smile.

“You’re admirable.”

“I hope so.” I chime, laughing as Laura leans over to kiss me.

“I love you.” Laura says quietly. I stood there frozen, not knowing what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on adding more Lilita and Sherman, I'm just trying to map out how to do it in the right ways. Hopefully you're like the story so far :)


	11. Chapter 11

-Carmilla POV-

“What did you do the whole ride home?” Ell asks, handing me a drink.

“I just sat there.”

“So you made it awkward that she said she loves you? Isn’t that just great.” She says sarcastically.

“I don’t even know if she meant it or got caught up in the moment.”

“Okay, because you were fucking before she said it? You were standing on the platform to come home, it wasn’t a moment to get caught up in.”

“Maybe she got caught up in the weekend.”

“I doubt that.”

“I don’t know if I love her. I don’t know how to handle these types of things. I’ve only been officially dating her for a month…”

“But you did know her for nearly a year now. Those feelings could have been brewing for a while now, maybe that’s why she was pushy in the beginning.”

“I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t say it back and I don’t what to do. I don’t know how I will be able to say it back, if I can ever.”

“You’ll say it when it’s time and you’re ready to tell her.”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re not fucking incapable of saying it, you loved me all those years ago.”

“I still love you ass hole.”

“Okay, you had a stint of being in love with me, and I know you’re in love with her, you just haven’t been able to admit it yet.”

“Shut the fuck up Jiminy.” I say, throwing a pillow at her.

 

-Laura POV-

“Why did you tell her that?!” Laf shouts as I pace in front of them.

“I don’t know, I kissed her and it just fell out of my mouth without even thinking about it. The worst part is that we had to sit on the train for over an hour, we didn’t say a single word to each other.”

“Laura, please sit before you wear out the rug.” Perry says as she walks past us and into the kitchen. I sigh and throw myself into the armchair.

“Have you talked to her since?”

“No, I kissed her when we got to Penn and said I had an emergency thing to take care of. I’ve never been the first to say it, I don’t know what to do!”

“Calm down, you have to start there. It isn’t going to mess anything up.” Laf says.

“I really love her Laf… I don’t know how to handle it, but I really fucking love her.”

“Okay, I don’t know how to help you there, Laura you just have to talk to her.”

“I’ll talk to her soon, I just need to give this a day or so.”

“No, you can’t give it that long, you have to talk to her like today. Just call her, or better yet, go to her apartment.”

“I can’t just show up.”

“Yeah you can, you’re visiting us and needed to pop in to talk about things.”

“But, I just, fine. I’ll go knock on her door and see what happens.” I say, getting up and storming out into the hallway. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself before walking down the hall to Carmilla’s apartment. I knock on the door and am greeted by her friend Ell.

“You’re here for Carmilla?”

“Yeah, is she here?”

“She’s in her room, just go down the hallway the first door on the left.” Ell says, stepping aside for me to walk through. I walk through the apartment to Carmilla’s room and knock on the door before opening it.”

“I told you Ell, I have a – what are you doing here?” She asks when she turns in her desk chair to see me.

“I came to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There is something we have to talk about. If we don’t do it now, we won’t do it at all.” I say, sitting at the foot of her bed.

“You said you love me.” Carmilla says with a sigh.

“I did.”

“And what are you expecting?”

“How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know how I feel about it cupcake.”

“I don’t want you to feel pressured to say it, or bad if you don’t feel the same way. I just want you to know that it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way I do.”

“I don’t know how I feel. I like you very much Laura, that I’m sure about. But I don’t know if I can say I love you just yet. I don’t know if I’m at the point…”

“I’m not asking you to be at that point.”

“I still want to be with you, I don’t want that to change.” She says, getting up from the chair, walking over to stand between my legs and sighing as she runs her fingers through my hair. I place my hands on her waist and rest my forehead against her stomach. “What?”

“I just never thought I’d care about you this much.” I say quietly.

“I know cupcake. You’re allowed to care about me, just like I’m allowed to care about you.” She says, leaning down to kiss me.

“But being in love with someone, and having it be one-sided, that’s hard.”

“And lying to someone to make things seem normal is just as hard. Laura, I’m not going to say it just to make things seem okay, I will never say something like that just to keep things normal. To me that isn’t normal, it’s more of a lie than anything.”

“I know Carmilla, and I know when you’re feelings are ready they’ll catch up.” I watch as a small smile grows on her face while she stands there studying mine.

“You’re beautiful Laura.”

“As are you.” I smile.

“Want to do something tonight? Want to get dinner or go see a movie?”

“Want to just come back to mine and we can stay in? We’ll watch a movie on Netflix or something?”

“I’d like that.” Carmilla smiles leaning down to kiss me. “Maybe we can stop at that Italian place we like?” She asks as she pulls me up to my feet. “Get something to bring home?”

“Home?”

“Your place, I mean. Not home, we don’t share a home; it’s your home. Not my home.” She rambles, her cheeks turning red.

“I’m just teasing you, calm down.” I say, kissing her cheek. “You can call my place home if you want to, it doesn’t matter if you live there or not. It’s still a home. So we’ll stop and get some food before going _home_.”

“Sounds perfect, I just have to pack a bag.”

“Oh so you’re sleeping over?”

“You’re teasing me again.” She smiles, rolling her eyes before walking over to the closet.

“I just have to be out early tomorrow, and you don’t have classes…”

“I’ll leave when you leave. We can wake up together.”

“You’re going to wake up at seven?”

“Yeah, you have coffee at your place, if you didn’t then that would be a different story of course.” She smiles, going through her drawers and throwing things in her bag.

“So there, as long as my shelves are stocked with coffee, you will always spend the night. Is that how you kids function nowadays?”

“Did you really just pull the kid card? I mean, I know there’s five years between us, and to some that may seem like a lifetime, but I don’t think that gives way to you calling me a kid. Especially when you’re the one with the dietary habits of a child in this relationship.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“And you love it.” She smiles, kissing me on the cheek before taking me by the hand and leading the way out of the apartment. “I’ll be home tomorrow.” She calls out to Ell.

“Don’t keep her up too late, it’s a school night.” Ell teases.

“Shut the fuck up. I’ll be home in the morning.”

“Have fun!” Ell chimes as we walk out of the door.

“We just have to stop by Laf and Perry, I need to get my bag.”

“Can I wait here?”

“Yeah, I’ll be quick.” I say, kissing her softly. I walk into the apartment, nearly smacking Laf in the face with the door.

“What happened?”

“We’re going back to my place, she’s spending the night.” I say, getting my bag and jacket.

“Okay, and?”

“And she’s waiting in the hallway, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” I say, rushing out of the apartment.

“All ready?” Carmilla asks, reaching for my hand.

“Ready.” I smile, kissing her quickly before we walk down to the elevator.

 

-Carmilla POV-

“Hey cupcake?” I say with a mouthful of macaroni.

“What?” She looks up at me and I smile. Laura looks like a toddler when she eats spaghetti.

“I’m surprised you have any sauce in your mouth, it’s all over your face.” I laugh, wiping her face clean and kissing her quickly. “You’re a toddler.”

“Spaghetti is always my favorite.”

“You’re adorable.”

“Yeah, yeah. What were you going to say before?”

“I honestly forgot what I was going to say.”

“So, while you think of what it was, I’m going to go back to eating.” She says, before taking a big bite. I smile and lean to kiss her softly, catching her off guard. “What was that for?”

“Because you’re my girlfriend, do I need a reason?”

“No, you don’t need a reason.” She smiles, kissing me again. 

* * *

“Carm?” Laura says quietly, nudging me awake.

“What?” I mumble, wrapping my arms around her to pull her closer.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know how to help you.”

“Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know, anything.” She says, running her fingers through my hair, I sigh and open my eyes to see her smile shyly.

“Wanna here about the time I broke my arm?” I say, opening my eyes fully.

“Okay.”

“I was five, it was the week or so before I was going to start school. William and I were playing in this tree house that was at out grandparent’s house. I wanted it to my castle, I was the queen, and he was merely a court jester. So we were playing this game, her had to do whatever I want and make up jokes to make me laugh, the whole thing. So we were in the middle of doing something, I can’t remember what, all I remember was that I was too close to the entrance and Will pushed me out of the tree house and I fell about five feet. My granddad was yelling at Will, my nana was freaking out that I fell and they rushed me to the hospital. My mother came barreling through the emergency room like a woman on a mission, nearly killed Will for what he did. She was yelling at everyone that we were waiting too long, and then when the X-ray came back that my arm broke in two places, she really wanted to kill Will, so there I am, getting my arm wrapped up, Will is sobbing over the fact that he couldn’t play with his toy or something for a week, I was crying because of what they were doing to my arm, and then I was able to pick a color to wrap my cast in, and to my mother’s disappointment, I wanted it wrapped in black. So on my first day of school, I went wearing a black cast, and I looked like Wednesday Adams.” I explain with a laugh.

“You must have been a cute kid.”

“I mean, I’m gorgeous now, so you could only imagine.” I chime, receiving a playful shove from Laura; I couldn’t help but laugh before leaning in and kissing her softly. She sighs and I feel a small smile against my lips as she pushes me onto my back as she straddles me.

“You are gorgeous.” She whispers in my ear before kissing down my neck.

“My head can barely fit through the door as it is cupcake.”

“I know that, but there is no harm in making it slightly bigger.”

“Laura.” I cry out as she begins sucking on my pulse point. “Laura, Laura. I – fuck, I don’t want to do this yet.”

“Seriously?” She asks, pulling up to look at me with a confused look.

“I’m not ready to do this yet.”

“Why?”

“I – I can’t do this with you yet, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” She says, reaching over to turn on the light.

“I just can’t have sex with you.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t. I’m sorry. I’m not ready to.”

“You’re hiding something, I can tell.” She says, sitting up. “You’re all talk aren’t you?” I sigh, and look down. “Are you a virgin Carmilla?” I look up at her to see her soft golden eyes staring at me. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t want you to feel ashamed.”

“I’m not a virgin, you can ask Ell.”

“You had sex with Ell?”

“I thought I told you that, it happened a long time ago, but that isn’t why I can’t sleep with you, I just I’m not ready. I don’t want to have sex with you just because. I like you so much Laura, so fucking much that it scares me. I don’t want our first time to be just cause we got caught up in a moment, I want it to be special.” I explain, brushing the hair away from her face.

“Okay.” She whispers with a nod, she kisses me one last time before turning of the light and getting off of me to lie on her side. I turn and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her close.

“I’m sorry cupcake.” I whisper, kissing the back of her neck.

“It’s okay. I promise.” She says, intertwining out fingers.


	12. Chapter 12

-Carmilla POV-

“I love her.” I admit out loud for the first time to Ell as she spots me while I bench-press what feels like a thousand pounds.

“You finally admitted it!” She shouts, causing some people to look over as she placed the bar in its holder. “It took you lifting sixty pounds to do that.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know, I mean, we’ve been together for three months now, I feel like she’s waiting around for me to tell her, we haven’t even slept together yet.”

“You haven’t gotten into that pencil skirt yet?”

“Nope. I haven’t wanted to yet…”

“You haven’t wanted to yet? Is your heart still beating? You’ve been with her for three months and haven’t done _anything_?”

“I want it to be special.” I say, walking over to the treadmill.

“You want it to be _special_? You never want things to be special, you fuck, Carmilla. What do you want to make love?” Ell mocks.

“I don’t want to screw up this time. I care about her so much. I don’t want sex to get in the way of how I feel. I know how I am, I know how I can be and I don’t want to be that way with Laura.”

“Would you like me to pull the arrow out of your ass now or do you want to sit on it some more?”

“Fuck you. I just know that I want to be with her the right way.”

“You said that about that one girl, oh god who was it again? Cindy?”

“Sydney.”

“Sydney! That’s it, that’s who you wanted the same thing with until she decided she wanted to fuck you and dump you.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me.”

“Do you think Laura will be the same way?”

“No, I don’t think she will be that way, I mean I don’t think she would be.”

“Only time will tell.” She says, fiddling with the buttons on the treadmill. I start running and look up to see Laura walking towards me with a smile.

“Hey you.” She says causing me to stop running and lean over to kiss her.

“Hey, are you going to your yoga class?”

“Yeah, but I saw you and couldn’t help but come say hey.”

“Well I wouldn’t want you not saying hey.”

“You two are gross.”

“Hello Ell.” Laura chimes. “I have to go, are you going to be here when I get done?”

“How long is the class?”

“Like an hour.”

“I’ll be done before then cupcake, come by when you’re finished. This one actually has a life tonight and won’t be home.” I tease Ell.

“I’d like that.” She smiles, leaning in to kiss me again. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later. Enjoy your class.” I chime, kissing her one last time before she walks back over to where her class was being held. “What?” I say to Ell as I start running again.

“I’m happy I’ll be out of the house for the weekend.” She says, raising her hands in mock surrender.

“I doubt anything will happen.”

“Whatever you say.” 

* * *

I walking around the kitchen when I hear knocking at the door, I walk over and open the door to see Laura standing in front of me looking relaxed as ever. “If you come from yoga glowing like that, maybe I should try it.” I smile, kissing her quickly before stepping aside to let her in.

“You’re always glowing when you see me.” She chimes, tossing her bag on the couch. “Can I shower? Today was hot yoga and I’m all sweaty.”

“No problem. Go shower.”

“My clothes are still in the bottom drawer?”

“Of course.” I smile.

“Okay.”

“I’ll make you some cocoa for when you’re done.”

“Well aren’t you just the sweetest girlfriend ever.” She chimes, kissing me before making her way to the bathroom. “Uh, Carm?” Laura calls out from the bathroom.

“Yeah cupcake?”

“I forgot a towel. And there isn’t one in here.”

“Oh, hang on.” I say, walking over to the closet and grabbing a towel, I walk over to the bathroom and knock lightly on the door. “Cupcake.” I say quietly as the door swings open revealing a very naked Laura through the steam of the shower. “Uhm.” I say, feeling as if my eyes were going to burst out of my head.

“Cat got your tongue _cutie_?”

“You’re sexy cupcake.” I say quietly, watching her wrap herself in the towel. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her before kissing her hard.

“What happened to waiting?”

“It’s been long enough, fuck waiting.” I say, picking her up. Laura wraps her legs around my waist as I walk out of the bathroom and to my room, not breaking the kiss. I lay her down on the bed, breaking the kiss to look down at her and smile.

“What?” She asks, reaching up and tucking my hair behind my ear. I let out a sigh and lean down to kiss her softly.

“I’m scared.” I whisper, resting my forehead against hers.

“Of what?”

“Everything.”

“Elaborate?” She whispers, holding my head in her hands.

“I’m scared of loving you.”

“You’re making it seem easy.”

“It is easy to love you, but it’s scary giving myself to someone.”

“I don’t want you to be scared. This is something good. There is nothing to be scared of.” She says, leaning up to kiss me. “Say it.” She whispers against my lips.

“I love you.” I say softly. The words fly around us for a moment, both of us savoring them.

“I love you too.” She chimes, kissing me hard and pushing me onto my back and straddling me. She places her hand over my chest and smiles. “You’re nervous.”

“I’m excited. Just for the record my heart has been pounding like that since I walked in on you in the bathroom, all wet and post shower.” I say, running my hands over her thighs. “I knew you were fit, bit I didn’t know you were ripped.”

“Well… let’s see what you’re hiding under this shirt.” She says, pulling the shirt over my head and tossing it aside. “You’re pretty ripped too.” She chimes, running her nails down my torso. We stare at each other for a moment. Getting lost in each other’s eyes for the first time in a while. “I love you Carmilla.”

“I love you Laura.”

* * *

I wake up to the familiar scent that could only be labeled as Laura. I open my eyes to see her honey hair, and her head resting against my naked chest. I start playing with her hair, trying not to wake her up. “You always fail at your attempt to be gentle.” Laura mumbles, resting her chin on my chest with a smile.

“Or we just manage to wake up at the same time.” I chime, leaning down to kiss her. “How did you sleep?”

“Well, thank you. I’m hungry though.”

“What do you want? We can order out, or I can cook something.”

“Really cook?”

“I make a mean grilled cheese, which I feel is good for post sex at nine-thirty at night.” I smile when Laura rolls her eyes.

“As juvenile as it is, that sounds so good right now.”

“My grilled cheese sandwiches aren’t juvenile. Grilled cheese can be fancy.”

“Okay, but I doubt you eat fancy grilled cheese.”

“I don’t.” I smile, causing Laura to giggle. “It’s all white bread and America cheese.” I kiss Laura before getting out of bed and putting on my red silk robe, and tossing Laura my black one. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

 

-Laura POV-

I put on the robe Carmilla gave me after lying in her bed a bit longer. I walk into the kitchen to see her dancing in front of the stove. I couldn’t help myself from laughing, causing her to jump. “Christ cupcake, you scared me.”

“Sorry.” I say, walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist from behind and kissing the back of her neck. I walk over to the small island in the middle of the kitchen and jump up to sit on it, swinging my legs as Carmilla finishes up with our sandwiches.

“Here you go.” She smiles, holding a plate up to me, offering me a piece. I take a bite as she watches me intently. “Is it good?”

“It’s a grilled cheese.” I tease, leaning in to kiss her. “It’s good babe, don’t worry. Hopefully you can work up to a real meal.”

“I can’t throw all of my secrets at you just yet.” I smile when she leans into kiss me softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I say quietly, feeling butterflies in my stomach, something that hasn’t happened to me since high school.

“You’re staying the night right?”

“Unless you’re kicking me out.”

“Never.” She says, shaking her head with a smile. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Whatever you’re doing.”

“My mother wants me to join her and my brother and sister for lunch up in Westchester. She was wondering if you’d want to come with me.”

“I’d like that.” I smile, playing with the piece of sandwich in my hand.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t have a problem with your mother, the couple of times I’ve met her she is a nice lady, I would love to join you all for lunch.”

“Wonderful cupcake.” Carmilla says, kissing me quickly before picking me up off of the counter and throwing me over her shoulder.

“What are you doing?” I say, hitting her butt playfully.

“I’ve been reenergized, we’re going back to bed.”

“Oh the feeling of being young again.”

“You make it seem like you’re fifty.”

“Danny and I never had sex a lot, I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself this much.” I say as she tosses me onto her bed.

“Well buckle up creampuff, we’re going to have so much fun, you’ll do nothing but enjoy yourself.” She says with a naughty smile before kissing me hard.

* * *

“Why are you so fidgety?” I ask as we wait for her brother to pick us up from the train station.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be.” She says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “It’s just cold.”

“Well your bother will be here soon.” I say, wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her close.

“Come you loser!” Will calls out as he pulls up beside us. Carmilla sighs and walks over to the car, opening the back door for me to get in before her.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome cupcake.” She smiles, kissing me on the cheek.

“Do I get a kiss too?” Will teases.

“Fuck you.”

“Awe, I missed you too sis. So how is everyone?”

“Good. Thanks Will.” I say, feeling Carmilla take my hand in hers.

“Yeah, good.” Carmilla says, resting her head on my shoulder.

“Are you keeping Kitty in order?”

“Of course I am.” I chime, patting her knee.

“Is Mattie going to be here?” Carmilla asks quietly.

“She said she would be, but who knows with her.”

“Well I’d like her to meet Laura.”

“It’s okay Carm.”

“No, it isn’t, everyone else has met you except for Mattie.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Because it matters! It isn’t fair to my girlfriend.”

“Babe, calm down.” I say, putting my hand on her cheek and turning her face to look at me. “Don’t get upset if your sister isn’t there.”

“She hasn’t met you yet.” Carmilla whines.

“I don’t mind that she hasn’t met me yet, that’s her loss, not mine.” I smile, watching Carmilla’s eyes light up a bit. “I don’t want you getting upset over something silly like that.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She says softly, resting her forehead against mine. “I love you.” She whispers before kissing me.

“I love you too sweetie.”

“And I’d _love_ to not leave a pile of throw up in the middle of mother’s driveway.” Will chimes, getting out of the car.

“Let’s go.” She says, kissing me before pulling me out of the car and into the house.

 

-Carmilla POV-

I lead Laura into the house, holding her hand tightly making sure to not let go. I kiss her quickly before we walk through the door.

“Hello sweetheart!” My mom calls out when she sees me. “Hello Laura, how are you.”

“Very well Lilita, thank you.” Laura smiles as my mother gives her a hug. My mother never let anyone call her by her first name, not even employees and coworkers that she knew for decades, for her to allow Laura to call her by her first name was something that always made me feel a little warmer inside.

“Are you keeping Mrs. Grumpy happy?”

“I wouldn’t be doing my job right if I wasn’t.” Laura chimes, placing her hand on my chest and smiling at me. I smile and lean down to kiss her softly.

“So this is the little moppet that has been keeping my sister happier than words can explain?” Mattie says from the entryway of the living room. I look up to see a small smile on her face, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Mattie, this is Laura. Laura, this is my sister Mattie.”

“Nice to meet you Mattie.” Laura says with a smile, shaking Mattie hand.

“Likewise, I apologize that we couldn’t meet sooner, I tend to be quite busy.”

“It’s no problem at all, I can be quite busy sometimes too.”

“What is it you do?”

“I’m a therapist, but I allow my patients to call me when needed so I never know when I’m going to get a call.”

“She gets calls in the middle of the night, I hate it.” I complain, watching Laura roll her eyes.

“Regardless, I like helping people so. What is it you do?”

“That’s good. I work for my mother at our California building. I’m the company VP.”

“Impressive.” Laura says with a nod.

“Yeah, it takes a lot of time, today was the first chance I had to breathe in a while, but it isn’t for long, I have to fly our of here in a few hours to make my dinner meeting.” Mattie chimes as she phone begins to ring. “Excuse me.”

“She’s a handful.” Laura says.

“You have no idea, would you like a drink?” I ask, leading her into the dining room where my mother kept the liquor.

“I’m okay Carm, thanks.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, you can have something if you want to.”

“Okay cupcake.” I smile, and pour myself a Jack and coke. “When do we get to go home?” I whisper in Laura’s ear.

“That’s something I should be asking you.”

“I hate sharing you sometimes.” I say quietly, resting my forehead against the side of her head.

“I know you do baby. We just have to get through this and then we’ll be back at my apartment before you know it.”

“Can you fake an important call or something so we can get to doing that faster?”

“I don’t want to do that to your mother.” Laura says, shaking her head.

“Girls? Is everything okay?”

“Yes mother, everything is okay, I was just getting myself something to drink, would you like anything?”

“No thank you sweetie. I was looking for you because I wanted to know what you girls were doing for Christmas. Well at least what Laura was doing?”

“I’m not sure yet Lilita, I usually go see my father on Christmas Day, I spend time with my friends on Christmas Eve.”

“You and your father are more than welcome to join us here for Christmas. I’m sure Carmilla would like that very much.” Mother says, looking at me with a smile.

“I’ll have to talk to my dad and let you know. I don’t think he would mind.”

“Well let me know as soon as you can.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Laura smiles as my mother walks out of the room. “What?”

“We’re celebrating Christmas together?”

“Why wouldn’t we? We celebrated Thanksgiving together.”

“You and I went to the parade to avoid going to dinner at your dad’s because he always burns the turkey.”

“That was still a holiday spent together.” She says, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“I guess so, but you’re going to spend it with my family. I have cousins and stuff.”

“So do I, except in my house, we have family Christmas the day after. Which I want you to come to.”

“We still have two weeks to talk about all of this. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, I just want to get over this lunch and get back home and in bed.”

“Your bed or mine?”

“Mine. With you and preferably naked.” I say, kissing her softly.

“I want that too sweetie. Let’s go show our faces and move this afternoon along.”


	13. Chapter 13

-Carmilla POV-

I tip toe my way into the bedroom where Laura is still fast asleep. I smile slightly and walk over to her side of the bed, crouching down and brushing the hair from her face. “Wake up cupcake.” I say softly, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

“Carm, come back to bed.” She mumbles sleepily.

“We can’t go back to sleep.”

“Why?” She pouts.

“We have things to do today.”

“Like what?”

“Each other.” I tease, kissing her softly.

“We did that all night.” She smiles, opening her eyes.

“We can do it whenever we want.”

“I know. But what are we really doing?”

“We’re going to go shopping.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, Christmas is around the corner, we have things to get.”

“You’re taking me shopping?” Laura asks, sitting up in bed.

“I am. I want to get you something nice; I want to get your dad something. Maybe even get your family some stuff? I don’t know how generous I want to be just yet.” I chuckle, watching Laura’s smile grow.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to do it cupcake.”

“You’re very sweet.”

“And you’re letting the day go by.” I say, kissing her quickly. “Let’s go, I have a day planned.”

“Oh you have more than just shopping planned?”

“Of course I do.” I chime, walking out of the room.

* * *

“Okay, so what is first on the agenda?” Laura asks as we reach the top of the steps out of the subway.

“Well, we’re going to have some fun first, and then we’re going to shop a bit.”

“What is the fun part?”

“Ice skating in Bryant Park.”

“Really?”

“Why would I make that up?”

“I’m not saying you are, it’s just, I was promised a lot and was never taken.”

“Hey.” I stop, pulling her aside to we aren’t causing traffic on the sidewalk. “I don’t want you feeling doubtful when it comes to things. I’m not like Danny and I think we’ve been together long enough for you to realize that and to stop thinking I’m full on empty promises like she was. I’m not like her and I want you to see that.”

“I’m sorry, it was just that I was with her for so long…”

“Well get out of that thought process cupcake. I’m a different person, I care about you so much I don’t want to hurt you.” I say, leaning in to kiss her.

“I love you.” She whispers against my lips before kissing me again.

“I love you too, now let’s go.” I smile, tugging her down the street. We get to Bryant Park and get our skates, Laura holds onto my as tight as she can as we get onto the ice. “Have you ever done this before?”

“A few times, but it’s been a while.” She smiles, I face her to skate backwards while holding both of her hands. “Are you trying to show off?”

“Maybe.” I chime, pulling her closer to me.

“Whatever you do, don’t let me fall.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“I swear Carmilla, if I fall I will not sleep with you for a very long time.”

“Like sleep with me as in sex, or sleep with me as in sleeping over?”

“Both.”

“I will protect your balance with my life.” I say, bowing playfully. “Milady.”

“You’re an ass.” She smiles, kissing me quickly.

“And you love me.”

“That I do.” She chimes, kissing me again.

“Hello Laura.” Someone says from beside us, Laura breaks the kiss to see who it was.

“Hi Danny.” She says timidly, taking my hand in hers.

“How are you?”

“I’m doing well. How are you?”

“Hanging in there. Who’s this?”

“This is Carmilla, Carmilla this is Danny.”

“Nice to meet you, officially.” I say, holding my free hand out for Danny to shake.

“Oh, you’re the patient that broke us up.” Danny says, looking at my hand and grimacing.

“Carmilla didn’t do anything, we were already doomed.”

“No we really weren’t.”

“But we were, look I don’t want to talk about this, it was nice seeing you. Maybe you should go; I don’t really care. I just want you to leave me alone right now.”

“How is she treating you, seeing as she’s still a toddler?”

“Don’t talk about her like that, she’s not only a good person, but she’s standing right here.”

“Just because I’m drastically younger than you, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to make her happy. I mean, the altitude at which you stand may be causing your brain to lose oxygen in order to comprehend things. But the last time I checked Laura was a grown up and able to make her own choices, no matter what the circumstances may seem, if Laura left you, you can’t blame that on me no matter how hard you try to.”

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re still nothing more than the little brat that broke up a five year relationship.”

“I’m not going to have you talk to her like that, Danny, I don’t know why you can’t get it through your head that our relationship was not going any further than where we were at that moment. There is no reason why you should be blaming Carmilla, I don’t want you to blame her, she did nothing wrong.”

“She did everything wrong.”

“No she didn’t!” Laura screams, causing people to look.

“Look, I don’t want to be rude, but you’re upsetting my girlfriend.”

“Whatever.” Danny scoffs as she skates over and walks out of the rink. I look up to see people still staring at the scene. I look to see Laura on the verge of tears. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight.

“Show’s over folks, go back to not falling on your asses.” I announce, guiding Laura off to the side. “Cupcake.”

“Don’t let me go.” She mumbles against my chest when I start to pull away she holds me tighter.

“I won’t I promise.” I say, kissing the top of her head. Laura looks up at me with a sad smile. “Do you still want to go shopping?"

“I want to go home, if that’s okay.”

“It’s okay cupcake, I promise.”

“You don’t even have to stay with me if you don’t want to. I won’t make you.”

“Let’s just get you home first, okay?”

“Okay.” She nods. 

* * *

“Really Carmilla, you don’t have to stay with me.”

“I just have to run to the store quick and then I’ll be right back, I want to be here with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Say it again and I’ll stay here and not even go to the store.” I say as we reach her apartment door. She sighs and looks at me with a smirk.

“Fine. Go and come back. I’m going to take a bath. Here’s the key.”

“Okay creampuff.” I say, kissing her on her cheek. “I love you. I’ll be right back.”

“I love you too.”

 

-Laura POV-

“Be right back.” She had said before she left, and yet she’s been gone nearly an hour. I took a bath and calmed down at bit after the incident with Danny. I soaked for about a half hour before I started to worry about Carmilla’s whereabouts. I texted her and she told me not to worry, but I can’t just not worry it doesn’t work that way. I’m pacing in the kitchen in nothing more than one of Carmilla’s robes I managed to steal from her.

“Is that mine?” Carmilla chimes as she walks in the door and sees me standing in the kitchen. “I was wondering where it went.” She says, placing a few bags and a box on the table.

“Where were you?” I ask, walking over and wrapping her up in a hug.

“I was getting a few things. I told you not to worry.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” I sigh, placing my hands on her cheeks.

“Are you okay cupcake?”

“I just missed you.”

“Well now I’m here.” She smiles, leaning in to kiss me. “And I have treats.” I pull her in for another kiss before letting her go through the bags. “This is just for you.” She smiles, handing me the small box.

“It looks fancy.”

“Just open it.” She smiles, taking things out of the bags.

“Did you really get me creampuffs?”

“Now I don’t believe in cannibalism, that’s why I didn’t commit to getting you cupcakes.” She teases.

“But you do call me creampuff.”

“But I call you cupcake more.” She says, kissing the side of my head as she walked past to put a couple of bottles in the fridge and one in the freezer.

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you cupcake.”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go shopping.”

“It’s okay, we can go this weekend.”

“I’d like that.”

“I would too.” Carmilla smiles as she leans in to kiss me softly. “Want to watch a movie?”

“What did you have in mind?” I say, taking a bite if a creampuff.

“How about a home movie?” She asks, pulling a disc from one of the bags. “I mean, we don’t have to watch it, but when I ran back to my apartment to get something, this kinda jumped out at me, literally, and I thought it would be a good idea to share a little bit about my life with you.”

“That’s fine baby, then maybe I’ll show you one of mine.” I say watching her eyes light up a bit.

“Ready to see how fucking adorable I was?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I smile, kissing Carmilla before skipping over to the couch. After a few moments she walks in with a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. “Are you going to make this fun?”

“Maybe.” She chimes, setting up the movie.

“Every time I hit Will, we take a shot. Every time I get embarrassed for whatever reason, I take a shot. Every time you coo at something, you take a shot. And any time in the beginning, where I pronounce my own name wrong.”

“Seeing as you set these rules, either one, or both of us are getting rather wasted aren’t we?”

“We shall see.” She chimes, pushing play and pouring our shots.

* * *

“You were so cute.” I whisper, slurring my words a bit. “I can’t believe you didn’t call yourself Carmilla. You wanted to be Kitty.”

“Cause I couldn’t say it.” She whispers, looking at me with a lazy smile. “You’re beautiful.”

“So are you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I smile, leaning in to kiss her. “You have your father’s eyes. Based on the movie, he looked like he had a mysterious side.”

“He did.” She hiccups. “I don’t want to talk about him. We nearly finished off this bottle, can we go to bed?”

“I’ll get you some water.” I say, kissing her cheek and getting up slowly, stumbling to the kitchen. I get us each a bottle of water and walk back over to her. She seems to have visibly shut down. “Are you okay?” I ask, placing my hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m alright cupcake, I just want to get this alcohol out of my system.” She says, taking the water from me a chugging it.

“It’s okay Carm, do you want to eat something?”

“No, I just want water.” She whispers, resting her head in my stomach. I run my fingers through her hair softly. I lean down and kiss the top of her head. “I love you cupcake.”

“I love you Carm, you know that.”

“Do you ever wish you were still with Danny?”

“No I don’t. Danny and I were starting to not be happy anymore, there was something about her that wasn’t keeping me happy. There was no spark or anything like that. We were bound to break up sooner or later. Or we would have been stuck in a dead end marriage or something. We weren’t going to be happy anymore.” I say, running my fingers through her hair. “Don’t feel as if us breaking up was your fault.” I say, tilting her head up to see tears in her eyes. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.” She says with a sad chuckle. “I don’t know how to handle any of this.”

“You’re doing a good job though.”

“For someone who has no clue?”

“Yes, you are doing a wonderful job Carmilla, you’re one of the best girlfriends I’ve ever had. No matter what anyone says, or whatever the circumstances were on how we met, you are the best person for me and I love you no matter what.” I lean down and kiss her tenderly. “I was nearly willing to lose my practice for you. I’d have done anything to be with you.”

“And now that you are?”

“I will stop at nothing to keep being with you.”

“I’m not the best person in the world Laura.”

“Nor am I. We’re shitty people, but what makes it okay is that we can admit that we are in fact shitty. We don’t let that get in the way of the fact that we love each other more than words can explain.”

“We’re shitty people in love.”

“That we are.” I chime, leaning in to kiss her.


	14. Chapter 14

-Carmilla POV-

“Go away Carmilla!” Laura shouts as she walks into her apartment, nearly slamming the door in my face.

“No we need to talk about this.”

“No! Get out of my apartment!”

“I’m not leaving cupcake!” I say as she slams the bathroom door in my face.

“I can’t believe you!”

“What can’t you believe?”

“You were flirting with the waitress in front of me, like, blatantly doing it!”

“No I wasn’t.”

“She gave you her number.”

“That happens all the time.” I say, wincing as the words leave my mouth. The bathroom door flies open, Laura looks furious, but as threatening as a mad toddler. I chuckle.

“Is this funny?”

“No, it’s not funny. The situation isn’t funny at all, you though, your mad face is adorable.” I say with a smile, creating more of an issue for myself when Laura starts to shove me, pushing against my abdomen. “What the hell?”

“Where are the phone numbers?”

“In the garbage cans up and down the block.” I say as I start rubbing my stomach and taking a step back from her. “Wait, do you think that little of me that I would keep them?”

“Well I can’t really know with you.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t know what you’d do.”

“What the fuck, you don’t trust me?” I ask, staring at her. She looks away from me and walks towards the front of the apartment. “Holy shit, you liar. You don’t trust me!”

“I’m the liar?”

“Yeah, you are. You said you trusted me! You think that some harmless flirting would really create a wedge between us?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” She shrugs.

“I can’t even believe you right now.” I say, throwing my hands up in the air. We stare at each other for a moment, tension falling between us. “I didn’t take her number. You’re freaking out over nothing.” Laura sighs and looks down at her feet. “You’re keeping something from me.” I say, taking a step towards her only for Laura to take one back. “You’re blowing this up because you’re hiding something.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me.”

“I’m not playing this game Carmilla. Please.”

“No Laura, I don’t want to leave until you tell me.”

“I’m not telling you anything. If you’re not going to leave then I’m going to bed and you can either leave or sleep on the fucking couch.” She says, walking over to her bedroom and slamming the door, causing the pictures on the walls to rattle. I sigh and walk over and sit down on the couch. 

* * *

“Wake up.” I hear Laura say as she shoves me. I open my eyes and look up to see that she has obviously been crying, her face was red and her eyes puffy. Her apartment is dark; it must be the middle of the night.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I’ll go.”

“No, it’s late, I don’t want you walking home at this time of night, and I just thought you’d be uncomfortable sleeping on the couch all night and I thought you’d want to change.” She says, holding up a pair of basketball shorts. “I want you in my bed.”

“That could be taken a little more suggestively than you intended it to be.”

“I don’t want to sleep alone, and I want to talk.”

“Babe, it’s like two in the morning, can we talk when the sun is up?”

“No we will talk now.”

“Okay, okay.” I say, getting up from the couch and changing into the shorts before meeting Laura in her room. We climb into bed, not getting too comfortable to avoid falling back to sleep. “So what’s bothering you?” I ask, turning to lie on my side.

“Something came up.” She whispers, playing with the loose threads on the hem of her shirt.

“Cupcake, please just tell me. I won’t get mad. You’re scaring me.”

“I don’t mean to scare you…”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know if this is going to work out anymore.” She whispers.

“Excuse me?”

“This, us. It’s not going to work out.”

“Why not? Is it really because some slut gave me her number? Is that why? It’s not like I did anything with it.”

“It’s too much Carmilla. I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s not. You’re lying.” I say, shaking my head. “There’s no reason for you to say these things.”

“I can’t do this anymore.” She says, looking up at me with tears in her eyes.

“Why not?” I cry out, getting out of bed.

“I just can’t. I don’t feel like I need to explain myself.”

“But you do! We haven’t had a single fight until now; I try my hardest to keep you happy. There is no substantial reason to break up. 

“I don’t feel it anymore.”

“You don’t _feel_ it anymore? That sounds like something that should be coming out of my mouth!”

“Well it came out of mine.”

“I can’t believe you!" 

* * *

“Carmilla, come on.” Ell says, standing in the doorway of my bedroom.

“Fuck you.”

“You haven’t gotten out of bed in days. Please.”

“Fuck. You.”

“I know you’re upset. But you’re Carmilla Karnstein. You can flirt the pants off of girls, literally. Are you going to let some over excited therapist really drag you down?”

“I love her Ell. I love her and there is no way that will change. I can’t stop thinking about that single fact. I let her into my life, I gave her every ounce of love I had to offer, only to have Laura snatch it all away from me and make a fool out of me.”

“She didn’t snatch anything, you’re melodramatic.”

“Well it feels like she didn’t take into consideration how fragile my feelings are, and to me that isn’t fair.”

“Just give it some time and see what happens. Talk to her in a couple of days or so.”

“Fuck off.” I say, pulling the covers over my head.

“I know you Carmilla, you won’t be able to resist talking to her.”

* * *

“Hey, can I get a large black coffee please.” I say to the barista.

“Anything else?” She smiles, putting the marker back in her apron pocket.

“That’s it.” I say with a small smile and paying for the coffee. I walk over to put sugar in it when I hear a familiar giggle. I turn to see Laura sitting at a small table with Laf. It’s a struggle to not walk over to her. It’s a struggle to not talk to her. It’s a battle that I’m losing rather quickly. After fixing my coffee I walk over to her and clear my throat to get her attention. “Hey, cup– I mean Laura.”

“Oh, hey Carmilla.”

“How are you?”

“I’m alright.”

“I’ll give you a minute.” Laf says, getting up from the table, not listening to Laura’s pleas fro them to stay.

“So.” Laura says quietly, playing with her coffee lip.

“So.” I say, sitting down where Laf was sitting. “Are you going to your dad’s for Christmas?”

“Yeah. I’m going there tomorrow and just staying for the weekend.” She says, avoiding eye contact with me.

“Laura, whatever I did. I’m sorry. I don’t really know what I’m apologizing for, I just feel like you breaking up with me is somewhat my fault.

“It’s not you Carmilla. You’re perfect. It’s honestly me, I don’t know. I just need time to breathe. From the moment I met you, my brain hasn’t had a chance to stop and think for a moment.”

“Isn’t that what love makes you do? It makes it hard for you to think and comprehend things?”

“I just need a break Carmilla. I need some time to think.”

“What’s that going to do? How is that going to help?”

“It will, I know it will. I promise, when I’m ready I will call you.” She says, getting up from the table and kissing me on the cheek. 

* * *

I’m jolted away by a loud knock at my door; I look over to see a nameless face in my bed. “Fuck.” I sigh, getting out of bed, putting on a T-shirt and a pair of pants. I walk over and open the door. “Yeah.”

“Tell the bimbo to leave.” Laura says, standing at my bedroom door.

“Who let you in?”

“Ell was conveniently leaving when I was about to knock”

“There’s no one in my bed.”

“You’re kidding right? We need to talk Carmilla.”

“You finally decided to come around about two months?”

“Yeah, I did. Not I hey seniority over the whore so…”

“Hey sweetheart.” I say, walking over to the girl.

“Yeah?” She smiles.

“Get your shit and get the fuck out.” I chime, kissing her on the cheek and walking out of the room and into the bathroom.

“How many?”

“I’m back to beating William again.” I chime as I wash my face.

“Are you proud of that?”

“I get bragging rights.” I shrug. “What are you doing here? And don’t say it’s because you’ve missed me. It’s been nothing but radio silence from you for two fucking months.”

“I was offered a position at a school as a councilor.”

“Congratulations.”

“It’s in my old high school back home.”

“So you’re moving back in with daddy?”

“For now.” She sighs. “I just wanted to tell you.”

“I’m happy for you cupcake.” I say, watching the nameless woman walk past the bathroom towards the door.

“I miss you, too.” She mumbles. “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you Laura. I miss you every minute. But I don’t know what to do about it.”

“I know what I did was stupid and uncalled for.”

“Extremely, my mother hates you now by the way. I told her what happened and if she finds out I’m talking to you, I’ll be disowned. She doesn’t like it when her kids get hurt.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you Carm.”

“Yeah well.” We look in each other’s eyes, getting lost. I missed the feeling of getting lost in her eyes. “You can apologize all you want, it won’t make it better.” I say quietly.

“I want to earn your trust back.”

“Well you’re moving, so that’ll probably take longer than you want it to.”

“Are you going to resent that now?”

“No, I resent you enough as it is at the moment.”

“I’m sorry Carmilla.”

“I don’t think that’s really going to be enough Laura.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, but it helps me from feeling like I'm dragging a chapter. Season 3 finale has ruined me, but as bittersweet as it is that the series ended, we still have the movie to look forward to :)

-Laura POV-

It’s been over two years since I’ve last been to the city, since I’ve last spoken to Carmilla. Thankfully Laf and Perry understood that I didn’t want to run into her and therefor they would come and visit me at my dad’s house. So today was the first day I was back, visiting Laf and Perry, seeing as Perry was on bed rest due to being eight months pregnant. I’m walking down the familiar hallway when a toddler comes barreling past me giggling. I turn to see Carmilla chasing after the little boy with a smile on her face.

“Get back here you monster.”

“No.” The little boy giggles, stopping in front of the apartment door. She catches up to him and scoops him up in her arms. She turns and catches my staring at her.

“Hey.” She says quietly, readjusting the boy on her hip. “How are you?”

“I’m doing good. I see you’ve been busy.”

“Oh, he isn’t mine. Well he’s not my kid, Will got some girl pregnant and this was the result. Isn’t that right squirt?”

“Yeah!” The little boy shouts with a smile.

“Can you tell the nice lady your name?”

“Ma!”

“That’s toddler for Micah.” Carmilla smiles. “So what are you doing here?”

“I came to visit Perry, she’s going to have a baby soon.”

“Oh yeah, I saw her yesterday getting the mail.”

“Oh.” I say, a slight awkwardness falling between us. “I’m probably going to stay the night here, if I do, would you like to get coffee tomorrow?”

“This little guy will be joining us, if that’s no problem.”

“Not at all.” I smile.

“Then want to do breakfast? His mom likes when I give him back with a full belly.”

“No problem. I’ll call you tonight and let you know.”

“Sure.” She smiles before going into her apartment. “Say bye-bye Micah.”

“Bye-bye.” Micah waves. 

* * *

I’m sat in the familiar diner from all those months ago. One Carmilla and I would meet at often for lunch or a late dinner, never breakfast, and especially never before noon. I look up to see Carmilla walking in with Micah on her hip. She looks around and sees me; she smiles before asking the waiter to bring over a highchair. “Hey.” She chimes.

“Hey.” I smile.

“Hi!” Micah chimes, waving his toy at me with a smile. Once the waiter brings over the highchair, Carmilla puts Micah at the head of the table and puts a few toys in front of him.

“He’s usually very well behaved, we’ll see what happens today.”

“How have you been?” I ask, taking a sip if my coffee.

“Aside from babysitting this goober since he was born, I’m doing well. How about you? How’s the new job?”

“It’s good. I enjoy it but I miss being in the city.”

“You could always get the same kind of job out here.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Do you miss me?” She asks, cocking her head to the side. Her voice was steady.

“Like someone cut a hole in me.” I whisper, looking up at her. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you didn’t really get another job. I figured you really just wanted time to yourself. I didn’t think you’d need two years.”

“How did you know?”

“Laf.” She says with a shrug.

“Ah. I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is cupcake, it’s past history.” She says, playing with Micah’s toy.

“I’d like to start over.”

“It’s easier to say it than to do it cupcake.” She says before ordering breakfast for her and her nephew. “I don’t know how willing I am to get back together with you.”

“We can at least try.” I say quietly, leaning my arms on the table.

“I don’t know just yet.” She whispers. “Are you planning on moving back into your apartment?”

“Maybe. I mean, I never really moved out, I just wanted to stay at my dad’s for a while.”

“Okay. Look, you don’t need to explain yourself to me at all. I got over it. I mean of course I didn’t get over you, but I got over the situation.” She says, taking one of the pancakes off of her plate and cutting it up on a smaller plate for Micah when the waiter brings our food.

“You’ve gotten domestic.” I tease.

“Yeah, being with this bugger brought a lot out of me.” Micah looks up at Carmilla and smiles.

“Yummy!” He says, putting more pancakes in his mouth. The rest of breakfast consisted of Carm and I making small talk and catching up properly, while Micah interjected by throwing a toy at us. He started laughing when it almost hit me in the head.

“Hey, don’t do that, it isn’t nice to hurt someone.” Carmilla says, taking the toy from him and putting it in her bag.

“Sorry.”

“You have two more toys to play with, don’t do it again kiddo.”

“Okay.” Micah says, finishing up his sippy-cup of milk.

“Well, this has been nice, but I have to get going. I promised Laf I would help them with some science thing.” I say, reaching into my bag for my wallet.

“Don’t worry about it cupcake, I’ll take care of it.” Carmilla says, snatching the check when the waiter comes by.

“Oh, okay, thanks.”

“No problem. Have fun helping brainiac with their project. Maybe I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, maybe.” I smile. We walk out onto the busy sidewalk where Carmilla picks up Micah and adjusts him on her hip. “It was great seeing you Carm.”

“Likewise creampuff. Okay, we have to get going Micah has to get home to mommy and daddy.”

“Bye Micah.”

“Bye-bye.” He says with a small wave.

“I’ll text you later.” I smile before walking in the direction of Laf and Perry’s.

 

-Carmilla POV-

“So how was Auntie Carm bonding time with the little guy?” Ell asks as I walk into the apartment.

“It was nice, I took him to breakfast before brining him home.”

“That’s good. How’s Laura?”

“She’s good. Wait.”

“I saw her walking up the stairs before when I was leaving for the gym. She said that you and her had breakfast this morning.”

“With Micah.”

“Doesn’t matter, what made you talk to her?”

“I saw her yesterday when I was brining Micah here. He ran past her in the hallway. And when I caught him and looked up…”

“Oh okay. So what happened?”

“Nothing happened, we caught up and had breakfast. Micah nearly hit her in the face with one of his toys when he turned it into a projectile.”

“Is this going to be a thing?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug, walking into the kitchen.

“I know how you’ve since the day she left. If you let her stroll back into your life like nothing happened…”

“I won’t. I mean, I miss her so much Ell, you have no idea how I reacted to seeing her again. The spark started back up again, I can’t begin to explain it.” I say with a small smile.

“Wait until you know what’s happening. Like, give it time.”

“I don’t want to give it time. You and I both know that if she knocked on that door and said she wanted to be with me again, I would fall and kneel at her feet. I would do anything for her.”

“I know you would, but you have to be careful.”

“I don’t really want you to over rule my life and the choices I decide to make. I don’t need you looking out for me, I’m old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong.”

“Don’t come crying to me if something happens.”

“Why are you going to say that? Why are you expecting me to fail?”

“I’m not expecting you to fail, I just know how you are.”

“No Ell! You don’t know who I am, really. You only know a portion of who I am; you know a small fraction of me. You think you know me to the full extent but you don’t. I know we’ve been friends for a really long time, but at the same time, we don’t know each other as well as we would like to. Regardless of how long we’ve known each other.”

“It’s shitty you feel that way.”

“I’m sorry, but there comes a point where I don’t need you meddling in on my life. I just know that I still love Laura, and there is nothing that will change that.”

“What about the hundreds of girls you’ve been with?” 

“See, you haven’t been around so much, I have like three rotating fuck buddies.”

“So that makes it better?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t make it seem so excessive and you made it, and me sleeping with people isn’t your business.”

“So your life isn’t my business. I get it.” She huffs.

“What are you mad about that?”

“Because I feel like you’re shutting me out and I can’t figure out why.”

“I’m not shutting you out of my life entirely, I’m shutting you out partially. I don’t need your input when it comes to Laura. I don’t want it.”

“Fine.”

“Thanks.” I say, walking over to her and giving her a hug.

“You never hug me.” Ell says, wrapping her arms around me.

“Enjoy it, it won’t happen for a long time.” I say, kissing her on the cheek. “I still love you Ell, no mater what.”

“I know.”


	16. Chapter 16

-Carmilla POV-

I couldn’t help but smile when I saw Laura walking up to me in front of the restaurant we agreed to have dinner at. “Hey.” I say, kissing her cheek and giving her a hug.

“Hey.” She smiles. I open the door for her and we walk in, the host shows us to our table and we sit down. “I don’t think we dated this much when we were together.”

“What do you mean, we went out on dates.”

“No as often as now. I’m not complaining or anything, I like it.”

“Well, I see it as back tracking. We never really just dated, we just kinda went into a relationship don’t you think?” I ask, taking a sip of water.

“I suppose so.” She shrugs, looking over the menu. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Do you want to get back together? Is that why we’re doing this dating thing?”

“I’d like to see where it takes us.”

“I would like to see where this takes us too. I do miss us.” Laura smiles, reaching across the table and taking my hand in hers.

“I miss you too cupcake.” I smile, leaning over the table to kiss her on the cheek.

“How have things been going with school?”

“Good. I’m going for my Masters in Philosophy. Then I may just keep studying it, I might teach it. I think I’d want to teach it at the college level though, there’s a bit more freedom when it comes to the college level.”

“That’s good, I’m proud of you Carm.”

“Thanks cupcake.” I say with a small smile. We enjoy our dinner quietly, exchanging small talk about current events and catching up with what’s happened over the years. It was easy for us to pick up where we left off, that was the good part. The bad part was that it was almost too easy. There was something about her that made it hard for me to resist, that was something that remained constant and I don’t know how to handle it some times.

“Are you okay?” Laura asks as we walk to her apartment. “You seem a little dazed.”

“I’m good, cupcake.”

“I know you well enough to know when you’re lying to me.”

“I promise, I’m alright.” I say with a smile, kissing her on the cheek.

“Do you want to come up?” She asks when we reach her building.

“I – I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you should. It’s not a big deal.”

“I’m not ready to do that yet. This is still a relearning type of thing, and Micah is getting dropped off in the morning.”

“It’s fine Carm, you don’t need to explain yourself to me.”

“I’ll talk to you later.” I say with a small smile.

“Okay, thank you for dinner.” Laura says with a smile, kissing me on the cheek.

* * *

“Micah?” I call out as I walk out of the bathroom to see that he isn’t sitting on the couch watching his show anymore. “Are you going to play hide and seek?”

“Yeah!” I hear him call out from somewhere in Ell’s room. I walk in and turn on the light and look to see his little feet sticking out from behind the drapes. I walk over and he look up at me with a wide grin and a laugh.

“I found you, you little monster.” I say, picking him up and throwing him over my shoulder. “We’re gonna have some lunch.”

“Yeah!” I walk into the kitchen and put him in his highchair.

“Want some macaroni and cheese?”

“Yeah!” Micah shouts with a smile.

“Want to put bugs in it?”

“Yeah!”

“You’re silly.” I laugh, kissing him on the cheek before I start cooking. After lunch I decided to put a movie on for him and convince him to lie down on the couch for a nap. When Micah was about to drift off into dreamland, someone was knocking on the door, jolting him awake. “Stay here squirt.”

“Okay.” He says with his pacifier in his mouth. I open the door to see Laura standing there with a smile on her face.

“Hey cupcake. How are you?"

“I’m good, I was just coming to see how Perry was doing and I thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing.” She smiles.

“I’m doing good cupcake, you want to come in? Micah is here.”

“If it’s no trouble.”

“Not at all.” I smile, stepping aside for her to walk into the apartment.

“Hi!” Micah says, leaning against the back of the couch with a smile.

“Hello Micah.” Laura chimes, walking over to him. “Are you being good for Carm?”

“No.” He says with a giggle, shaking his head and looking at me with a wide grin.

“He’s so cute.” Laura smiles, looking over her shoulder at me. “He oddly enough has your eyes. There must be something about the Karnstein’s, they all have a mysterious glint in their eyes all the time, like you’re all hiding something.”

“It’s the Karnstein air of mystery.” I say, wiggling my eyebrows. “Do you want anything?”

“No thanks, I’m alright.” She says, sitting down next to Micah. Laura begins to hold as much of a conversation with Micah as she can, seeing that he has a minimal, but growing, vocabulary. “He’s very smart.”

“He’s with me a lot of the time, it’s rubbing off.” I chime, sitting on the other side of Micah. “The kid is going to be a genius before I know it.” I say, ruffling his hair.

“Well aren’t you sure of yourself.”

“I am. Not only is the kid a Karnstein, he’s being raised by me for the most part.” I say with a smile.

“You’re a jerk.” Laura says, rolling her eyes and smiling.

“Thanks cupcake.” We stare at each other for a moment, a small smile on Laura’s face. It isn’t until I hear the front door open, that I break eye contact with her.

“Am I interrupting something?” Ell chimes.

“Not at all.” I say, shaking my head.

“Ell!” Micah shouts, climbing off of the couch and running over to her.

“Hey squirt, I’m surprised you’re up. Auntie Carm and Laura must have disrupted your schedule.”

“Blame Laura on that.”

“I would have left.”

“I’m not going to listen to you two argue. I’m gonna take the little one to lay down in my room.”

“We aren’t arguing, but okay.” I say rolling my eyes while Ell carries Micah to her room.

“I would have left if you were putting him down for a nap.”

“It’s okay, it’s not a big deal. He only would have slept for ten minutes any way.”

“But still Carm.”

“Don’t worry about it cupcake. I promise.” I smile, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. She places her hand on my cheek when I start to pull away. “Don’t.” I whisper, sensing the fact that she was about to kiss me.

“Why?”

“Because we shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” Laura asks, dropping her hand and sitting up straight.

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“No I want you to lie.” She says sarcastically.

“I don’t know if I truly want to get back together with you…”

“You run hot and cold so much, I can’t keep up.”

“Being with you does that to me, we seem to do that to each other.”

“I know we do, but at the same time, I thought through what I wanted.”

“Yeah, well while you were thinking things through, you left me flat and in an unnecessary way to do it.”

“Are you going to hang that over my head?”

“Maybe.” I shrug, getting up from the couch.

“I’m sorry I did that Carmilla, I just needed time to think.”

“To think about what Laura? I thought we had something going for us, I thought we were actually getting somewhere, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Carmilla…” She sighs, throwing her hands up in the air. “I was scared, I’m still scared, I don’t know how this relationship thing is really supposed to work, when I was with Danny, all we did was see each other when we would get home from work, we never really acted like we were together. We were more like roommates with benefits…”

“That has fuck all to do with me.”

“I love you.” She says quietly. “I love you. I still love you, I can’t stop loving you.”

“But you tried to, and that’s what makes everything invalid now cupcake.” Laura stares at me for a moment, trying to register what I meant. “Leave.”

“I’m going.” She says quietly, turning on her heels and walking out the door, letting it close with a small thud.

“Fuck me.” I say quietly, walking into the kitchen and making myself a cup of coffee.

“What happened?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it Ell. Is Micah sleeping?”

“Yeah, thankfully he didn’t hear anything.”

“Good.” I sigh. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Well, if you ask me, you’re at that point just before you have angry hate sex that starts out on the hall and makes its way into the bedroom. But that’s just my opinion.”

“As much as I hate to say it, I think you’re right.”

“Hell yeah I’m right.” Ell scoffs, looking at me with a smile. “Just, do what you think you should do. If you’re having that internal battle right now of whether or not you should be with her, you and I both know that you want to be with her, your heart is telling you to, but your brain is cock blocking the thoughts. Get over yourself and just be with her. You and Laura need each other in some sick and twisted kind of way. There is nothing around that.”

“You’re right.” I sigh.

“How did those words taste coming out of your mouth?”

“Like sulfuric acid.” I say, throwing the dishtowel at her.

“I’m your Jiminy Cricket, even though I’m fucking annoying, I tend to come in handy when I give you my wise words.”

“I hate you.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluffiness I think some of you may have been craving :) 
> 
> Side note; Elise decided to dye her hair and in the process I think the fandom may have imploded a bit.....

-Laura POV-

“I hate you.” Carmilla says breathlessly, looking up at me while I straddle her hips.

“No you don’t.”

“I hate myself.”

“Why is that?”

“Ell was fucking right, that’s why.” She sighs, covering her face with her hands.

“Ell predicted this didn’t she?”

“Action for action. We started in the hallway and…”

“We made it to my bed.” I say with a laugh, leaning down to kiss her softly. “Do you regret it?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“That’s all I care about.” I say, rolling off of her and lying on my side.

“Are we going to just casually do this?”

“I can’t be casual with you.”

“So you want this to be a regular thing?” Carmilla asks sarcastically.

“I think I need something to be a regular thing when it comes to this and us. I like when we’re together.”

“But.”

“That was then Carmilla. It took some time for me to think and realize, I never did anything like that. I have never put my job at risk for someone before.”

“So now you want to kinda pick up where we left off?”

“Yeah. I would.” I say. Carmilla sighs and turns to face me, she runs her fingers through my hair and smiles.

“I mean, I guess so.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass.” I say, kissing her quickly before getting out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m hungry.” I say, walking over to get my robe off of the hook.

“Bring me something?”

“No, you can get up and get it yourself.”

“But cupcake.” Carmilla whines.

“But nothing. Get up and meet me in the kitchen, I’ll make you eggs or something, but I’m not letting you eat in my bed.”

“Fine.” I hear her huff as I walk out of the room. A few moments later, I feel Laura walk up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing the back of my neck. “What are you making?” She whispers, continuing her assault on my neck.

“Food.” I smile, turning to face her. “Good food.”

“And what makes it good?”

“I’m making it.” I say, kissing her quickly before turning my attention back to the stove.

“You burn dinner once and you’re barred from ever cooking again.” Carmilla says dramatically, throwing her hands in the air.

“You didn’t just burn in a little, we almost had to call the fire department.”

“I know. I’m not doing it ever again.”

“Exactly.” I chime, taking the pan from the stove and serving up Carmilla some scrambled eggs. “Here.” I say, placing the pate in the counter in front of her.

“Thank you.” Carmilla says, kissing me on the cheek.

“You’re welcome.” I say, walking over to sit at the table. “What are you going to do today?”

“I have a class in a couple of hours, then I get Micah for the evening. If you want to, you can come by later, or I’ll just come here when Will comes to get him.”

“What time is that?”

“Like eight-ish.”

“Okay, I’ll see you again around eight-ish.” I smile, leaning over the table to kiss her. We finish up eating quietly; stealing small glances here and there. “I have to shower and get to work, just leave the dish in the sink.”

“I can’t join you?”

“We both know that isn’t the best idea in the world, especially when you have classes to attend and I have a meeting today.” I say, kissing Carmilla softly.

“But I love taking a shower with you.” Carmilla whines, resting her forehead against mine.

“Well let’s see how dirty I get in the course of a day, and we’ll talk about showering together tonight.” I say, kissing her quickly.

“I’ll make a point to roll around in the mud.”

“Ha ha Carm.”

“I’ll see you later then cupcake.”

“I’ll see you later.” I smile. Carmilla kisses me one last time before gathering some of her things and leaving.

 

-Carmilla POV-

I ring the bell twice for Laura’s apartment when I reach her building, she opens the door for me and I walk up the stairs, rather than waiting for the elevator. When I reach her door I sigh, fixing my shirt. I knock on the door, smiling when Laura opens the door. “Are those for me?” She asks, referring to the bouquet of sunflowers I was holding.

“Oh, I forgot to leave these at home. They were meant for Ell.” I say sarcastically with a wide smile, laughing when Laura rolls her eyes at me.

“You’re a jerk.” She smiles; taking the bouquet and giving me a loving kiss before moving to let me into her apartment. “How was your day?”

“Long. I missed you.” I say, plopping down on the couch.

“I missed you too.” Laura says, walking into the living room with the sunflowers in a vase and placing it on the coffee table before sitting next to me on the couch.

“How was your day?” I ask, running my fingers through her hair.

“It was good. I had some meetings and stuff.”

“Are you back at your old practice?”

“No, I work at one of the private schools as a school psychiatrist.”

“You’re not allowed to say which one.”

“All you need to know is that it pays very, very well.” She chimes, kissing me softly.

“What a thrill it is to have a rich girlfriend.” I tease.

“Speak for yourself. When are we running away to your flat in London?”

“Whenever you want to.”

“What about your mother’s yacht? Can we ever steal some time on that?”

“I suppose I could ask, or not care and just go there.” I shrug. “Again, we can go whenever you want.” I say, leaning in to kiss her softly. “You wanna run away with me that bad?”

“I’d always run away with you Carmilla, no matter what.”

“That’s good to know cupcake. So if I said, pack a bag for a weekend in Paris, you would do it?”

“If that’s a hypothetical question, I am going to be very upset with you.”

“It isn’t.” I say with a smile, shaking my head. “I can arrange for us to leave Thursday night and be back home Monday.”

“Seriously?”

“Why not? I mean I could use a trip.”

“Oh my god Carm!” She shrieks, wrapping her arms around me and kissing me hard. “I can’t believe it, I love you so much.” She says, registering what she had said after a moment. “I mean, thank you for letting me go on a trip to Paris with you this weekend, I mean, I know you aren’t doing it for just me, but I’m still grateful.”

“You don’t have to get weird because you said you love me, I get it. I feel like I would say it if this were reversed.” I say, tucking a fallen stand of hair behind her ear and leaning in to kiss her. “I mean; I love you too.” I whisper against her lips. “I never managed to stop…”

“I never did either.” She chimes, kissing me again.

* * *

 

“Are you okay?” I ask Laura about halfway through the plane ride.

“I’m getting antsy.”

“I know the feeling cupcake. We’ll be there before you know it.” I say, leaning over and kissing her cheek. “Did you try sleeping?”

“Yeah, and then I tried reading, I had a couple of drinks, now I’m just getting fidgety.” I reach over and take her hand in mine, lacing out fingers together.

“You’ll be alright cutie.” I chime, turning my head towards her and falling back to sleep. I wake up with a small jolt when Laura begins shaking me.

“We’re going to land soon. The pilot just came on saying so.” She says quietly, giving me a sweet smile and caressing my cheek.

“What?”

“You always look so cute when you first wake up.” She chimes, leaning in to kiss me.

“Mhm.” I hum, smiling into her kiss. “You do too by the way.” I say, kissing her one more time before sitting up straight. I was thankful Laura was able to refrain from breaking my hand seeing that she was squeezing it so hard during the landing. We go off the plane and met with our driver once we were out of the gate. Our ride to the hotel consisted of Laura gawking at everything we drove past and nearly hyperventilating when she saw the Eiffel Tower. “Calm down cupcake.” I say, taking her hand in mine. We get to the hotel and Laura runs into the room like she was a five-year-old on Christmas morning, opening the door to the small balcony and gasping when she saw the Eiffel Tower again.

“Oh my goodness Carm.”

“We’ll see that all weekend cupcake, it isn’t going anywhere.” I say, walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist.

“I know, but it’s something else when you see it in person.”

“You’ve never traveled, have you?”

“If you count visiting my grandparents in Florida…”

“My poor little cupcake has never seen what the world has to offer.”

“Sadly no I haven’t.” She says, bowing her head. I kiss the back of her neck.

“There isn’t anything to worry about. I’ll show you the world.” I whisper in her ear.

“You going to break out into the song from Aladdin?”

“I don’t remember the words, but if I did I would.” Laura laughs and turns in my arms to face me. She smiles, leaning in to kiss me.

“You’re corny.”

“I have my moments.” I say, holding her tightly. “What do you want to do?”

“I’m in France with my girlfriend, no matter what we do, it will be a good time. But I do want to take cheesy tourist pictures under the Eiffel Tower with you.”

“We can do that.” Laura shrieks and runs back into the room to get her camera out of her bag.

“Let’s go.” She says, pulling me by the hand. After a couple of hours of taking pictures and sightseeing, we found ourselves back in our hotel room getting ready for dinner. The restaurant that I wanted to take Laura to was a short walk from our hotel, for France, it wouldn’t be classified as fancy, but for a naïve American girl who has barely left her state limits, it was the fanciest place she has ever walked into. “Holy crap Carm.”

“If you say this place is fancy, I am going to hit you. This isn’t fancy for this country Laura. It would be different if we were home.” I say, kissing her on the cheek as an older man leads us to out table. I pull Laura’s chair out for her causing her to smile widely. “Do you trust me?” I whisper in her ear, she looks up at me, nodding as I lean in to kiss her before taking my seat. I look over the menu and the up at her and smile. The waiter comes over to us, greeting us in English. “You trust me.” I ask, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yes.” She whispers shyly. I clear my throat and look over the menu while speaking to the waiter in French, while I’m speaking, I look over to see Laura’s jaw nearly hitting the table, and I don’t fight the smile that spreads across my face. I snap the menu closed, handing both of them back to the waiter, once he’s out of earshot I look at Laura to see her face seemed to have been frozen. “You, you speak fluent French?”

“I do cupcake.” I say, taking a sip of water.

“And you never told me?”

“Air of mystery. Something’s are worth keeping a secret, although I will tell you, if you think my French is good, wait until you hear me speak one of the other four languages I know.” I say with a wink.

“You speak four _other_ languages fluently?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You’re amazing.”

“You haven’t even heard me speak yet.”

“Yeah, but I know it’ll still be amazing. Why do you know five languages other than English?”

“Mother started us all out young, but I was the only one that stayed with it. I think that’s one of the things mother appreciates about me.”

“Can you tell me one of the other languages?”

“I’ll tell you all of them, but you won’t hear me speak them outside of the country they are spoken. I can speak Spanish, which is easy and really isn’t impressive.”

“I know I can even speak Spanish.” Laura says, rolling her eyes.

“Well aren’t you just the little Rhodes Scholar.” I tease. “I also speak, Greek, German, Lithuanian, and Japanese.”

“Holy shit. Not only is my girlfriend hot, but she is also intelligent and multilingual.”

“I’m quite the catch.” I say smugly when the waiter comes by with the bottle of wine for us. “You landed quite the lady Hollis.”

“I did.”

“To us.” I say, raising my glass to her.

“To us.” Laura repeats quietly, the smile never falling from her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to try to put French into this, especially because I don't speak it and Google sometimes messes things up. I hope you're enjoying it so far, I don't have a plan on how long I'm going to make it, so we'll see where we get :)
> 
> Feel free to follow me, or whatever, on Tumblr: juli-with-a-chance


	18. Chapter 18

-Carmilla POV-

I stumble into my apartment to see Ell sitting on the couch watching something on TV. “Where did you run away to?”

“I went to Paris with Laura.” I say, plopping down on the couch.

“Oh really now?”

“Yeah, she wanted to go so we went.”

“When are you two going to stop dicking each other around?”

“We haven’t been, we mended fences.”

“You fucked in the hallway didn’t you?”

“Fuck you.” I say, throwing the pillow at her. “We’re picking up where we left off. It is what it is, and was what it was.”

“So when are you running away with her and eloping?”

“Don’t start!”

“Why, are you afraid it’s going to happen? Just like the angry hallway make up sex?”

“Fuck you, yet again.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, how was Paris?”

“It was fun, I impressed her with the fact that I speak fluent French.”

“You didn’t tell her?”

“I can’t reveal all of my talents, besides, the look on her face was worth it.” I say with a small smile.

“Well at least you’re a smitten kitten again.”

“I don’t want to be with anyone else, Ell. I can’t explain it, but I could see myself being with her long term.”

“And you should know that that is okay, there is no reason for you to not want to be with someone. You always live by this weird philosophy of keeping people at bay because you don’t want to get hurt, and yet, you seem to be a million times better when you’re with someone rather than sleeping around. And if it takes Laura for you to see that, then I don’t want to see you with any other person. If you want my blessing or whatever you want to call it, my approval, you have it, she has it. We’ve known each other for a very long time and when I see you with Laura, I see the old you. I see the Carmilla I met in high school, all devil may care attitude. I think the next time I see Laura, I’m going to thank her.”

“Do whatever you want to. Thank her as much as you want to. I don’t think I’m going to lose this one.”

“So you’re going to run away with her and get married?”

“No, I don’t know if marriage is something for me, I can deal with codependency, but marriage is too much of a commitment and union.”

“Does Laura ever talk about it, I mean she is older than you, she’s at the point where she should be thinking about it, don’t you think?”

“Whatever Laura wants to do with her life is her business.”

“What if she wanted to marry you tomorrow, would you do it?”

“I – I don’t know…”

“So you love her to the stars and beyond, but you clam up at the thought that this woman may want to marry you one day?”

“I guess I do… I fucking hate you.” I say, getting up from the couch.

“You hate that I’m always right.”

“I hate that you never shut up.”

“Love you too sweetie pie!” I hear Ell call out as I walk into my room. 

* * *

“Yeah!” I call out when I hear a knock at my door, not looking up from the book I was reading.

“Look at you working hard.” I hear Laura chime as she walks through the door.

“Hey cupcake.” I say with a smile as she walks over to the bed and leans in to kiss me.

“Hey. What are you reading?”

“Kierkegaard. My favorite nineteenth century philosopher.”

“Are you reading for fun or class?”

“A little bit of both. I have to do a paper on a nineteenth century philosopher, so I thought it would be fun to read about him and read some more of his works.”

“You’re a dork.” Laura chimes, kissing me again before walking around and sitting next to me on my bed.

“What brings you here?” I ask, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

“I’m not allowed to just pop in on my girlfriend?”

“No, you are, I was just wondering.”

“I missed you, and I’m sick of always hanging out at my place, so I caught Ell on her way out and she told me she will be back tomorrow or something.”

“She tells you but she doesn’t tell me.”

“She said you’d say that. She did tell you but you were so engrossed in what you were reading that it wouldn’t have mattered what she told you.”

“I guess she’s right.” I shrug.

“You hate admitting when Ell is right.”

“I do, because she’s always right.”

“She just wants what’s best for you.”

“I know.” I sigh, kissing Laura on the top of her head. “Do you want to do anything?”

“No, not really. You can do your reading and I’ll just lay here.” She says, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“I don’t want you to be bored.”

“I won’t, I promise.” She says, leaning to kiss me on the cheek. A couple of hours later, I find myself opening my eyes and seeing the back of Laura’s head, my arms wrapped around her waist as we both lay in my bed sleeping.

“Shit.” I whisper, turning to see my book on the floor.

“Carm, stop moving.”

“I’m sorry cupcake, we fell asleep.”

“I know, and I’m too comfortable to move so you better lay back down.”

“Sweetie, I have to get Micah in a little while.”

“No you don’t.” She says, turning on her side and handing me my phone. “I looked, Will said Micah is sick and you don’t have to watch him today.”

“Oh, okay then.” I say, reading over the text message and putting my phone down before pulling Laura into me again.

“You’re so warm.” Laura mumbles.

“I know cupcake.” I say, kissing the back of her neck.

“I love you.”

“I love you too cupcake.” 

* * *

“My dad texted me, he wants to do dinner.” Laura says as I walk back into my room.

“When?”

“Tonight night okay?”

“No problem.” I say, getting back into bed. “What time?”

“Like seven. He’s taking the next train in here and I told him to come here because he knows that Laf and Perry live here.”

“That’s fine cupcake, what are you going to wear? You don’t have a lot of clothes here.”

“It’s just my dad, nothing fancy.” She shrugs.

“Okay cupcake, I think you still have clothes in the bottom drawer.”

“Thanks Carm, I’m gonna shower.”

“Okay, your toothbrush is in the medicine cabinet with the yellow cover.”

“Thank you.” She smiles, kissing me quickly. “I love you.”

“I love you too cupcake.” I smile, kissing her again before she makes her way to the bathroom. About an hour and a half later, after Laura and I were both done getting ready, there was a knock at the door.

“That’s probably my dad, Laf and Perry probably sent him over.” Laura says, looking at herself one last time in the mirror.

“You look good cupcake, besides I’ve met him already. There is no ready to impress him or be nervous about anything.”

“I know, but I still want to look good for you.”

“You could were a potato sack and you’ll still look good for me.” I smile, kissing her quickly before opening the door for Sherman. “Hello sir.”

“Hello Carmilla, how are you?”

“I’m doing well thank you, come in. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Hi daddy!” Laura chimes, walking over to hug her father.

“How are you princess?”

“Really well dad.”

“How is this situation?” Sherman asks with a stern tone, pointing between Laura and myself.

“We’ve mended fences sir, there is nothing but love between us.” I say, wrapping my arm around Laura’s waist and kissing the side of her head.

“Good. You two are good for each other, there is no reason to lose out on each other.”

“I know dad.”

“Okay, so where ever you girls want to go for dinner. I’m not picky.”

“Do you want to go out or stay in?” Laura asks.

“It doesn’t matter to me sweetie.” Sherman says, sitting down on the couch.

“I don’t feel like going out. Can we order in from that Chinese place we like?” Laura asks me quietly.

“Whatever you want cupcake, if you want to stay in, we can.” I say, kissing her cheek before she lets me go to find the menu in the kitchen. “I think we’re gonna stay in. Can I get you anything?”

“Beer, if you have.”

“No problem.” I say, walking into the kitchen. “You find it cupcake?” I ask, watching Laura rummage through the door.

“Yeah, it was buried. Do you want your usual?”

“Of course.” I smile, opening a beer for Sherman and one for myself. “Do you want anything?”

“Water please.”

“No problem.” I open the fridge and get her a bottle of water. I walk back into the living room to find Laura and her dad hovered over the take-out menu.

“What do you usually get Carmilla?” Sherman asks as I place the beer in front of him.

“Chicken and broccoli, sir. I’m a classic kinda gal.” He hums in response as I sit back down in my chair. Sherman and Laura discuss what they want to eat for a little while longer before finally settling. Laura calls to place the order. Laura decides to sit on my lap for the time it takes for our food to get to the apartment, which took a lot of effort when I came to keeping up a conversation with her father. We eat with light conversation, seeing that Ell wasn’t home, I thought it would be better to eat in the living room around the coffee table rather than squeezing around the rather small three person table in the kitchen. The three of us hold light conversation, most of the time it was Laura and Sherman talking about things taking place in their family that Laura wasn’t in the loop of knowing, when it came to current events and things like that, I would chime in.

“How are you doing in school Carmilla?” Sherman asks.

“Very well sir. I trying to take it as far as getting my PhD before I look into teaching at the college level.”

“That’s great to hear, I’m glad you’re taking your education that far.”

“Thank you sir.” I say with a smile.

“Now, I want to ask you something.”

“Anything Sherman.”

“When are you going to break down and marry my daughter?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Dad, stop it. Don’t put her on the spot.”

“What, you aren’t getting any younger, and Danny dicked you around and never married you after five years, I don’t want the same thing to happen.”

“Look, Mr. Hollis, I love and care about your daughter very much, I don’t necessarily think marriage in is the cards for any time soon, but I don’t want you to think I’m anything like Laura’s past lover. I’m far more caring than she was. I feel like what Laura and I share is something that doesn’t need the label of marriage just yet. Maybe one day, but I don’t know when that day is going to come.”

“Well I don’t want Laura wasting her time.”

“I’m not wasting my time dad. I care about Carmilla so much; I don’t ever want to lose her again. When we’re ready to start that chapter in our lives we will, until then I don’t want it to be a forced issue.” Laura says sternly.

“No disrespect Mr. Hollis, I don’t want you to think I don’t want to marry your daughter. I’ll admit it to both of you right now that I see myself marrying her and going against everything I believe in to be with Laura, that’s how much I love and care for your daughter.” I look over to see Laura looking at me with awe in her eyes. “When the time is right, I will do the right thing.” I say, staring into Laura’s eyes while directing the words towards Sherman.

“I suppose you will.” Sherman says. I see him smiling out of the corner of my eyes. “It’s getting late, I have to get going. I have work tomorrow.” He says as he gets up from the couch. “It was nice seeing you girls as always.”

“It was nice seeing you too dad.” Laura says, giving her father a hug.

“Keep her safe.”

“Of course, sir.” I smile as he gives me a firm handshake before pulling me into a hug.

“I know you’ll do the right thing.” He whispers in my ear. “Okay girls, you two be good and take care. I’ll talk to you sometime this week again, maybe you’ll be able to make it out to visit me.”

“We’ll plan something, I like to go out to the beach house in the winter sometimes so we’ll make a pit stop.” I say with a smile as I walk him to the door.

“Sounds like a plan, just let me know.”

“Will do.”

“Be safe getting home dad.” Laura chimes as she walks up to me and wraps her arms around my waist.

“Have a good night girls, thank you for dinner.” Sherman says with a wave before walking to the elevator, he turns and waves one last time before stepping into the elevator. I close the door to the apartment and lock it; I turn to see Laura starting to clean up the table.

“Do you really want to marry me?” Laura asks, stopping what she was doing.

“One day.” I say, stuffing my hands in my back pockets.

“You don’t believe in marriage?”

“No, not really. I don’t understand the reason for it. If you love someone enough, why does coming together in a legal for of unity make it anymore important than just being with the person I love? Why does marriage have to be a topic?”

“Because marriage, to me, is the highest form of showing someone you want to be with them forever.”

“I suppose so, if you want to get married and are all gung-ho about it, then we’ll do it when the time is right.” I say, walking over and kissing her on the cheek.

“Okay.” She smiles, kissing me quickly before going back to cleaning up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized have a slight theme of mentioning Kierkegaard in this fic and one of my other fics, if you are interested in philosophy or want to just read a bit of philosophy, I recommend reading Kierkegaard, due to the fact that he is the only existentialist that won't make you want to tear your hair out. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this installment :)


	19. Chapter 19

-Carmilla POV-

“Hey Carmilla I need to – are you serious right now?” Ell asks, walking into my room to find me in an odd circumstance.

“Shit.” I say, when I poke my head out from under the covers. 

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Uhm…” I look at the nameless face whose legs I was just between.

“Leave nameless, I have to talk to my friend.” Ell says, pointing in the direction of the door. The girl gets stumbles out of my bed, looking for her clothes before throwing them on and leaving without a word. Once we hear the door close I sit up straight, making sure the duvet stays wrapped around me. “What the fuck got into you?” Ell says, walking over to me and slaps the back of my head.

“I don’t know.” I shrug.

“What if Laura walked in? You know it would be far worse than me. You’d be dead.”

“Don’t tell her.”

“Of course I’m not going to tell her, but what made you do this?”

“I don’t know. I think the marriage talk her dad kinda threw at me made me freak out.”

“That doesn’t mean you screw a nameless face.”

“I know. But you know I can’t cope with things the right way.”

“That still doesn’t give you the right to screw around. It would have been better to see you piss drunk. Or so high you can’t move.”

“You know I turn to sex when I’m in the middle of a dilemma.” I say with a small smile.

“Then have angry sex with Laura! Don’t have sex with a random!”

“Just don’t tell Laura, at all.”

“Oh let me just call her now and let her know what you did.”

“You’re a dick.”

“And you’re going to have to have a guilty conscience whenever you look at Laura.”

“Fuck you. Get out of my room.” I shout, throwing a pillow at her.

* * *

“Hey.” Laura says cheerfully as I walk up to her in the coffee shop.

“Hey.” I smile, kissing her on the cheek. “You want your usual?”

“Please, I’ll get us a table.” I order our coffee and go to sit with her. “Something’s bothering you.” She says, taking a sip of her drink.

“Nothing cupcake, I’m just tired and stressed out a bit from school.” I shrug.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I thought you promised you wouldn’t be my shrink.”

“But I know there is something else bothering you.” She says, reaching across the small table, taking my hand in hers.

“Nothing’s wrong. I promise.” I smile, lifting her hand to kiss the back of it.

“So you’re not going to tell me about the girl that left your apartment this morning?” She asks, leaning back in her seat.

“There’s nothing to tell. Ell had some fling.” I shrug.

“That’s a lie, but okay. Ell wouldn’t have a fling, she doesn’t do that and you know it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re really going to deny that you cheated?” I just stare at her, not saying a single word. “I would feel better if you just admitted it, rather than deny it.” She says quietly, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper as I bow my head.

“I can’t believe you.” Laura sighs.

“You’re the one that dragged it out.”

“Yeah, and I waited all day. Perry told me that someone was leaving you’re apartment this morning and that there was yelling involved between you and Ell.”

“I don’t want to have this discussion here.”

“Where do you want to have it? Home so we can yell?” She says aggressively.

“No, I don’t want to have it at all.”

“Why not? You’re wrong and there’s nothing you can do to right what you did.” 

“Okay, I know that. What are you going to do? Are you going to leave me again? Are you going to run off and live with you dad cause I screwed some random girl? I can apologize a thousand times and I’ll never make it better. I know that I screwed up and I don’t want to talk about it because I know I’ll just make more of a fool out of myself.” I push myself away from the table. “I don’t know what else to say, or what to do. I messed up, I don’t know how to cope with things, and so I end up doing something stupid, which is what happened. I hurt you and I regret it. I’m sorry. I have to go get Micah.” I say, walking out of the coffee shop.

 

-Laura POV-

“She admitted that she slept with the girl you saw, and she’s sorry for it.” I tell Perry as I walk into the living room with a cup of tea for her and cocoa for me.

“So what are you going to do?”

“Make a fool of myself and go back to her.”

“Oh really?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong, I know I shouldn’t go back to her. I’ve hurt her enough and yet she forgave me. I think she deserves to be forgiven at least once.”

“It’s your relationship, something that apparently both of you have issues with when it comes to how you think. But it is something that both of you can deal with in time I suppose, as long as you’re happy.” She shrugs.

“I think I can make that decision for myself. I know that she makes me the happiest I could ever be. The good outweighs the bad in this instance.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ll give it a day or so and then run into her.”

“You mean like you always do?” Perry rolls her eyes. “You shouldn’t just come over to make something seem like a coincidence.”

“Yeah well, it’s more fun that way.”

“Whatever you say Laura. You’re lucky Laf isn’t here to encourage you.”

“We both know our lives wouldn’t be the same without them.”

“That’s true.” 

* * *

“I think she’s coming down the hall.” I say, looking through the peephole in the door.

“So go out there.” Laf says, standing over my shoulder.

“I can’t just go out there.”

“Sure you can, just go.” They say, pushing me.

“LaFontaine, leave Laura alone.”

“Yeah, leave me alone.” I say, pushing them away from me.

“The worst part of this whole thing is that you can’t just be an adult and walk over there, you have to make it seem like a coincidence.” Laf complains.

“Fine, you know what, I’ll go over there now.” I say, walking out the door and down the hall, I knock on the door and wait. When the door opens I see Carmilla standing in front of me in a panda bear onesie.

“Hey.” She says, pulling off her hood.

“Aura!” Micah says, running over to me and wrapping his arms around me, he looks up at me, the hood from his dinosaur onesie getting in the way, I pull I back to see him smiling at me.

“I guess you have no choice but to come in now.”

“I guess so.” I say walking into the apartment.

“Is there a reason why you’re here?”

“I wanted to talk to you about earlier…”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There is a lot to talk about if you ask me, we can’t just let it go.”

“Well I would like to let it go.”

“Why is that?”

“Because there is no reason to discuss it any further.”

“I’m willing to let it slide, give you a hall pass of sorts. I know this sounds stupid and I know I shouldn’t do this and I should be mad. I should just be mad and stay mad but I can’t and I don’t want to be mad at you anymore, it’s hard for me to be mad at you because I love you so much and the thought of being mad at you or hating you is something I don’t want to live with. I lived without you for two years; I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to lose you again. We both are really, really crappy people, there is no getting around that fact there is nothing around being a shitty person. I don’t know how to not be a shitty person, but I would rather be a shitty person with you. I’d rather go to bed at the end of the day, with you by my side, being equally as shitty as me rather than going to be with out you and still being a shitty person.”

“So what, is this just going to be a relationship between two shitty people?”

“Hasn’t it been that way since day one? Two shitty people that fell in love.”

“I guess so, I just don’t like to admit that I’m a shitty person ever.” Carmilla shrugs.

“Well you and I are both shitty people, I will climb to the roof of this building and shout it.”

“Don’t do that. But, I just really want a chance to think. I need to just take a moment and think about things for the rest of the night, if that’s okay.” Carmilla says quietly.

“I deserve to give you that time willingly.” I say with a small nod, taking a step forward to kiss her on the cheek.

“Thanks cupcake.” She says with a small smile.

“Aura go bye-bye?” Micah asks, Carm and I forgetting he was even here.

“Yeah squirt, you’ll see her later.” Carmilla says, picking him up.

“Bye-bye Aura.” Micah waves with a smile.

“I’ll talk to you later.” Carmilla says, walking me back towards the door.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't up to par with how I usually write, and that I apologize for, but it has been too long to not give you guys something, between the election here in the US and some other things going on, my drive for writing has taken a turn and chapters may or may not be as frequent as they usually are. So I apologize in advance and hope that you still enjoy this chapter.


	20. Chapter 20

-Laura POV-

“Dylan, get back here!” I call out as the little girl goes running down the sidewalk.

“Come on mommy!” She shouts over her shoulder as she runs toward the bakery, crashing into someone walking out of it. “I’m sorry.” I hear her say as I walk up to them.

“I’m sorry, my daughter can get a little excited when I comes to cookies.”

“I can understand where she gets it from.” I look up to see Carmilla standing there with a smirk playing on her lips. “It’s been a while cupcake.”

“It has.” I say, feeling Dylan reach for my hand.

“Mommy, who’s this?”

“This is an old friend of mommy’s sweetie.”

“I’m Carmilla, shorty. What’s your name?” Carmilla asks, crouching down to be at eyelevel with Dylan. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and I catch the sight of a thin silver band around her ring finger.

“My name is Dylan, I’m five.”

“Well Dylan, that is a very beautiful name, you look a lot like your mommy.”

“Everyone says I have her eyes, but I have my daddy’s smile. My daddy isn’t around anymore, he died keeping us safe when he was away.” Dylan explains, Carmilla stands up and gives me a look.

“So you met a guy?”

“It was a couple of months after we stopped talking.” I felt the need to say. “I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Babe, is everything okay?” A woman asks, walking out of the bakery carrying a car seat with a newborn baby sleeping soundly.

“Everything is okay.” Carmilla smiles as she takes the baby from the woman. “This is an old friend of mine, Laura. Laura this is my wife Sydney and our son Trevor.”

“Very nice to meet you.” Sydney says happily, extending her hand for me to shake.

“Nice to meet you too.” I smile; Dylan and Sydney get caught up introducing themselves, Dylan being the inquisitive little girl she is had to know everything about Trevor. Carmilla and I catch each other’s gaze. So much changing in the matter of six years, and yet looking at her made it seem like nothing has changed at all. I was brought back to reality at the feeling of Dylan pulling at my sleeve.

“Mommy, are you okay?”

“Of course sweetie.” I say, running my fingers through her hair.

“Can we get cookies already? I don’t wanna keep waiting.”

“Well the little one has spoken.” Carmilla teases. “You better get her cookies.”

“It was nice seeing you again.” I say with a small smile.

“It was nice seeing you too. We should get together sometime.”

“That would be nice.”

“Yeah, you and Dylan should come by for dinner some time. It would be nice to get to know one of Carmilla’s friends, seeing as she doesn’t have many.” Sydney teases, nudging Carmilla’s side.

“Yeah, it would be nice. Whenever you want. You can call me, my number is still the same.” I say to Carmilla as Dylan pulls me into the bakery. 

* * *

“Mommy?” Dylan asks from her place on the couch, as we got ready to watch a movie.

“Yes sweetie?”

“Why did Carmilla call you cupcake?”

“When we were friends, she never called me by my name, she always called me by a nickname, and cupcake was the one she always called me.”

“Like how daddy called you cupcake?”

“Daddy called me cupcake because he loved me so much.”

“Daddy called you cupcake whenever you were mad at him, it would make you smile.” Dylan explains with a grin.

“That’s true.” I nod.

“I miss daddy.”

“I miss him too sweetie.” I say, kissing her on the side of the head. “He loves us always sweet pea.”

“I know. Can we watch the movie now?”

“Yes we can.” I laugh, pressing play on the remote. After the movie was over, I look to see Dylan was sleeping. I smiled getting up from the couch and picking her up to bring her to her bed. I walk back out into the living room and start cleaning up when there was a knock at the door. I look through the peephole to see Carmilla standing in the hallway. “Are you kidding me?” I ask as I open the door. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk and I took a chance assuming you still lived here.”

“I never got rid of it, even when Felix tried to make me.” I say, stepping aside to let her in.

“I still can’t believe you had a husband.”

“Yeah, things happen. Be quiet please, Dylan is sleeping.”

“I still can’t believe you have a daughter.”

“And I can’t believe you have a wife and son. Can we move past that?”

“Yeah, sorry. How are you?” Carmilla asks as she sits on the couch.

“I’ve been well, you?”

“I’m hitched, and have a three-month-old.” She shrugs.

“Things changed, life carried on.”

“That it did… Do you ever miss me?” She asks shyly.

“Like someone cut a hole in me.” I say quietly. “We were toxic, we weren’t right enough for each other. There was something that wasn’t right.”

“And yet we were brought back together by your kid running into me.”

“Yeah, I know. But at the same time, we are brought back together. You have a wife and a child; I’m still grieving the loss of my husband… This… whatever it is, it can’t become a thing.”

“Why not?”

“There’s too much at risk, there are children, your marriage. I know you Carmilla. I know what you do. This isn’t a good idea. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t know what it’s like…” Carmilla says quietly.

“To live without half of my heart? I do know what it’s like. You kept cheating and someone can only forgive so much. Then my heart became whole again when I met Felix, only to have it halved by the loss of him. The only one keeping my whole every moment of the day is Dylan. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I feel that way for my son.”

“But not your wife?”

“Being pressured into marriage takes away from the excitement. Her parents pushed me into marrying her and my mother just wanted me to settle down already so I married her a year ago for all the wrong reasons. Then we tried for a kid and it happened instantly, and now I’m trapped.” Carmilla sighs, resting her head on the back of the couch. “If it wasn’t for Trevor, I would have left Sydney before the ink dried on the marriage license.”

“I only married Felix because I got pregnant. Not that I didn’t love him, I did, I just didn’t see myself married a Marine, but seeing Dylan every day reminds me that it was all worth it.” I smile, looking at her school picture on the table next to the couch.

“Would you change it all if you could?”

“No, I don’t think I’d change a thing.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I wouldn’t change anything that took place. I wouldn’t change meeting you, I wouldn’t change our relationship, I wouldn’t change the way things happened between us, and I wouldn’t change any of it. It helped me grow, and it shaped me.”

“I see.”

“I’m assuming you would change the fact that you cheated on my several times so you would still be with me.”

“Yeah. I love you Laura. I still love you, I’ve always loved you.”

“But you still managed to cheat on me several times? Where was the love then?”

“I – I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late for that Carmilla. It’s too late to get back together, it’s too late to apologize, and it’s too late to hope for the best. We can’t do that any longer. This isn’t a thing anymore.” I say, watching her begin to fight back tears. “You broke my heart Carmilla. You shattered it all those years ago.”

“And I shattered mine in the process.” She says, trying hard not to yell.

“Did you come here thinking everything would fall back into place?”

“No.”

“Then why did you come here?”

“I just wanted to see you. I missed you cupcake, I missed you so much.”

“I know. I understand how you feel. But things changed, things aren’t the way they used to be. I don’t think anything is going to be the way it was.” I say quietly. Carmilla stares at me for a moment and sighs before leaning forward and kissing me softly. She pulls back and looks at me, waiting for an answer, a reaction. “You have a wife and a son.” I whisper, resting my forehead against hers. “Giving in to you would make this seem hypocritical. I can’t do that to your family. I don’t want to be the reason your family falls apart.”

“I just wanted to kiss you one last time. I wanted to feel whole again.” She whispers against my lips.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” She cries, not being able to hold it in any longer. “I screwed everything up and I’m sorry. You and I should have a family together, we should be raising kids, and we shouldn’t be doing it separately. We shouldn’t be this way. I hate that we’re this way. I fucked up and now I can’t change it.”

“Calm down.” I whisper, caressing her cheeks. “I don’t want you to wake up Dylan.”

“So you’re not going to change your mind?”

“No Carmilla. I’m not changing my mind. I’m not going to break apart your marriage, nor and I going to let you. I have a daughter to worry about; I can’t subject her to having to learn something about her mother that she doesn’t know. I can’t put myself out of a limb again. I just can’t.”

“I’m never going to stop loving you.”

“I don’t expect you to. I will never stop loving you either. But there comes a time where parting gracefully will be better than trying to think of what could have been. We had fun, we had our time together, it’s time for you to make memories with your wife and son, and it’s time for me to continue making memories with my daughter.” I say, wiping away her tears gently with my thumbs. “I love you Carmilla Karnstein.”

“And I love you Laura Hollis.” She smiles sadly, kissing me on the forehead before getting up from the couch and walking towards the door. “I hope the little cupcake brings you all the joy in the world.”

“She does every day. And I hope the same for your son and wife, may they both bring you all the joy in the world.” I say, giving her one last hug.

“I’ll see you around doc.”

“See you around Carmilla.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. Thank you all for reading it and enjoying it, hopefully the ending is some kind of closure, with the possibility for a sequel... I've been conjuring up new ideas for different AUs so we'll see what happens, stay tuned if you enjoy my work, I will not disappoint :)


	21. Chapter 21

-Laura POV-

“Mom?” Dylan asks, walking into the study, where I was writing up an article for a newsletter.

“Yes Dear?”

“Is Grandpa coming over today?”

“Yes he is, in fact, he’s coming over because I have to go to work in a little bit. He should be here soon.”

“Yay! Grandpa lets me have cookies.” The eight-year-old chimes.

“I learned a lesson from eating too many cookies, that’s why I hold you back.” I say, kissing the side of her head.

“You said you ate so many cookies, you were hyper.”

“I was, and it wasn’t fun.”

“Whatever you say, Mom.” She chimes walking out of the room. “Hi Grandpa!” I hear Dylan shout; I get up from my desk and walk out of the room to see my dad standing in the doorway.

“Hi Sweetie.” He says, walking over and kissing my cheek.

“Hey Dad. Okay, I really have to get going, don’t give her too many cookies please. I’ll call you when I’m going to be home, I don’t really know when that’s going to be, so, yeah. Thank you again.” I say, kissing his cheek. “Be good for Grandpa.”

“I will, Mom.” Dylan says, giving me a hug. I walk out of the apartment and make my way downstairs. I run across the street to the coffee shop, walking in to see the barista smile as she grabs a cup.

“Hey, Laura. The usual?”

“Of course, Natalie, except an extra shot please.”

“No problem.” She smiles. I pay her and walk to the other end of the counter, checking my emails as I wait for my coffee.

“Hey.” Someone says from behind me I turn around and gasp slightly. “Long time, no see, Cupcake.”

“Carm.” I whisper, almost unable to believe she was standing in front of me.

“It’s me.” She smiles. “How are you?”

“I’m well, is this your son?” I ask, looking down at the quiet toddler at her side.

“Yes, this is Trevor. Trev, say hello?”

“Hello!” The little boy chimes, looking up at me.

“Hello there, you’re a cutie.”

“Thank you.” The little boy says.

“You’re so welcome.” I say. Looking up to see Carmilla smiling. “You look the same.”

“You look good too, Cupcake. I’d love to get together with you, catch up?”

“I’m pretty booked up for the next couple of weeks…”

“Whenever is good for you.”

“Email me, and I’ll let you know when it’s a good time.” I say, writing my email on a post-it note I pulled from my bag.

“Why can’t I text you?”

“I had a problem with my phone and changed the number.”

“Can’t I get that?”

“You’re still persistent, aren’t you?”

“As ever.” She smiles, picking up her son when he starts getting antsy. “But I guess and email will work for now.”

“Just give me a day and time that’s good for you, and I’ll work around it.” I say, grabbing my coffee when I hear my name being called.

“Sure thing.”

“Great. I really have to go, it was nice seeing you, Carmilla.”

“It was nice seeing you too.” She smiles, waving as I walk out of the coffee shop.

 

-Carmilla POV-

I sat on a bench in Central Park, reading a book while listening to the hustle and bustle of the city around me. “Hey.” I hear Laura say from slightly about me. I look up to see her smiling as she takes a seat beside me. 

“Hey.” I chime, closing my book and putting it in my bag. “How are you?”

“Good, it’s been hectic for a couple of weeks, but I’m happy things are settled now.”

“I could imagine. You’re still practicing?”

“Of course, I love my job. That hasn’t changed.”

“Of course. How’s you’re daughter?”

“She’s well.” Laura smiles, digging into her bag and pulling out her phone. “She’s eight years old now. She’s quite exciting to have in my life, I don’t know what I would do without her.”

“She looks a lot like you.” I say, looking at the picture of the blue-eyed girl who looked exactly like her mother. “A lot has happened over the years.”

“Yes Ma’am.” She says, putting her phone away. “How are you? The last time I saw you; you were a newly wed with a baby. I saw the baby was older.”

“Yeah, Trevor is three, he’s my little buddy. Sydney and I are still together, she’s actually pregnant again with our second.”

“For someone who didn’t want to stay with her…”

“I got over that, I love her and care about her, and the way she is with Trevor makes me love her more and more everyday.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.”

“I still miss you though.” I say, playing with a loose thread in my shirt. “I still think about you, there isn’t a day that I don’t…”

“Carmilla…”

“You don’t have to say you miss me or anything like that. I don’t know what it is, I just know that somewhere deep down, I can’t help myself.” I whisper, looking over to see Laura pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to be sorry. We had an intense moment and we can’t deny that, I can’t deny that. You can miss me all you want.”

“Do you miss me?”

“Honestly?” She asks as she looks over at me.

“Well, yeah.”

“I don’t know if it’s the feeling of missing you, like I’ve thought about you. I’ve been curious as to how you’re going, but I don’t miss being around you.”

“I think I understand what you mean.”

“You were never nice to be around, not that we haven’t had fun, cause of course we did. We just never had the connection to make it more than just physical.”

“I don’t think we were given that chance.”

“You never made yourself seem serious enough to even attempt the chance. I’m not going to argue with you, and that’s another reason why we never would have worked. I don’t know if you’ve accepted that.”

“I have, trust me I have. It’s like you’ve said though, we have history and there isn’t anything that’s going to change the way I’ve felt about you. I can confidently say I still love you…”

“Carmilla. You can’t say that. You have a wife, a son, and a baby on the way… You shouldn’t still love me…”

“Seeing as you’re the first person I’ve ever truly loved, I think I can…”

“That still doesn’t make it okay.” Laura sighs.

“You act like you don’t love me…”

“I don’t. I got over it, I mean it.”

“Have you been with anymore since that guy?”

“No, but that has nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with Felix. I have a daughter and a career that I care about a lot more than being with someone.”

“Okay.”

“Carmilla, there is nothing that’s going to make me run to you, there isn’t.”

“I’m not asking you to. But I would like to see you as a friend, have coffee occasionally. Have you come over, see my kid…”

“That’s asking too much and crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed.”

“Whatever.” I say, getting up from the bench.

“Are you kidding me?”

“What, you don’t want anything to do with me and haven’t for years now…”

“Carmilla, why can’t you just grow up?”

“Sorry, I guess I was never grown up enough for you.”

“No, you weren’t, that’s a reason why we never got anywhere.”

“All these years, and you still haven’t changed.”

“When you saw me in the coffee shop, were you hoping I changed?”

“Yes.” I whisper.

“And then you’d what? Drop the life you’ve created and the family you’ve made to run off with me if I felt the same?” Laura says, looking at me as she shakes her head. “I have to go.”

“And there you are, still running off to work to get away from things you don’t want to deal with.”

“Because you’re the best person to be around, right?” She says sarcastically.

“You’re right, okay. It’s easier to say you’re right than it is arguing with you.” I say, shaking my head. “So this is really it?”

“It’s for the best and you know it.”

“Okay.” I nod, watching as she walks over and places her hand on my cheek. “Don’t, okay? Don’t give me some self absorbed talk, or something to make you feel better about yourself, I don’t want to hear it.” I say, pulling away from her touch. “You said so yourself, it’s time to move on. More so than I feel I have already.”

“I’m sorry, Carmilla.”

“Don’t be sorry. There’s no reason for it.” I say, walking away from her for a countless time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what possessed me to, but I wanted to bring back this dynamic for an epilogue of sorts. I missed writing these ladies like that, call it what you may, but I needed a break from the fluff I've been writing and rather than starting new, I added to this. I may continue doing this, I may not. Who knows.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know a lot about seeing a psychiatrist, or what it entails so bear with me on that. I'm basing the interactions on different books and films I've seen, so let my know what you think.


End file.
